In loving memory of my Stella, my Engeli, my everything, my love, the light of my life …. I have to keep reading these words, so I can keep my promise, that I’d be ok, to be able to breathe, to live, to go on ….
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
David Harkins
Engeli, where are you? Mama misses you soooooo much, my heart has broken into a million pieces, and noone but you can put it together again. I am falling apart, I am lost, I am aching sooo much …
You know you are my life, my love, my everything. I told you oh so many times, and before you left for Rainbow Bridge, I whispered it into you ear … and I made you a promise, one that I am having such a hard time with to keep, but believe my my girl, mama is trying soooo hard, and doing her best. I told you that if you’re tired and not feeling well, that it was ok for you to go, that mama would understand and help you you, and love you always. That I’d be very very sad, but only because I would miss you so much and that I’d be ok, loving you forever and ever. You kissed my tears away, and I knew you were ready to go … I just wish I could be where you are … I just wish I could have done a miracle and kept you here with me forever … When you went to sleep I kissed you and said Mama loves you, Mama helps you, it’ll all be ok. You are ok now Engeli, so why am I not? I know you are forever with me, our love chain could never be broken, we are one. I just miss your earthly presence, your cutest face, your most unique and wonderful scent of butter cookies, your funny attitude, and your kisses …. oh how I long for your kisses. I am hurting soooo sooooo much, but please don’t let this make you sad too, you go run with Luna now and be happy, be the ray of light you’ve always been to me!! And as I told you as you fell asleep … we’ll see each other again, and I can’t wait my girl, I’ll go thru each and every day, holding your spirit close to my heart, knowing that we’ll be together again, never to be separated ever again.
I hope you know how much we love you, that you meant everything to me. From the day I saw you coming into this world, you were my reason to live, my soul mate, my daughter … and even though it may sound like I am only sad and broken over you going on to another dimension, I am and will always be so thankful for having had you in my life!! Thank you Engeli for chosing me as your mommy, and for giving me the best 14 years ever, the happiest, the loveliest – I am a better person because of you. Thank you for sharing your precious heart with me, for allowing me to love you and for loving me back a hundred times. Mama is there Engeli, Mama is there … and it will be alright …
Letting you go on was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to take, and it was my heart, my heart that told me I cannot let you be in any pain … you were the best girl with the most loving heart and I could never let you be in pain … so if it means that mommy has to take all the pain on her, and live forever with a broken heart, I will and just like I was there when you came into this world … I kissed you goodbye as you left your sick body, so your soul can be free … ’cause love is not in the holding on, but in the letting go … *cries*
I’ll cherish all your memories forever, and I promise you, that someday, sometime, mommy will be able to smile again … because YOU WANT ME TO! Because your life was about happiness, about smiles, about grass angels, about laying in the sun, about braking of joy, about kisses of love … your life was all about LOVE and this legacy I will carry on forever, with every breath I take, with every step I make … I will walk tall for I was so lucky to have had the most special angel in my life, and among all the tears and the pain … I just know that all the LOVE will fight its way thru and it will be YOU who makes me whole again.
Mama liebt dich Engeli, alles ist gut ….
With eternal love forever,
| ♥Stella♥ |
| 11, Apr 2010 |
| Yvonne |