Author: Justine Lello

My Little Munchkin, my Hoot Hoots, my Boobear, my Munch Monster, my Farfa, Farwin, Snuggles; my Billy, my Nahnah, my Dolly, and the other 150+ nicknames I used to call you–I MISS YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! It has been 5 wks now–my god, 5 wks, it just doesn’t seem possible–and your absence from my life is unbearable. I cry everyday, I think of you everyday. I had wallet sized pics made of you so I can carry you around with me no matter where I’m at. I miss being able to hold you, to hold you tight against me or my heart, where our heartbeats were synchronized. I miss petting your beautifully soft fur that you meticulously took care of. And I so miss looking into those big blue eyes of yours. I miss your energy, the essence of Farley. I miss you doing “snugglebunnies” with mama on the sofa or in bed, especially when you’d stretch out your paw just so you could maintain some contact with mama. It was like you needed that physical contact with me, and as long as your paw was physically touching me,you were comforted. I really miss your head butts. You were so small, but so damn strong. You’d head butt me and send me sprawling! I had to laugh everytime you did that because I don’t think you knew your own strength! Farfa–please know that I will NEVER forget you and all the wonderful, silly, goofy things you’ve done over the yrs. Most importantly, I will always remember the unconditional love you gave me, and how you taught me to love. You were always there for me, through the thick and the thin, and I could always count on you to put a smile on my face when I most needed it.

You were simply amazing, Farley. I know you were so sick in the end, yet you also held on for me, picking the time when you knew I’d be home and not traveling, and thus, able to be with you in death. I am ashamed of myself for forcing you to hold on. I honestly thought that with IV fluids and treatment, you’d pull through this crash, just like you did the others. I think you’d been trying to tell me for a couple of wks that you just couldn’t fight this fight anymore, and you needed the okay from me to let go. But I didn’t give you the okay, and pushed you to keep going. I’m so sorry, Farley. It was selfish of me to make you endure all that you did, but please understand I did it out of my love for you. I simply couldn’t bear to think of life without you. I know you knew I was going to have a hard time as well, and that is another reason you held on. You didn’t want me to suffer, so you held on for me. There is simply not enough I can do or say to tell you how much that meant to me. You were so in tune to mama’s feelings. And you were so brave to have done that when you must have been miserable! You were definitely my brave, brave little girl. I hope you took my face with you as the last thing you saw when you left me. I was right in front of your face, petting you, talking to you. I was sobbing, and I hope that didn’t scare you. I was with you through the entire process, my darling Farley. I had promised that to you yrs ago, that you would never be alone at the end, and I hope you know that I was there.

I worry about you every day, wondering if you’re okay, if you’re happy, if you’re out of pain. I hope you look down on me, and are my guardian angel. Remember we used to talk about you being my guardian angel? I hope you are, because it brings me some comfort knowing that you are somewhere around me, watching, looking, protecting, guarding. I ask constantly for you to send me a sign that you’re okay, and other than the one on the day of your cremation, you’ve not sent me anything. Why, baby Farfy? Why aren’t you speaking to me? I need to know you’re okay, as that is the only way I will be able to move on and heal. It scares me that you haven’t sent me a sign, because it worries me that you’re not okay.

Oh, Farfy….you brought me so much joy and goodness when my life was pretty devoid of any joy or goodness. You were the only reason I got up some days; the only reason I kept going. We were so in tune with each other, as we truly shared a bond that not many people share with their animals. Even your vet said in her entire career, she’s only seen a couple of instances where an owner has had such a strong bond with their cat. She also said she looks at our bond and relationship as a love story. I think that is a very good way to describe what we had, Farfy. We truly did have a love story. Your vet even made a money donation to a group in your name, Farley. She misses you too, and we talk every so often and reminisce about you.

Remember mama used to whisper to you that I love you always and forever? And I used to say to you that mama loves you more than life itself? That is still true, baby. You are my life, my world, my sun, my air, my rock. I will ALWAYS love you, and you will always be the love of my life. And I will always love you more than life itself. Please never forget that. Just because you’re gone doesn’t mean you’re forgotten! You will always be with me, in my heart. You, and only you, has the key to my heart. That will never change. You are my darling angel, Farley, and I thank you for everything you brought me and taught me in my life. You were an amazing kitty, a very intelligent kitty, a very loving kitty, and a kitty that allowed herself to be so in sync with her mama that we knew, before it happened, what each other wanted or needed. Our bond was so unique, Dolly, and I doubt many other cats and owners share what we did. I would have given up my life for you. I would have taken a bullet for you. I would have sacrificed anything if it meant you would be okay. Those feelings haven’t changed, Dolly, and I will always feel that way about you. I hope when you do look down on me, that you can see the love I have for you, and see how important you are to me. My life will never be the same without you here. I wish you didn’t have to go, but I know you were tired and your body was shutting down. You were so brave and courageous, and I thank you so much for holding on for me. What a special kitty you are and will always be. Please never forget our bond, our love for each other, and the special times we shared. Anytime you want to come do “snugglebunnies” with me in bed or on the sofa, you are welcome.

Please be happy, Farley, and know that I will come for you one day. We will be together again one day, and then we can start our lives together again. I pray that you are out of pain, and your little hips are once again in tip top form. You are my life, baby. I love you, my little angel–never forget that.