My Timon, my sunshine:
I wanted you to live forever. From the second you came out of hiding as a kitten and climbed on my back, I knew you were meant for me. At thirteen, I carried you in my arms to go home. At twenty-three, I had to carry you in my arms just the same. We had to say good-bye yesterday, and believe me… my heart broke when yours stopped.
I would give the world to you. Every cent, every medicine, and every ounce of happiness. I knew, and I think you did to… nothing could save your life. You knew when I knew. I wish your last two days were different. I wish there was no pain. And I wish you could have eaten the best meal of your life. I wish, with every time I petted you, that my touch would cure your pain. You know what you did your last day? It speaks of how wonderful you were. The only sound you made was purring. The vet said that cats can make noises when the anesthesia goes into their bodies. But not you, there was no noise. You were so brave. I am so sorry that I didn’t have the world to give you.
I would hold you in my arms, you never wanted to be let down. I would put you in my lap, and you would look up at me with your beautiful big eyes. Once in awhile, you would take your paw and gently bat my hair away.
That was my favorite.
Your small body held so much love. You loved food. You loved being petted, especially behind your ears. You loved bringing “gifts.” Birds, mice, baby snakes (eight times in one summer). One year, you gave me a bird on my birthday. You loved me. You would follow me when I got the mail or to my grandparent’s house next door. I would look behind me, and smile because you pretended like you were never following me at all. You loved our family. You would come into the living room when we would be eating dinner our watching TV, just to be with us. You loved to purr and lay beside me.
At night, you would sleep beside me. The night can be so lonely. I would rest my head on your body, and you would purr and breathe as if to say “everything will be ok.”
I couldn’t sleep unless you were safe in the house. I would wait on the steps, looking at the sky and calling your name. Usually, you were on the roof looking down on me.
And I wonder where you are now. Do you live in the skies? Are you a star now? Sometimes I think I see you, only for a second. Waiting for me at the door, or eating your food in my room. I even move my blankets on my bed around, just hoping you will be underneath. Maybe you live in my dreams. I don’t know where you are now, but I wish
you were in my arms.
I touch your pictures, and it just isn’t the same.
I can’t believe I have to talk about you in past tense. I was so blessed for nine and a half years. Timon, you were created out of love and warmth. A sunshine in my life, I would sing “You are my Sunshine” into your ears, and you would start purring. My voice isn’t that great either.
My sunshine.
My gentle soul, I miss you so much. You were love and hope for a girl who will never forget you. Wherever you are, I hope there is peace and food. Somewhere inside me, I will always sit staring at the sky outside and call out your name. I won’t go to sleep until I have my little boy in my arms once again.
Thank you. I love you.
Love always,
| Timon |
| 21, Jan 2004 |
| Rebecca |