Precious, my sweet little girl, your mommy’s heart is empty tonight. When your Persian mother turned up on my porch one day, I little knew that she was going to give me so much joy and grief. She had you and your siblings a short while later–but you were an only child within a day, four innocents crossed the Bridge right away.
I named you, the only survivor, Precious–and you more than lived up to your name. As soon as you opened your little eyes, the love shone out–you looked at me and smiled and purred, and never left my side from that moment on. I loved you from your little black nose to your funny little tail that folded up in the middle and lay along your back, legacy of your Asian father’s stub tail (He would come by now and then to visit your mom and get a bite of food from the crazy human).
You always had that sweet Persian disposition–never one to claw or scratch, you were mischievous and curious as all proper kittens are, but never naughty, always a perfect lady.
I never had to call you, wherever I was, so were you. If I was sitting, you were in my lap–or would put a paw on my chest so I would pick you up and nestle you in the crook of my neck and listen to you purr…
You were the happiest kitty I’ve ever met, always had a smile on your sweet face that told me the world was a good and happy place–and eyes that told me how much you loved me. Your love and happiness were so intense, it was like you knew you only had a short time
to give your blessings…And your blessings were not reserved for me alone–little Pounce, who had lost his brother and sisters when only a month old finally found a playmate–when you two met, it was love at first sight, you were devoted to each other. And he was always so gentle playing with you–though when you’d sleep together, sometimes he’d forget he was several times bigger than you and would drape his big bulk on top of you! You would wiggle, but never complained!
You were my sunshine girl, the one who would make me smile when times were tough. I love all my kitties, but you were the one that lit up my life the most. Even when I had had a very bad day, I would smile coming home, knowing that I’d hear your raspy little mew as soon as I opened the porch door, then you’d scoot out and peer out on the outside world and wait for me to pick you up–and listen to the instant purr!
You hated to be parted from me even for an instant. When I’d get ready for work, you would come up and put your paw on my leg and look up at me, and no matter how busy or rushed I was, I couldn’t resist picking you up for a snuggle. Then you would try to block me from going to the door–and make a dash out immediately, knowing it meant
I would have to pick you up again!
Last Friday morning, all was well, was normal. I left for work thanking God yet again for blessing me with you–we had just had Thanksgiving, and I told you (and God) I was most thankful for having you in my life–times are tough right now, and you kept me going, kept me smiling.
I knew something was wrong that night when I didn’t hear your mew…And my heart sank when I opened the door and you weren’t there, and I had to call you for the first time in your all too-brief life…You came out, head down, fighting for breath. Too late to take you to the vet, spent a sleepless night cuddling you, wishing I could breathe for you…You made it through, and seemed to get better. Pounce refused to leave your side, poor little guy…You even had a good appetite Sunday night–but Monday, lost your will to fight. Took you back to the vet–you were so good, as always, only mewing and cuddling closer
to me when you got your shots.
I brought you back home, thought you’d be OK for a couple of hours while I went out to get the things the vet recommended–and stop briefly by the cybercafe to check the job board–but while online, felt your passing–a wave of vertigo and sadness–left immediately and flew home, but was too late, you had just left me…And I wasn’t there with you for once, I’m so sorry my sweet girl…Wrapped you in a towel and took you for your last journey, did you hear me singing “You Are My Sunshine”? My voice didn’t crack once…
Pounce is inconsolable, his baby sis, his best bud is gone and he just doesn’t understand. He lies with his head down, when I come in he looks up and gives a tiny sad mew…We are doing
our best to comfort each other.
How can a house with eight cats feel so empty? The others crowd in my lap, rub against me, do their best to show me they love me–but none of them fit in that empty spot at the crook of my neck…
Oh, Darling one, I miss you. I said a very angry, hurt prayer last night–and it came to me, “Well, was she worth it? Was the joy of your time together worth the pain you’re feeling now? Or do you wish you’d never known her?” I have to say, sweetest, you are worth every tear.
We made each other so happy.
Your life was short, but you gave and received more love and joy in your three months than most manage in many years. I know that pain is the price of love, that we will have to say goodbye to every single one we love sooner or later–and that no matter how much time we have together, it is never, ever long enough…But I have faith that partings are also temporary, that all our stories will eventually have happy endings.
Should I realize my dream of becoming a chaplain, I hope the lessons of love and pain you have taught me will help me in dealing with others’ griefs–and I can carry on your task of bringing love into the world.
Your life was short, but full of meaning.
I don’t understand how someone who could not bear a minute apart could leave me so soon…But know when my time comes and I am walking to the Bridge, I will hear a raspy mew and look down to see a little paw on my leg and your eyes full of love and joy at seeing me again, and you will again nestle in that little spot at the crook of my neck and purr your happiness into my ear as I carry you across the Bridge to our next adventure–always together…
You will always be my sunshine...
| Precious |
| Teresa McMurrin |