3 / 17 / 94 ----- 5 / 31 / 98
This is the letter I wrote to my wonderful loving mixed breed
dog Scout who died when she wandered into the yard of a man with a gun
and an insane cruel mentality. I came home from my honeymoon - the
happiest week of my life - to discover my best friend and constant
companion had been ripped away from me suddenly. It is a wound that will
probably never heal. I only hope she is happy now and will never feel hurt again.
To my beloved Scout,
For four years I could not imagine coming home without you greeting me at
the door just as joyously if you hadn't seen me in 30 minutes or 30 days.
Today is the first time I have had to endure coming home without you there.
This is so hard to live with.
Scout you've been the only constant in my very turbulent life these past
few years. The only things I could always count on were your loyalty,
your companionship your patience your sweetness your exuberance
your love and you coming to greet me at the door wagging your tail.
I haven't always been the most perfect owner to you but I can
honestly say I tried to keep you healthy and happy.
And you were happy - anyone could see that.
I remember the day I picked you up at Destrehan Animal Hospital.
May 8 - you were six weeks old. The vet tech brought two puppies out from
the back: you and your sister Dixie Doodle. At the time I was expecting
little black Labs - not the tiny mixed-breed German shepherd-looking
puppies she cradled in her arms - and I was disappointed.
But I brought the two of you out onto the grassy area in front of the
clinic anyway and within seconds I knew you were the one.
You were so tiny but already had such a sense of independence.
When I followed the directions of the vet and put you in a big cardboard
box for the night you hollered until I let you have free rein of the kitchen.
I loved having you as a puppy despite - and because of - the
tremendous amounts of energy you needed to release.
You tried so hard to be good but sometimes you just couldn't.
Then as you grew older and wiser you stopped all that puppy
destructiveness and grew into a well-behaved quick-learning
loyal friend and constant companion.
I cannot imagine going hiking or camping without you.
I can't imagine going to the dog park without you.
I can't imagine looking out onto a beautiful natural view and
not having you running around or swimming full of joy.
Watching you get so much pleasure from the outdoors made
me appreciate nature so much more.
There is such an empty place inside of me that only you can fill.
Waking up every morning without my Scout is going to be unendurable.
Going through the day without my Scout is going to be unendurable.
Being sad and not having my Scout to comfort me is going to be
unendurable - it already is.
You've brought such a sense of love and joy to my life that it is going to
be a little duller a little more lifeless without you.
But because you have affected me so deeply I can tell you that
I have become a changed better person because of you.
You're part of me and as long as I live you will too.
How I wish I could have been there at the last moments of your life.
I would have held you and told you what a good dog you've always
been how much I love you how I would do anything to take
away the hurt and the pain.
More than anything I want you to know how much I love you and
how much I'm going to miss you terribly.
I wonder if you understand that now wherever you are.
That's my greatest hope that you know how devastated I am
because you're gone.
I hope you know how much I loved you and how much you meant to me.
You were and are truly a soul mate to me and so I know that in some form,
we will meet again one day.
I hope now you're in a better place than this world and that the
violence that ended your beautiful peaceful happy life so abruptly will
never touch you again.
I'm so helpless to do anything here on this earth but feel my
own heart breaking and pray that whoever created your soul will take
very good care of you now because I can't anymore.
I miss you so much already and
I will always love you.
Your loving Eileen
| Scout |