Dearest ChaCha,
I am so sorry for that awful day. I blame myself completely for not leashing you. I know you didn’t like to be leashed so I just wanted you to be free. On that Saturday morning at 10am I lost you because of my negligence. You got hit by a bus while I was shopping at a dumb garage sale on Strong Ave. I saw you under the table last, called your name but you did not come. You were focused on something across the street which I didn’t realize until it was too late. You died alone because I thought you went back to my car so I put my stuff in the trunk and drove to the front. I got out of my car with a pit in my stomach because I couldn’t find you. I called your name out, I thought someone dog napped you. Then I turned around and there was your lifeless body across the street, almost severed in half. I picked you up and held you by the sidewalk begging you to still be alive. Your eyes were open and tongue was out.
I took my hoodie off and wrapped you, I could not look at your maimed body. Why didn’t I pick you up when I saw you under the table? Why did I go back to my car before finding you? Why wasn’t I paying closer attention to you? Why couldn’t I save you when you saved me in so many ways? You died alone and I’ll never forgive myself. You must’ve been so scared. I just hope you did not suffer at all. I wish it was me, you did not deserve that. I only had you for short 4 1/2 months and you were my best friend, my daughter, my sister and love of my life. I miss you everyday, my heart is broken. I will never ever forget you and I will never forgive myself. I hope you are in a better place having
the time of your life.
Everyone loves you and misses you everyday. My family, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors, your previous family and people you met even just once remember you and all agreed that you were something special. I have no faith right now as I don’t see how God can pair us together for such a short time and you had to die in such a tragic way. You were the best thing in my life. I never loved anyone as much as I loved you and never felt so loved. I suffer from anxiety and when we were together I felt completely fine. Although I told you that I loved you everyday, I feel that I took you for granted by being so careless with your life. You depended on me and although I spoiled you, I should have
NEVER not leashed you.
You had a few close calls before and I did leash you for a while but I saw how much you didn’t like it so I wanted you to be happy but if I knew this would be the outcome then you would’ve been leashed even in your sleep. On 10/11 I bought a shih tzu on Craigslist that does everything like you, her name is Pandee. Since the moment she got in my car, I realized that I don’t want her. I know that sounds mean and we are taking good care of her until she goes to a good home which maybe with a friend of mine. I realized that there was only one dog for me.. That was you ChaCha and will always be you. I don’t ever want another dog again. You were it for me ChaCha. We went everywhere together, even to work.. We were hardly ever separated but if we were both of us would reunite with lots of kisses. I miss that most, how your little body would quiver when I left and came back. Then I would pick you up and you would lick my face and I would drowned you in kisses.
I miss you sleeping next to me and waking up to your sweet face and cuddling with you before I got up to get ready. You gave me so much motivation and you gave me a life and a love I never knew existed. I miss rubbing your belly, you loved that. I hate walking but when I walked with you, I loved it. I miss our walks, I miss seeing you chase squirrels, you didn’t bark much but when you did it was adorable.. miss your barks. Miss your scent, the way those big beautiful eyes and the funny things you did. My family and I were never dog people but you changed that. I’m so sorry ChaCha, my mistake cost you your life and I hope you know that I never wanted to put you in harms way. Your previous family talk good care of you.. the fact that the were able to keep you safe for 4 years and I couldn’t for 4 months kills me, it kills me.. In a way, I wish I never took you because then you would probably still be alive. I miss our trips to the pet stores and feeding you your favorite snacks.. pickles, bananas, apples and basically whatever I ate.
Everyday of my life, I wish I could do that day over or at the least I wish the bus hit me and not you. What upsets me even more is that you made it across the street but because the bus has wider wheels it hit you. The road was kind of busy, I should’ve never kept you loose. The man at the garage sale picked you up earlier cause he got nervous and I told him to put you down because you don’t go near busy roads, which you never did because it scared you especially when trucks & buses would pass by.
Why didn’t I ask him to hold you until I was done. Why didn’t I leave you home or in the car? So many signs that day and I ignored all of them from the moment I left home and my mother told me to leave you home. But you loved coming with me, you loved car rides and sticking your head out of the window. I couldn’t say no or leave you behind.. but that day, I wish I did. Thank you for everything you gave me and my family ChaCha. Thank you for saving my life in so many ways ChaCha! I am sooooooo sorry I couldn’t do the same when you needed me most. I’m sorry I was so negligent and careless with your life when you depended on me to take care of you. Just know, though you are gone.. You will never ever be forgotten!
I can only hope and wish that we see eachother again when I die and hope that when that day comes that you will forgive my for my stupidity. I will never let you go again. We ALL miss you and love you so much ChaCha! I loved you so much and will love you always and forever. My heart is broken and will be until the day I die. I’m not going to say bye ChaCha because I think about you every second of every day and you are buried in the backyard. I hope that’s what you wanted.. Your pictures are all over and I always ask for signs. I am upset that I haven’t seen you in a dream yet but hopefully I will. I will never say bye ChaCha, I will say see you later and thinking of you always my love. I miss you and love you ChaCha more than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved. <3 xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxox
Loving You ChaCha Always & Forever,
| ChaCha |
| 27, Oct 2012 |
| Tina Redzepi |