I have surrounded myself with cats for as long as I can remember.
They have been collected over the last 25-30 years in many
ways-abandoned kitten crying in the woods neighbors moved,
but forgot “kitty,” I opened my door and heart to many cats that
needed homes had none but always seemed to teeter on the
edge of freedom of love of a real home.
Most of the time I was lucky enough to be the winner-they chose me.
Only one cat has come to me as a pet store gift in a shoe box,
even paid for at the shop counter!
My ex-husband was watching me suffer deeply from the loss of
my soul-mate feline aptly named by boarding house tenants
as “Perseverance,” for he had grown to monstrous proportions and
astonishing good looks by eating out of dumpsters.
He was the most beautiful and loving creature God had ever presented
to me and after 12 years of Percy’s wonder a tumor clutched his heart,
and held on until it squeezed the last breath from his body.
I was down weepy and couldn’t sleep after Percy’s death.
Mike a man of few words but a heart of gold went to the mall
on a mission. He was on a quest for an orange tabby with long
fluffy hair and tail to boot!
I was presented with a plain brown shoe box when he returned home.
He was anxious-open it! Open it! Hurry. So I did and saw a kitten
at his best attempt to make himself the size of a mouse
(also hopefully invisible) crouched in the box’s corner.
A shy one I thought. No problem. I coaxed him into my arms
within an hour and he was for life a Mike and Sallie cat very
set on keeping his circle of friends very small.
Mike was so proud of this little one-he said “The guy at the store
said his hair would grow very long over time-it’s just short
now ’cause he’s a kitten.” I laughed so hard I thought I might
start to hyperventilate…Anyway I had a very handsome
orange short haired tabby named Fritz for my own.
My funniest story of Fritz’s lust for meat was the night we had
grilled big T-bone steaks and sat down for dinner.
The next thing I knew Mike’s steak was being chased by Mike and
old Fritz was in the lead with a firm hold.
They had a serious tug-of-steak and growl-fest under the bed.
Fritz was not going to give it up. Finally Mike won but of course
old Buddy got his share.
He was and avid hunter when we moved to the country
much to my dismay. I had to learn to revive rodents of all sizes
from shock and apply a bit of heart massage as well.
My successes were increasing to Fritz’s dismay.
He brought snakes (alive) crawfish rats rabbits frogs you name it,
through that old cat door. Most were retrieved and saved
but he fought me hard.
As he got older he slowed down a bit.
He still reigned as king in the house of six cats two dogs and a fish,
and was comfortable in his quiet rule. He still rolled on his back at the
dinner table-now begging in lieu of snatching for meat.
One day I noticed he was thinning rapidly and found a lump in his
abdomen. After quick surgery my vet removed an encapsulated tumor from
Fritz’s abdominal area. Not attached to an organ!
But the biopsy returned with bad news.
Those tumors had a bad reputation for returning rather quickly.
Well we prayed for the best and my Buddy was back to his old
self again. Not to last for long. Cancer moves so quickly in animals
due to their rapid metabolism and aging process that we are shocked
at the rapid onset of the disease.
I knew-he knew; so now we hope that it won’t kill him.
He decided to stay at my foot-spot on the bed so I opened his
window and tried to get him to keep eating.
His will to live was immense. When I came home from work
I rushed up the stairs to tend to him and he was so happy I was
back to sit with him. He didn’t move much at this point.
He was neutered long ago but the pleasure of dousing a bush
was never lost to him so out we went to his best boxwood.
I held him steady while he did his “I am still King” spray
then I gently carried him back to my bed.
He got so weak I called my Vet/friend and said come now.
Remember I said Fritz was dedicated to have a very small family of friends?
Well Roy wasn’t in the circle. To say the least!
When Roy came into the room Buddy dashed around to escape
and Roy said “this cat can’t be dying.”
Here we go-more tests and I’m brimming with hope.
Hope didn’t appear. We suspected but never confirmed bone cancer.
I am so afraid of death! It clamps down on my throat and
paralyzes me with the worst fear I have ever known as mine,
since my earliest childhood memories.
I cannot make the decision! This is not my right! But he suffers?
He is hurting? He is ready?
I believed with all my heart and soul he was ready.
I got heavy sedatives from Roy because Buddy was so afraid of
their office. I thought I could get him comfortable and relaxed with
he extremely large dose that I gave him.
It worked too quickly his pupils dialated-he couldn’t focus,
and lost much body control within minutes.
He was never as scared as now as I also was.
I waited for an eternity then took him in a box wrapped in
my baby blanket he had slept on for three months.
I had faith I believed that I was doing what Fritz wanted what
was an adult and expected thing for me to do by having him put down.
I often think God protects me from painful experiences
that I pray don’t happen-hitting a deer or dog or cat with my car.
I know God has spared me because I would come unglued.
Animals are my life-they to me are one of God’s greatest gifts.
But now my faith is about to be shaken.
Fritz heavily sedated was still very agitated and vocal.
My description of what follows will be brief as it must be.
He was struggling and fighting and had incorporated the former
strength he once owned in an attempt to get away.
It was incessant-the ordeal of his horrible fate went on and on.
I understand the vet and tech had a unique moment with my
Buddy’s struggle. They were ill-prepared for this-I saw it in their faces.
I held him and comforted him as best I could at this moment.
Fritz wanted to stay with me so badly that they had to give
him a second shot- I looked at the vet; she said “he’s cyanotic-no
respiration-he’s gone. I told her that his heart was still beating-I
could feel his heart with every fiber of my being.
She checked and looked horrified to find I was right.
This was her first second shot for a cat going down.
I was sobbing-she tried to take him to a cage to pass away.
I will never forget the lack of feeling I felt then.
I was going to hold Buddy until he was gone.
Does she have a heart? I wonder.
After Fritz died he looked peaceful I suppose.
Or possibly just gone.
I know I was gone as well. My faith was shaken in a moment
I thought God would orchestrate and help us to affirm our faith
when it was most called upon. I can believe can’t I that maybe he
got tied up at his last appointment and just couldn’t make it?
I hope Fritz is waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.
There are so many of my fur-babies there-God please don’t be
late to take me to my Rainbow Bridge appointment OK?
Please don’t forget me when it’s time.
PS-Why was Fritz so scared? It mustn’t be that way.
Show us the light. Keep us and our fur-babies wrapped in our
most treasured blankets and let us feel the warmth
and completeness of your love.
I am as scared as Buddy.
I am.
| Fritz |