"Pet Loss"
Coping With Loss
by Julie Perron
The loss of a pet can affect us very deeply.
90% of the people who own pets consider those pets
to be family members and many people feel closer to
their pets than to most other family members. Pets are
often a constant relationship in a society where many
of the " important people" in our lives come and go.
Animals are truly happy to see us every day...they¹re never
in a bad mood when we come home. We may have
scolded them or been grumpy with them before
leaving..but by the time we return...they¹ve forgotten!
They don¹t hold grudges they love unconditionally they
forgive or don¹t even notice our many personal
faults and imperfections. And given the opportunity...they
choose to stay with us all of their lives... "until death do us part."
So why are we at all surprised that the loss of a pet can
turn our world upside down? Some of the "guilty feelings"
associated with prolonged grieving come from the fact
that some people in our lives are not fortunate enough to have
experienced the profound love of a pet.
These people are the ones that say things like
"You can always get another one."
Grieving pet owners must realize that they say this out
of ignorance. These people cannot relate to and sometimes
strike out by poking fun at the very realness of our
owner/pet relationships and the subsequent devastation that
can be brought on by that loss.
Because of the similarity in the relationships many of
the books written about coping with human loss are
equally beneficial to those dealing with the loss of their pets.
One of the most well-known "On Death and Dying"
by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identifies the five basic stages
of grief talks about common symptoms reactions and thought
patterns and suggests ways to cope with each of these stages.
Other books specific to loss of a pet include
"When Your Pet Dies: How to Cope with Your Feelings "
by Jamie Quackenbush MSW and Denise Graveline
and "Pet Loss" by Herbert A. Nieburg PhD and Arlene Fischer.
Helping children to deal with the loss of a family pet requires
special attention. Children are often more attached to
pets than we realize and often their lack of experience
with and knowledge of death leads to unexpressed grief
fear and drastic upset to their daily lives. Parents
may be so distracted by their own grief that they forget about
that of their children. Several books that may help them
through this process are " Dog Heaven " by Cynthia Rylant
and " The Tenth Good Thing About Barney " by
Judith Viorst. Another positive way of helping children
through the grieving process is to draw pictures of the
pet to remember him by.
Planting flowers by a grave site or creating some sort
of a permanent memorial to the pet you¹ve lost may be a
therapeutic and bonding experience for the entire family.
There are even opportunities to share your loving
memories over the Internet. One NH pet owner and breeder
of cocker spaniels has created a beautiful site
"In Memory of his beloved " Candy ".
His " In Memory Of " site can be viewed at
{Http://www.cyberportal.net/jemingosr }.
He invites other pet owners to send him pictures and
to use the site to share loving memories of pets that have had a
special place in their lives.
The important thing to remember is; you are not alone or
abnormal or crazy because of what you are experiencing.
Extreme feelings of grief loss and depression are natural.
They are a part of dealing with one of life¹s inevitable
but painful transitions. You are not the only one who has
been overwhelmed by their grief and help is available
from many sources if you feel that you need it. Many
counseling services have information available on dealing with
pet loss and there are a few counselors who even specialize
in this field. Most veterinary offices can point you in the
right direction if you or someone you know is in need of help.
As with any good human relationship the special bond that
you had with that particular animal will never be replaced.
With time however the happy memories of the wonderful
aspects of that relationship will overshadow the sadness
you will reach a place of acceptance and you will
then go on to have other beautiful though different relationships with
other special creatures.
Information for this article was provided by Barbara J. Morse,
a certified clinical social worker. She specializes in providing
supportive counseling services for those experiencing
bereavement grief or loss of their family companion
pets-whether from separation trauma death or euthanasia.
She offers in-person home visits veterinarian visits and telephone
consultations. She can be reached at 1-888-690-0240 (toll free).
| Julie Perron |