Dogen is the practice of sitting quietly in reflection, in order to achieve enlightenment. It was the perfect name for a not-so-perfect dog, who gave me the enlightenment
I needed in my life.
It was 7-1/2 years ago when an unkempt, matted, lonely little dog stuck his small paw between the bars of a cage in a city shelter as I walked by. I touched his paw. His nose came through the bars, followed by his tongue to lick my nose. Our fate together was sealed.
Friends had told me that a shelter pet could be no good. But when they met you, they couldn’t help but fall in love with you. It came to be that even my mother wouldn’t ask how I was doing: She’d want to know–“How is my little man?” My friends would ask the same. I got jealous…but who wouldn’t be of a furry little gentleman like you?
It made me sad to tell my mother one day that you had collapsed, and that you would be on medication for the rest of your life. Little did I know “the rest of your life” meant just a few weeks more–and not a few months more, or a few years more, as the vet told me.
Dogen, you were so kind to me in the last. How can I ever repay you? How can I repay you for spending the day before you left me celebrating my birthday? How can I repay you for being yourself that day before–running to my landlady’s apartment because it was your 2nd home, and because my landlady insisted that she see “HER DOG”? How can I repay you for those few hours I had left with you, when you needed me, and I somehow knew that I had to stay with you as long as I could? I left for work finally, but called my landlady (your 2nd mom) to check on you. That last call…she told me to rush home right away.
No one can tell me you knew nothing because you were a dog. You took care of me, even at the end. You let me bring you home, let me pet you, let your 2nd mom hold you, and then you went into a quiet place…and onto a better place.
You went quickly, and so quietly, my little man. You weren’t always good, but you were always great. I thank you for your love and your consideration for being with me for my birthday. I thank you for your hairy face, your long fluffy tail, your impatient licking of my face when I was too slow to wake up in the morning. I thank you for all the times you never cared if I had a bad day, or lost my job, or argued with my friends, or broke up with my boyfriends, or fought with my family, or hated my work, or moved–as long as you could sit near me and forgive me.
I can’t believe how quiet this home is now. I always could hear the tinkle of your collar tags when you ran to the door and waited for me to enter. One night, I heard the tinkle and thought you were here–not realizing that I was holding your collar in my hand.
You were amazing, Dogen. You were a little dog with little time to make a big difference in my life. Let God be kind to me and give me a Heaven where I will see you, and sit beside you, and enjoy your peace and your spirit yet again. Thank you SO MUCH for your love.
With love and with blessings,
| Amitabha Dogen |
| 12, May 2005 |
| Paulette |