Buca by Gretchen / Mom

It seems like just yesterday that I brought you home. You were such a tiny kitten with big, beautiful eyes. I remember that whenever I looked at you, that is all that I would see is your beautiful eyes looking into mine with such love, trust and affection. I was going through a very hard time in my life and you helped me through all of it. We developed such a bond that I never imagined life without you. I had always promised you that I would never leave you and that we would be together forever. We moved five times together and through it all, you understood that we were friends forever. I was very protective of you and never wanted you to hurt or be scared. You gave me so much love and support, more than anyone had ever given me. The years passed and we had another addition to our family. You took Cali in with your loving heart and accepted her with no problem. You taught her all of your bad habits and she became your partner in crime. I would come home from work to find the entire house turned upside down, things broken, moved.

Eight years passed and I noticed that you were losing weight. Vets told me that since it wasn’t rapid weight loss, it was normal. The nightmare began last November when we took you to the vet and you had lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. I knew deep in my heart that something was seriously wrong. I fought with vets that wouldn’t listen to what I was telling them. Finally, I demanded to have surgery done on you even though I was going against what everyone was telling me. I was your Mom and I knew what was wrong. I just needed to know for sure to stop putting you through unneeded tests and medications. March 12th, 2004 my nightmare came true. My baby had cancer and was terminally ill.

I tried so hard to make it better for you. It was so hard to deal with the thought that I was losing you. We were supposed to be together forever, remember? I wanted to take your pain away, make it all go away. Night after night I would stay up and hold you while you trembled in pain. I was not ready to give up on you. You seemed to be doing better since we could treat you for cancer now. Two vets prolonged your agony due to ignorance and I can never forgive them for that. They allowed five months to go by, a long time for cancer. I had hope that maybe since we found out was was wrong, I could make it right.

We struggled so hard for seven months and you had good weeks and bad. Some weeks you bounced back and seemed to be better. On October 1, 2004 you were having a bad week again. Your bones were sticking out and you stopped eating. Any food or water you would eat would make you sick. You were crying more as well. I couldn’t take seeing you in agony and pain. I believe that you were trying to be strong for me since I am also sick. You were so brave and strong. I couldn’t see you going through this anymore. Your eyes that I have looked into for so many years were not so bright anymore. You looked very sad and just sat on my lap as I would hold you and cry. Your fur was wet from my tears but you didn’t complain. You just sat there and comforted me as I wept. October 5th and 6th I just held you for hours. We both knew that it was time to say our goodbye’s.

When we took you on October 6th, 2004, you didn’t even fight me when I put you into your carrier. We drove to the vet and we let you know that we loved you. I feel so bad that the ending was so tragic for you. I can’t seem to shake the thought of the last final moments. Buca, I’m so sorry that I couldn’t stay until the very end. There was so much going on all at once and I just couldn’t take it. I cannot thank Steve enough for staying with you until the very end. He loved you too and didn’t want you to be alone. Please forgive me for not being there. I feel that I didn’t have a proper goodbye. I just wanted to hold you until the end.

Buca, I will love you forever and there will be a void in my heart. I never could imagine life without you and I am trying to deal with it. I just miss you and want to hold you again. I really hope you are watching me from the Rainbow Bridge. Thinking this does give me some comfort. I look forward to seeing you again someday. When we do see each other again, I will hold you forever. Buca, I love you.

 

With Love,