I remember when I first saw you: all black and wriggly and small. You took my heart right away. You cried and cried, but your mom wasn’t there. Her life, and you siblings’ were forfeit. And you were left,
weeping and alone.
I took you into my arms, and put you in a warm bed of my own making. But you would not still, would not stop crying. Taking you into my arms again quickly solved this. You were warm and safe, I said, though you could not hear me. Too young, to see or hear, though you could feel me near. You licked me happily, and I knew I was yours. Hope, I called you, my only one left.
I had to look up puppies to care of you, for you were a first in a list of many in my life. You would not cry or still if I lay you down. Only in my arms would you joyously abound. I fed you and cleaned you, and became your adopted parent. I was happy with you by my side.
At night, I silently lay you next to me. But you didn’t like that. You crawled and stubbornly pulled your way to me. You, sweet darling, crawled inside my pants and gave me one heck of a start. But I loved you, and could not deny you warmth, so I took you, and lay you on my chest. My shirt covering you, you snuggled happily.
Feeling each other’s heartbeats, we fell asleep.
Waking up with you was wonderful. You were my baby, and I your parent. We were inseparable, nothing could bring us apart. If I had to leave, I’d put on your favorite jacket, and you’d hide inside my shirt, or snuggle in my sleeve. I’d keep you warm and keep you fed; that was my only purpose. You were my light that guides, my one only comfort.
Another day, a new worry. You fell off my bed. You were so cold, I was so worried. But you were fine! I held you again, you felt the warmth, and whined calmly. I took you, and lay you next to me. You slept soundly, I watched TV. Constanly checking on you, I covered you were sick. I was all alone, no one to call or nowhere to go. I was forced to keep you safe as your last moments ticked by. I held you in my arms, as I had done all your short life. I wept as I never have before; all my attempts to save you were in vain. Now you’re gone, and I have warmly sent you off with a mantle and my heart, that’s all that I can give you.
Now my only Hope is gone, you don’t know how I miss you. Everyday and every night it feels as though I need you. I knew you for so shortly, yet it feels like years of companionship and love. I wish it had been longer, that you had known my voice; and I, your eyes. I’ll miss you forevermore, my Hopy. I know you’re gone, and yet you’re not. I feel you by my side. I feel your nose nuzzle my chest as you always used to do. I hear your voice which I so love, it slowly break my heart. But I know now that you’re above, and you’re not all alone.
You are with me in everything I do. In your favorite jacket; in your space beneath my shirt; in your warm and calming voice, which echoes in my head; in your forever empty bed. In the remnants of your food; in the bottle from which you drank; in the place that you were born, in my mind and in my heart, where you forever linger.
Wait for me, my Hopy, my love; I will meet you soon above. As I forget you not, please leave not my side.
~You were the light that guided me; my purpose; my only Hope. You, with your rugged ears; you, with your soft whines; with your black fur; with your loving licks; your smell in my room; and the empty space in my chest were you used to sleep. I love you and miss you forever.
Wait for me.~
I love you, always,
| Hope |
| Gretchen B. Nieves Cruz |