Light A Candle in Loving Memories

Koani,

I first fell in love with you because of your multicolored whiskers. When I first held you I knew that I was lost. I knew that I had to keep you. You took so long to trust me that I didn’t know what to do with you. I knew that you had been abused and starved. I remember finding piles of food that you would hoard until you learned that you would always have food. Then I would find your toys in my shoes. You used to hide things you didn’t want taken away from you. When you became comfortable with that fact that I would never take anything from you, you stopped hiding your stuff. I miss finding your toys in my shoes. I will always remember that day you walked into the doorway, looked at me and said “Mama”, I sat up, held out my arms and said “baby”, and you came running to me, I knew then that you were mine. I had earned your trust. I also had the joy of watching you learn to be a cat. You would watch and mimic your new older sister. You looked past the fact that she hated that I brought you home.

It took you longer to learn to trust someone or to even to sit in the window. I remember that you used to hide whenever someone else would come into the apartment. Then it would be hours after they left until I saw you again. Then you learned to come out when I told you it was safe. Then there was the day that my mom walked into the apartment before I did and when I walked in you were on your back letting my mom rub your belly. When you saw me you started to run, I would not let you hide. I caught you and handed you to my mom and told you that it was safe to trust her. I wanted you to trust her. From that day forward you never ran from my mom but I could not get you to trust anyone else.

Then big sister died and I brought home another cat hoping to give you a playmate. She did want to play with you, unfortunately, she always played to rough for you and you would always come crying to me or to your bed to get away. I did notice however, that you could and would get her to give you a bath.

When you turned 10 years old I’d had you for 9 years. I started watching for signs of being sick. I can only say that is because I’d had your older sister for 9 years when she died, so I was expecting the same from you. You gave me another wonderful 18 months before you became ill. You died in my arms on the way to the vet. I’ll never forget what part of the road I was on when I realized you were gone.

Koani, my Ko, I love you, I love your whiskers, I love your blue eyes, I love your voice and how you would talk to yourself when you played or when you would say “ya” when I asked if you were a good girl, I love how you would knock everything off the table when you were begging for treats and you thought that I was ignoring you, I love how you would lick the condensation off my pop can, I love how you would shred paper, I love your grace, I love your silky fur. Koani, I love you more than you will ever know and the way you let me know that you needed me. I love you and I will not say goodbye.

Go and enjoy that after life empty of fear and full of toys. And maybe when you see Monkee again she will be nice to you.