Author: Am

I first had my baby Bugsy when I was about 11. I was in the first year of secondary school when my dad got my baby from his friend. I went with my dad and choose Bugsy. God he was beautiful. He was only a month or two old when I got him. He was naughty back in the days. He was always full of life. The vet said he was a very curious rabbit who wanted to know what was going on around him always. He was lively and happy. Bugsy lived nearly 10 years, which for a rabbit is a very long time according to my vet.

His death was not expected. I mean at the back of mind I always knew I would have to let him go one days, but nothing could prepare me for this, how I’m feeling now, so empty, like a big piece of my heart is missing and hurting all the time. I just want him back. I want more time with him, does that make me selfish, but I took pleasure in looking after him. I liked it. He was my responsibility and my baby. I didn’t want him to go. Sometimes I pretend he’s still here, and sometimes I forget that he has gone.

Bugsy always had one runny eye all his life he had a bit of an eye problem, but it was under control. I just had to make sure I wiped his infected eye every day with a warm cotton wool to stop the mucus clogging up his eye.

I never needed to take Bugsy to the vet much because he was healthy and apart from his eye problem he had no real problems, and I could control his eye problem, so for nearly 9 years of his life he was healthy and had no real problems. But last year he started having teeth problems, which are common in rabbits. His teeth were overgrowing, which meant I had to take him to have a dental, in which he was put under anaesthetic and his teeth were trimmed.

I had to take him every 3 or 4 weeks, which at first seemed mad but rabbits teeth keep growing non-stop, so for over a year he has been going to the vets for a dental every 3 or 4 weeks.

Every time he came back home well, he never had any problems. He was fine the next day. Even though the poor darling went to the vets every few weeks, and he was scared every time I took him. When he was back he was back to normal and playing around and generally seemed happy. He never let things get to him, well that’s how I saw it.

Last month I noticed that his eye had alot of white mucus coming out of it. This was blocking his vision and his whole eye was red because it was causing him pain and he was scratching it, when I saw how much mucus was coming out of one of his eyes I knew straight away that something was wrong and that my baby was ill.

I took him to the vets who said that Bugsy probably needs a dental which is why his eye is watering more, as overgrown teeth can cause eye infections, so the vet told me to give Bugsy eye ointment for the infection for about 4 days to help clear up the infection, and then told me to bring Bugsy back for the dental and that they would clean out his eye and if they couldn’t clean his eye out, in case there was to much mucus then they would do an x-ray to see what the problem could be.

When I took Bugsy back home and gave him eye ointment it made no difference to his eye. The infection wouldn’t clear up. I then knew in my heart and felt that something was wrong with Bugsy and that maybe he was going to die. I just had the feeling. Anyway after I took Bugsy to the vets for the dental I spoke to the vets and he told me the news I had feared and guessed, Bugsy had a Abcess or something like that in his eye, an abcess is like cancer, it’s a ball of germ that spreads to the rest of the body. He told me that Bugsy would have to be put down. He said that I would never wake up and find him dead, that I would have to put him to sleep, and maybe he had two weeks before
it started to cause pain.

He told me this on a Friday, and Busgy was put down on the following Tuesday. He didn’t seem to be in pain but the vet said that he was in pain. It was spreading to the rest of his body, and me keeping him alive was causing him more pain. When I took Bugsy home that Friday, I cried non stop, even though he seemed ok he was not.

That’s why Bugsy is so special. He never showed any pain. He always was active. I knos he was old but he didn’t act like it. I spent more time with Bugsy because I thought he only had two weeks, but I was wrong. Bugsy changed. He seemed quiet that Tuesday. He also had mucus coming out of his nose and I could tell he was having difficulty breathing. The abcess had spread. I just knew then that I couldn’t do this to Bugsy, keep him alive in pain. I didn’t want to put him to sleep. I wanted him to live for alot more years but he was in pain. This germ was spreading to the body and causing him pain.

So that Tuesday I made an emergency vet appointement and took him. The vet said it had spread to his nose and that he was in pain and that I needed to decide when enough is enough, not only for Bugsy, but also for me. He said the longer you leave it the more harder it will get for you and more painful for Bugsy, so I made a decision. I knew Bugsy was in pain and I decided when I knew my baby was in pain. I would put an end to that pain straight away and not delay it, so I asked the vet how soon he could put Bugsy down and he said now and I said ok. I couldn’t stand him being in pain. I wanted to take him home for one more day, but that was being selfish. Bugsy was in pain then, how could I put him through one more day of pain. I couldn’t, as hard as it was and still is I had to think about Bugsy. He didn’t deserve a painful end. I don’t want him to remember his life like that.

Bugsy died 17/9/2002. Its only been a month but still I cry and think about him everyday. I have his picture framed and look at it everyday. I still can’t believe it’s real. I mean 10 years of my life was spent with him. We grew up together. I always remember him being there and now I’m alone. No one understands. My family don’t even mention him. I can’t forget him. I just wish they would talk about him. I feel so alone, because I am alone. He was everything to me. I cared for him, and now I have nothing to do, no one to stroke or even hold. It’s just memories left, no one can take my memories away. I just wish my family would talk about him. I feel like no one cares about him. I act like I’m ok around them but when I’m alone I cry. It’s been a month and I’m not over it yet. I don’t think you ever get over it. I keep thinking back and think what if I made the wrong decision about putting hime down. I can’t keep thinking like that though, but I can’t help feel it.

TO BUGSY; I love you Bugsy forever. I’m sorry if I ever did wrong by you. I never stopped loving you ever. I still worry about you, even though you’re gone I can’t help it. You were a massive part of my life. I love you so much. Don’t forget ever. xxxxxxx R.I.P BUGSY

Thank you for coming into my life and making me a better person.