Sammy by Kathryn / Lindsay

For my Mother,
In Loving Memory of Sammy:

Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul’s sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul’s at rest
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts,
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my life.

Bless the hands that sent me,
For they did so in love and compassion,
freeing me from pain and suffering.
I come to you in dreaming,
on feet grown dreamtime soft,
And lay my cheek against yours,
and whisper:”Peace be with you.
“Someday we will play again together,
You and I, among the stars.
‘Til then, fear not to love,
for your love gave my life meaning
Don’t hold the love that you have within yourself.
Give it to another like me and then I will live forever..
For love never really dies.
And I return that love to you…
a hundredfold…
a thousandfold…
Forever..

My Mother and Sammy found each other. I have never been completely clear on how that transpired as my Mother had not been looking for a pet to my knowledge, and the only thing I first knew of Sammy is that he had been abused, was very sad, very distrustful and wary, had little hair, was very ungainly and uncoordinated, and was oddly nervous, would not make eye contact or eat food and was seemingly unpredictable. I even thought on occasion that when I tried to offer gentle quiet affection that he may bite me (but he never did). He didn’t know how to play, how to accept or give affection, how to have an interactive communicative relationship with a human being, etc. Mostly he sat head slightly down and forward eyeing us warily, or rolled over slowly and submissively in fear
whenever we approached him.

The first time I saw Sammy, I remember my Mother saying “Lindsay, he is so sweet!” “Yes, he’s…(paused looking for the right word then realized it would not be polite)…cute.”, I answered reservedly. (Actually, I was wondering why my mother had chosen such a lost and sorry soul when there must have been many other more adorable dogs for adoption, but when I looked back at her I saw her eyes full of love and adoration watching her new little prince, completely unaware of my own perception.

My mother has always been a very esteemed professional in the community, always spent her life contributing to social good outside of her work, always valued her independence, worked hard and taken modest but certain pride in her achievements, always taken great care of herself in terms of how she has eaten and dressed, always stayed extremely fit, and always enjoyed and emphasized her femininity.

Within the last three years, she lost her husband and her health. Subsequently, she has lost her ability to work, and lost much of her previous independence. She has suffered much grief and many losses. (Although I speak with some envy when I say that her eternal good looks still deem her a “knock-out” by unbiased standards, and people are still surprised to learn she is my Mother, not my sister).

Despite her illness, she remains full of grace; sophisticated; classy. Her eternal life energy sparkles in her eyes and she dones a selfless and genuine smile, for family and strangers alike, even when she is hardly able to stay sitting upright another minute. Not even illness and chronic pain have been able to snuff those out! My mother remains living independently however sometimes feels she is living “alone” and she continues to find ways to make her life full. She tries to focus on the positive parts of life (vs. pitying herself). Still, it was evident that there was much sadness in her life despite attempts from family and friends to fill that void.

Then Sammy came along…

Each weekend I came home, I saw subtle changes in both Sammy AND MY MOTHER! Well, at first I saw my Mother utterly gleeful, and unreservedly silly, playing with her new found friend (whom mostly sat looking at her in confused bewilderment at her strange antics). However I began to see Sammy’s distrust slowly fade and I also began to see his want, his desire, to be part of this strange new relationsip…if he could just figure out what it was he was supposed to do.

Within weeks, my mother and Sammy were inseparable mates. Although Sammy was still distrustful of anyone but my Mother, I saw him really coming out of his shell and following my Mother’s lead. I began to find his awkward attempts at play, and his in-coordination as he tried to nuzzle her, endearing. And now that his hair was growing back in, I could actually see that he was somewhat of a handsome fellow. Although he still had that ungainly,
oddly nervous disposition.

After several months, I was coming home to a full coated, athletic, absolutely charming, and extremely expressive dog that consistently gave me kisses at the door upon my arrival. A dog who boldly and eagerly loved to play. A dog who sang “How much is that Doggie in the Window” and “You are My Sunshine” along with my Mother’s high pitched octave (at midnight much to the chagrin of the some neighbours).

A dog that had never had a human bond who now would cry if my Mother was out of his sight, and who always had to have a paw on my Mother during her daily activities. An excited energetic dog who pranced with head high; a proud Protector and a King! A prankster who even learned how to “smile”; and sweet devoted companion who quietly, knowingly, understood my Mother’s constant pain and gently stayed her side throughout the unbearable bouts.

My Mother seemed less and less affected by her never-ending pain, and more and more distracted by the utter joy this sweet gentle boy had brought to her life. However irritating I occasionally found the incessant chatter between Mother and dog in the beginning, when I tried to talk only to my Mother on my visits, I soon found myself falling object to Sammy’s charms as well, and soon I was communicating with him as a member of the family too. When he’d use me as a scratching post by relentlessly putting his bum under my foot and moving back and forth, I’d look down to see his cute little face and big brown eyes looking back over his shoulder at mine, timidly checking to see if his clever craftiness was working to get him a “good scratch”(which of course it did every time). In no time, he had all his humans wrapped around his little waggly tail and expectant eager barks. He even had us proudly taking him out so he could proudly show off his assortment of fashionable winter sweaters and booties. He was adorable!

I began to see my Mother laugh again…really laugh again, like I hadn’t seen for years. One day, we parted in her driveway. She was in her car and I was in mine. I had been feeling distressed about leaving her for another week or two. I looked over at her in her car but as I pulled out in my own car, I realized she didn’t even notice me leaving. She and Sammy were busy in their car playing their games and singing their songs and laughing and enjoying being together well after my car left the lot. He gave her complete and utter joy and I could see
it was a mutually equal relationship.

Sammy is no longer here with us physically. Unfortunately, although my Mother healed his spirit, his previous physical injuries from abuse could not be healed. At five to 10pm this past Saturday night, they were playing on my Mother’s bed. Sammy was on his back and my Mother was kissing his tummy, just nice gentle play. Then a visitor came to the door so my Mother got up and Sammy jumped from the bed to investigate excitedly who the newest visitor was. That is when it happened. A disc in his spine exploded and there was nothing that could be done for him to stop the pain. The vet quickly put him to sleep in my Mother’s arms forever.

My Mother and Sammy had given each other so much and now her Sammy, her perfect little friend who she loved with all her heart, was gone.

However, this isn’t the end. It’s a brand new start. GOD wouldn’t allow dogs to be banned from Heaven. After all, love is eternal and whatever we love becomes eternal. HE created dog’s to be our companions in life, why would he separate them in death? For now, Sammy may be running through the meadows as far as the eye can see. Or maybe we may not be together in the way we used to be, My Mother and Sammy are still connected by a cord no eye can see. So whenever she needs to find him, they’re never far apart.

If she listens with her heart: he is in the wind in winter, as he leaps and dances among the tree tops; in the stalk of the blown leaves in autumn; in the gentle brush of the
Flowers in the spring.

“My love, a love that’s through and though. For my loyal friend, my dog, that’s you.”

 

With Love,