I can’t believe we’re coming up on 8 years…..can you?
Oh sweet baby girl, what you’ve missed.
Oh, I know you’ve been watching us, reminding me to smile everyday; you’re not in pain anymore,
but you’ve missed so much.
Big snowfalls, your favorite!
A new addition, your baby brother, Max…..although I’m not sure you’d really be thrilled about him. OK, yes, a Great Dane is a bit much…..but he’s so special. Hey, did you send hi…..you did, didn’t you? You knew Mommy needed a new baby to help her thru these last couple of years and there you were, right on time sending him to me. Thank you sweetie, thank you.
You always knew me better than I knew myself…..
I guess you still do?
Hey, I’ve not found many pennies lately, you must be busy at The Bridge. Yes, we did send your cousins Abby, Milo and Sambo to see you. I hope you were there to greet them! Are they OK? Of course they are, you’re there with them! I know you Dolly, you’re helping them and playing with them…..WOW! I bet they can run like the wind now….you too, huh? How is that old back of yours anyhow?
I bet you feel great!
So, back to you not sending me any pennies. What’s up with that? I used to find them like crazy, especially on rainy days. I think you were trying to remind me that we’d snuggle down under the deepest blanket and eat junk food and watch TV, is that what you were trying to remind me of? Slow down, that was always your motto, wasn’t it? I’ve not done “our thing” in a long time, but you know that. Let’s see, what was that exact poem? I remember it was that if you find a penny pick it up ’cause it’s someone in Heaven that loves you trying to get your attention. Well Dolly, I know you loved me, you still do…..you’re still my baby girl. How about throwing me a penny as soon as you have a second…..I’m starting to forget some things about you.
I was in my car on the way to work the other day and I smelled you! Do you know how wonderful that was?!?!??? I remembered how sweet you smelled!!!!!But I’ve forgotten what you sounded like. Yes, Daddy & I bought the video camera right after you left us, but it was because we wanted to get everyone else on tape so we could see them years from now. I only wish we’d gotten you on film. I know it’s too late for regret, and I’ve been through it all; the “what if’s”, the “if I’d only’s”, I should have’s” and the rest of the guilt…..but in the end I know that we did more for you in your three short years with us than anyone else in the entire would would’ve done for you. Yes Dolly baby, I still have guilt, remorse, anger, denial…..heck, I even heard you next to me in bed & felt you walking on me…..but then I forced myself to open my eyes so I wouldn’t have to face the burning pain of slowly realizing that you’re not really here.
Face it head on, just like you took on life, disc disease and Leukemia…..and death.
I guess I should thank you for not making it a long, drawn out painful thing, but a short…..extremely painful thing.
Baby girl, it’s getting late and I’d love to go to bed while you’re still so fresh on my mind…..maybe you’ll come to me in a dream again. I also keep hoping that you’ll send me someone else that’s just like you…..I know she’s out there, I’m just waiting on you now.
I love you my angel child. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Be well.
Be safe.
Be good…..
but you always were.
Keep throwing me pennies.....I'll keep catching them!
| Dolly |
| 31, Aug 2000 |
| BethAnn |