You came into my life August 4th 2005 with 3 brothers and 2 sisters. I didn’t know at first just how special you would become to me. You and your siblings went with me at just 5 days old on a 900 mile road trip. You endured beyond belief and you all thrived happily, on the second day of the road trip you all started to open your eyes! I was the first thing you saw and I knew you and your siblings immediately saw your momma kitty in me! I made sure you were all fed and happy, and you even went to see the vet the 4th day with me after we got back. Of course you guys all got Coccidia, but easy does it and Dr. Middle and I got you all on some medication and we even dewormed you all.
With hurdle number one over things were normal for a few more days, that’s when you, Beautiful decided to stand out from the rest. You became severely dehydrated overnight; I awoke at about 4:00 a.m. to you away from your siblings listless. I immediately took you into the bed with me, on a blanket and cuddled with you, hoping against all odds that you would make it until I could get you to my vet provided he would let me in immediately. I at that point named you Beautiful, because I thought you were the most beautiful kitten I had ever seen, ill or not. I whispered to you telling you how much I loved you and that if you survived this that I would make my home yours too, permanently.
You went to the vet and got subcutaneous fluids and against all odds you survived. I took you to work with me and gave you fluids every hour to build up your strength and you survived, not only survived but started to thrive! I was thrilled beyond belief and was so happy, happy like I had never been before. I added miracle to your name because I felt like you were a miracle. I refused to leave your side once that day, so worried that you would need me. I had to leave though for groceries badly that night, I kept checking on you before I left so worried. I went to the store and was gone for no more than 20 minutes that was all… I came back and threw the groceries on the counter eager to check on you.
You were there all right, but with a new ailment! Your rectum prolapsed! I was devastated. I have never had money really no matter how hard I worked, born poor trying to get out of it. I’ve rescued since the age of 5 and against all odds had so far been successful, but never had dealt with so many issues in a litter. How was I to pay? I rushed you into the ER anyhow around midnight, determined to do whatever I had to do to help you with what little money I had. Luckily this time around I got the best vet in the ER! Amy, she was willing to help me with my only paying the $65 exam fee something I was and am eternally grateful for!
Amy said to come back in 24 hours if there was a second prolapse for sutures as they typically like to replace the rectum and hope it holds. Of course as luck would have it you prolapsed about 4 hours later at 2 inches. I again rushed you to the vet at 4:00 a.m. trying to stay awake as I’d been up over 24 hours at this point. I again got the wonderful vet Amy, who gladly stitched you up. Although I about wanted to cry hearing your screams! Amy also did Sub-Q on you for free upon my request, and even gave me a free can of special diet food for you to help harden your stools and get some weight on you. Amy even gave you a special towel for warmth which was so kind of her.
You took to the idea of getting better with zest! It took time but slowly and with yet another vet visit check-up under your belt you started to gain weight and energy. Despite being half the size of your siblings and with stitches in your bottom you beat the odds and survived! You only went through on little bout of dehydration again about a week before you passed, I took you in for Sub-Q, you also got dewormed again, and even some Nutri-Cal for extra calories. You thrived like
no other after that.
It still took you a while to gain more weight but you did and you started to grow more! I took you all to work everyday with me no matter what, and you did so well. I hated having to separate you and only keep you with one sibling that didn’t suckle on you but it kept you safe with stitches in tact. You always looked for me no matter what; you followed me everywhere and slept with me. You were my shadow, never leaving my side and always with the loud meow of something to say!
You never let the fact that you were smaller get you down, or make you different. You loved unconditionally, and I loved you just as much if not more. You used to cry and jump at me until I’d pick you up. You’d grab my face with your paws for kisses. I miss that about you so much. I got you all a new kennel for work so you could all play together. You were tiny enough to squeeze through as I found out quickly as I walked away and you were so determined to come with me! I heard a customer exclaim; “Oh look at the kitty!” I ran over and there you were looking for me, and upon seeing me you’d run/walk over to me and
into my hands for kisses.
This ritual I knew would get you in trouble eventually, but it never had anywhere but in the house or at work in the store. The fateful day that I was running late and upset about a situation with my bank was the day I didn’t give you all kisses before putting you all in the big kennel for the trip to my car to work. I was to feed you at work as I didn’t have the time. My neighbor stopped me to see all of you, and I pointed you out stroking you through the bars. It must have happened in the few seconds I sat the kennel down to unlock and open the door.
You escaped my little Houdini.
I hurried to put the kennel in sure that I saw all of you in the kennel. Strangely enough I never heard a meow, nor did I notice you. I can only imagine the rest. I imagine you following me quietly wanting my attention. Why you did not cry I’ll never know, why I did not notice you will always haunt me. I got in my car and left for work. Only when I arrived did I notice frantically you were not in the kennel. I knew, but I did not want to know. I sped home, and there I found you. I never meant to hurt you, I am so sorry you were alone. You were doing so well, and I’m sure you were only following momma wanting the kisses I forgot to give you in my hurriedness.
This is something I will regret the rest of my life, that I never slowed down, that I did not see, that I never got to say goodbye. I am dumbfounded and very hurt, but I’m sure not as much as you. I hope you will forgive me and that you love me still. I had big plans with you, and now I’m missing such a large part of my heart which I don’t think will ever heal. I try to remember the good times, I look at all the pictures and videos that I took, and glad I took them. Then I think of how it was to be you and hope you don’t think I forgot you on purpose I never would have forgotten you. I think of what I could have done different and why this happened.
I will never know these answers I can just hope that you are with me no matter what. I think perhaps yet again for the second time in about 2 months that this is life’s way of telling me to slow down and enjoy what I have no matter the time. I keep going because I know you’d want me to like others before you. I keep my chin up to help your siblings continue to grow and get new families.
I asked your help to choose one of your siblings to stay with me to continue the work we planned with animal assisted therapy. Your siblings each have one trait unique to all the traits you had put together. I love all equally but you will always have a very special part of my heart. I hope you meet Fleur where you are, she will be a great playmate. You will meet my grandfather too I’m sure and he’ll take care of you until we meet again. I’ve received 4 of the nickels so far, I’m waiting for the rest. I’m waiting to know you are okay.
I hope you forgive me, and that you know I will always love you more than anything. If I could turn back time and bring you back I would. I will keep you with me in my heart and share your loving story of courage, caring, and love with those who need it. You keep me going. I will never forget you. I love you so much.
I Will Always Love You, I Will Never Forget You.
| Stefanie Gundereson |