Back in 1993 my partner was in a serious car accident. Hit by a drunken driver on her way home from work. During her recovery and time home from work I made a decision that it would be the right time to find ourselves a pet. A pup. Though we had been contemplating it had a home we were undecided due to the time we both had to spend away from home with our jobs.
We went looking and found a man giving away a litter of lab pups outside of a local shelter. My partner and I had searched all day until we came upon this man with pups in a box. We found the pup we were looking for..after being so undecided and wanting to take the
entire litter with us.
As time passed our Kea grew and gave so much of herself to both of us laughter always kindness without regard protection without hesitation comfort without reservation…it was unfortunate my partner and I ran into personal difficulties and ended our 8 year relationship. My former partner moved to Seattle..I remained in California. It has been almost 3 years since we’ve seen one another and only spoke on occasion. The hurt and pain of the ending of our relationship had effected and does still to this day effect both of us. (Soulmates in the truest form).
I recieved a call from my partner a few nights ago she was in tears. Our Kea was diagnosed with Diabetes and it was advanced. It had taken the pups sight but did not deter her from remaining faithfull and loyal loving and protective of my partner. My partner told me in detail how she re-arranged all the furniture in the apt. so Kea could get around how much weight she lost how she still crawled up under the covers with her at night and slept in her arms. She was told within a day or so she had to make the decision to put Kea down..time ran out medication was not helping and her health was failing fast.
Needless to say I felt helpless. I had not seen my partner in 3 years of my Kea. Even through the course of our separation I carried not only a favorite photo of my former partner in my walled on the visor of the vehicle but also one of Kea. Not a day has gone by in all these years I have failed at connecting with anyone else…as with her.
I have my own dog. Rielly a Golden Retriever whom is my guiding light. Now 3 years old I sat here and cried and listened as my partner told me the details about how Kea was all she had. How she would take long walks with her always come home and knew she would be greeted with a smile and a happy wag of a tail. How they went everywhere with one another and most importantly how Kea was an excellent judge of people. She offered her regret of my not being able to see Kea over this period of time but called me to let me know and to lean on me as she also knew my love for our pet.
The last phone call was last night. December 10. Kea was allowed to go home in order for my partner to spend one last night with her. She was going to have to be put down Dec. 11 today..if she made it through the night.
Both of us cried. And I will carry with me to my final days the voice of my partner asking me to talk to Kea as she put the phone near our pups ear in order for me to say my final goodbyes. She explained to me how she had soft classical music on for her her bed all comfy near the fireplace carrying her outside to do her business as she could no longer stand or walk and as sick as this pup was she still would not do potties in the house or in her bed of which she was confined to.
She put the phone near pups ear and I talked to her fighting back tears..and losing. I told her she had been a very good pup and loved with both our hearts. That I missed her every single day we’ve been apart and wish I could be there with her as she had been there for me. I told her my dad (whom passed away suddenly in Jan. of this year) and my kitty: Misha who passed away at 8 on July 11 1996 would be waiting to great here and she would no longer be ill.
I continued to tell Kea that I loved her very much and could hear her breathing into the phone. I know in my heart my partner wanted not only for me to say my final goodbyes but for Kea to hear my voice which she knew so well no matter how much time passed.
My partner…Stephanie is heartbroken beyond repair. This pup was all she had since us. She travel with her to Seattle was there for her in all kinds of situations and keep and protected her. As my partner said “You don’t understand she is all I have”.
Neither one of us have been able to find others to fill the broken pieces in our hearts…and both of us have remained single and lost without the other. I know Kea was her soul-pup much as we are soul-mates.
I tried to be strong and was overwhelmed with emotion last night. The hardest part for me was listening to the broken heart of a woman I knew loved this pup and cared for her with everything she had. And at the same time my pain ran deep as I not only heard my partners pain but knew and heard my own.
I told her to stay right next to Kea all night. Keep her comfortable and talk to her. Thought her body failed her her mind memories and senses were still alert and taking everything in. I called my parnter back a few times through-out the sleepless night and she had not left Kea’s side.
The last time I spoke to her was a 7am this morning on my way to work. I spoke to my Kea also. I told her it was alright and time to let go. She had done her job here and showed love every single moment to both of us and to Steph. That I miss her for the rest of my life..
I have not been able to reach my partner all day or evening. So I came in here. I found this sight purely by accident..
I am glad I did.
We all make mistakes and take roads that sometimes lead us astray. But the best thing I’ve done in my life is to give my partner Kea and to have had a parnter so loving as her and a heart of gold for all animals.
I have rescued wounded animals over the years risked much to save them had some die in my arms. I’ve put animals down for illness and age and again always in my arms.
Here with my Kea I did so with my heart. And….find now it just adds another tear in this heart of so many stitched up pieces.
My partner informed last night in our tearful conversation that Kea still after all these years wore the same I.D. tag she had made just after our break up and her move to Seattle.
“Kea Ryan-Morning”.
I can’t hold my partner and ease her pain. There is no one here to do the same for me. I came home early from work and just slept. Then this evening took Rielly and went for a walk.
My thoughts were of last nights conversation between the two of us. I was told how through all the losses these past few years had we not been separated niether one of us would have to had gone through them alone. What she did not understand she did not go through this alone. I was…right there with her. As I have always been.
My heart goes out to her. My heart is broken none the less with the loss of Kea. She was truly an Angel-pup. I know. She never knew how “not” to love my Steph.
Kea Ryan-Morning. Our pup.
God Bless you and keep you. You were part of the happiest time of my life. And it only happens like that once in a lifetime.
Pat Ryan
Southern California
| Kea Ryan-Morning |
| 11, Dec 2001 |
| Patricia |