Rosie Mae by Christine / Mommy

Rosie was my first pet all to myself. I wanted my own cat since I was little. My great-grandma whom I lived with (as well as my grandma) would not allow me to have one there. My grandma and I got our own place in December 1993. My other great-grandma was the “crazy cat lady” of her neighborhood. She always had kittens and now, this was my chance. My grandma was making my dreams come true. I carefully looked over the kittens that were born on Valentines Day 1994. It was a nice April afternoon. I saw many cute little kitties but then I was informed there was a runt hiding under the dresser. I reached in, felt fur, and pulled the little warm body out. She was the size of a hamster. I fell in love. I called her Rosie.

Rosie stayed at my side for eight years. She was with me through high school, when I moved away and worked, pregnancy, early motherhood, and early marriage. In Feb 2002 financial crisis forced me and my husband to move in with his parents. They would not allow me to bring my cat with me. I needed to give her to my aunt. My aunt let her outside all the time and that scared me. Well my fears were real because Rosie got out last October and never came home. I don’t know what happened to her. She may be dead or with someone. I don’t know. But I am realizing now that I will never see her again and now its time for me to grieve and I am. It hurts very bad.

I am so sorry sweet Rosie that I wasn’t a better mommy. I should have done better by you this year. You must have wondered why I abandoned you. I fear for you now. I don’t know where you are, if on this Earth at all. I pray everynight that you are either at Rainbow Bridge happy and warm or with people who are loving you. I am scared you are cold, hurt, or in danger. I am sick at me for not doing better for you. I love you and will never ever forget you.

Rosiecat – I grieve

The softness that was her body,
the sweetness that was her soul
Guilt fills my every bone, I regret, I ache, I miss her so
If only I’d of found a better way,
if only I’d of tried harder
My hands were tied then
but now my heart is knotted
To think I will never kiss those little pink lips or
look into her eyes makes me weep
I want my little fluffball and I want her now,
never ever will she be forgotten
She walked along with her tail in the air, knowing she was my princess, she was proud
Feisty little girl with orginial ways. She knew what she wanted and expected nothing less
She was much like me in every way. She was my little clone.
She perched my shoulder like a bird, carried toys around and fetched like a dog,
She walked around like a lady and sat and
stared like a gypsy.
She was magical, bright, and pure.
I may never know where she lay or how the end of her time on Earth turned out.
Not knowing is unbearable,
there is a knot in my throat,
I am choking on it.
I pray to see her once more. I would swoope her up right now if I could and never let her go, or at least protect her better for the rest of her time on this Earth.
I know now that holding her again is extremely unlikely, so therefore I sit here left with pictures, memories,
and a lump in my chest, I grieve. Nothing can ever replace her and I would never ever even try, I grieve, I remember the feel of her fur on my skin and I grieve. I remember the smell of her breath and how her little nose felt on my fingertip, I grieve. I remember her little sounds and the sight of her sleeping in all her perfected positions, I grieve. I never ever forget, and I never ever stop missing my baby, I grieve,
I grieve, I grieve.

(My sweet sweet girl, I love you so much. I will always remember how you were at my side through everything. You never turned your back on me and yet I had to turn my back on you. I will never forgive myself for not fighting harder nor will I ever forgive the ones who made us part. They never understood we were a team. Every little moment we had is engraved inside me and held close. I never forgot you and I never will. I love you forever and will forever have an empty spot inside me that belongs to you.)

 

With Love,