The second I opened my eyes this morning I was struck with panic and dread
I rolled over and there you were still with me, on the floor beside my bed
But there was no relief as I told myself that my sadness would come to pass
Only growing terror that the day we were about to face
Would be our day of “last’s”
We didn’t move, just lay looking
at each other, I grew weak and began to cry
Knowing that although we were not moving,
the minutes were speeding by
You ate your last breakfast, not I.
Coffee and a cigarette,
not healthy all will say
But I’ve felt no need for food for awhile,
not since that dreadful day
We looked at picture of you upon the wall,
but there was nothing I recognized
For it was the monster
growing inside of you,
not your sweet face or loving eyes
She stood beside me explaining the facts,
kindly trying to grant me some peace
And though I tried to listen,
all I could hear was
“Two weeks…two weeks…two weeks”
I drove home in the dark
with you by my side,
the tears streaming down my face
“Please God! Not yet!
He doesn’t deserve this!”
I silently pleaded your case
But God didn’t hear or did not agree,
either of which became abundantly clear
With each passing day I’ve watched
you grow weaker as this day
quickly drew near.
You have always been so unselfish,
my loyal companion through times
of strife and tears
The gift of unconditional
love and forgiveness,
you have given me for twelve years
I have spent eleven days and nights
begging for strength, not weakness, to grow
To provide, what She says is,
the last gift I can give you,
the gift of letting you go.
My debt to you I could never repay,
regardless of time I had,
so unfair but true
For I am a species
whose nature is selfish, arrogant, vain,
My Friend…not so for you
So because this is my last chance
to give you, what I pray is
what you need from me
The strength to say good-bye,
courage to face the pain and
let you go with dignity.
And if at your last moments I fall weak,
I beg of you Rocky,
grant me one last request
Please find it in your heart
to forgive me, and please know
that I did my very best
In all my times of hardship
you never left my side,
for this I pray strength will be mine
In that last second,
when you take your last breath and
your heart beats that one last time.
| Cheri McInnis |