"Carmel" September 1986 ----- July 6 1999
Dog
Carmel came into my life in September of 1986.
My dad was sick with Lou Gerhig's disease
at the time Carmel was born.
Carmel was one of 14 pups a stray blue heeler had.
My neighbor had taken in this dog when
she was dumped in our neighborhood.
I picked Carmel out at first sight and fell in love.
His mother was mean and had obviously been abused.
She was not a pretty dog.
But Carmel was beautiful.
He was a white fluff ball with black and carmel coloring on him.
He was so small I held him in the palm of my hand.
His eyes stole my heart.
They were beautiful light brown large and innocent.
Right after Carmel was born my dad suddenly died.
I was only 16 years old.
I was so lost.
I was always daddy's little girl and now I felt so alone.
Everyone tried to help me
but there just wasn't a whole lot anyone could do for me.
I had to deal with it alone.
I would go to my neighbor's house everyday
after school to see my puppy.
I felt comfort with him.
My mom didn't want him at first.
But when she realized how much I needed him
she let me bring him home.
I remember how cold it was that day!
He was still small enough to carry and I tucked him
into my jacket to carry him home.
I didn't know at the time how much
he would be able to help me and to love me.
I went through some very rough times.
Being only a junior in high school and losing my dad
I turned out to be very rebellious.
But when I felt like I couldn't handle it Carmel was always there.
Our favorite game was hide and seek.
He loved it! I'd run and hide behind a tree and he'd come after me.
He would chase me all over the yard!
I always confided my pain fears anger everything in him.
He never once told me I was a bad person like so many people did at the time.
He understood I was lost without my dad.
He knew I was searching for a way to ease the pain.
During my senior year in high school
I ended up dating a real loser.
Of course my judgment was never good during those years.
I ended up pregnant and married him after I graduated high school.
We had a beautiful baby girl I named Faith.
Carmel always hated my husband.
He attacked him several times while we were together.
I always defended Carmel. Telling my husband he was too rough.
Deep down I knew Carmel was protecting me and Faith.
Those were very dark times in my life.
I don't like to remember them.
But at least I know Carmel was always there.
He was my one constant protector and supporter.
My mother was at wits end with me.
But she did love my Faith.
I soon divorced my husband
and moved back home with my mom and sister.
Things were never easy.
The divorce lasted a year. All the while Carmel was there.
He let me cry when I needed to cry and he never told me to stop.
He just hugged me back.
He always took very good care of Faith.
He bit her just once on accident.
They were playing tug of war with a sock
and he went to get a better grip and accidentally grabbed her hand.
The look on his face was pure agony.
He immediately went to loving on her.
She was only three at the time.
Time went on and I met my present husband.
He took us in and truly loved us.
Even Carmel. Carmel really loved him back.
He did anything Travis wanted him to do.
He would follow all of us around the yard and nudge on us
when we weren't giving him enough attention.
Sometimes he would push us down on purpose.
He weighed about 60 lbs. and knew he could dominate us.
Especially me!
He stayed outside most of the time
but during storms or cold weather he'd come in.
He was so good. He never once made a mess in the house.
It was as if he knew he wasn't supposed to.
I always felt like he could read my mind.
People say that dogs don't have souls.
But they didn't know Carmel.
I could look in his eyes and see his soul.
God sent him to me to bring me through all the bad times.
He also sent him to share my good times.
I've had plenty of those too.
As the years passed on my admiration for Carmel only grew.
Three years ago I had my second child James.
He was the sparkle in Carmel's eyes.
He would curl up with him and keep him warm.
He would let James climb all over him
even though the pain from his arthritis had to hurt!
Carmel would even let James pull his ears and tail.
He never liked anyone else to do that!
James would at times get too rough.
He'd climb onto Carmel's back
when he'd be laying down and jump up and down before I could stop him.
Not once did Carmel bite him.
I remember one time after Carmel went blind
James walked up behind him.
He pulled his tail. Carmel turned around to bite whoever had done it
thinking it was one of the other dogs.
As soon as he smelt James he stopped himself. He was the best.
He was the only dog I have ever completely trusted with my children.
As he got closer to 13 his arthritis got worse.
I did all I could to help. Gave him his pills aspirin anything to ease his pain.
But this year a couple of days before the fourth of July
he laid down and never stood up again.
We carried him in and I gave him a bath.
I could tell he hurt too much.
But I didn't want to have to put him down.
We put him in the bathroom off of our bedroom and for several days
I took care of him.
After the Fourth he lost control of his bowels.
I knew then I had to help. He was always a very stubborn dog.
But I never knew he'd be too stubborn to die.
I finally called the vet and did what I had to do.
I wish with all my heart I could have fixed him and made him better.
My husband says I did the right thing.
But my heart still feels the pain.
I don't think I'll ever get over it.
I was angry at Carmel for making me choose.
But his body ached so much I knew I had to do something.
It's been three months and I still cry.
I miss him so much.
I keep his collar and food bowl under my bed.
I just can't do anything else with them yet.
I need them near me.
We buried him in our backyard.
Under a peaceful grove of trees.
I had a large flat rock from Texas that I made into a headstone for him.
Those things help a little.
But there will never be another dog like him.
He had just a wonderful personality.
Sometimes I feel like part of me died with him.
He knew so much about me.
I can't stand to go into the backyard anymore.
If I do I usually don't stay long. I'm used to him being by my side.
It was difficult for all of us to lose him.
James still asks where he is.
Both of the kids miss him.
I've never seen my husband cry over a dog before.
But the pain of losing Carmel got to him.
But I believe it is me who suffers the most.
Especially if I think back to the bad times he helped me through.
I never would have made it without the love of Carmel.
I can't wait to meet him at the Rainbow Bridge.
Melanie
| Carmel |
| Melanie |