Vasili by Kate / Mommy

FOR VASILI, MY SWEETY

Not sure where to begin…
I love you and I miss you.
But I did not seem to win.
I only lost.
Lost my best friend,
My furry companion,
Who always gave me so much.
I am so proud of you, my love
My angel, my sweet dove.
For I know that you tried to stay strong,
For you and I,
It was not time to die.
I want you to know,
That I never gave up.
I was not ready to let go,
But you could not keep up.
You tried so hard,
I know you did.
You made mommy proud,
There is no doubt.
Although I am so sad,
I believe in my heart
That you are in a good place now,
Together with God.
I keep watching out,
Hoping I will see you
Or feel you, or hear you,
Or even smell you.
I pray to God to give me a sign,
For I feel as if I am blind.
I keep asking God to reassure me
That you are doing well,
That you are happy and pain free.
I also want to know if you miss me,
Like I miss you,
And that you are not upset with me,
About the decisions I had to make.
They were the most difficult decisions of my life,
I want to believe I did everything possible to keep you alive.
I still think it was too soon.
I know you did not want to leave,
And now I must grieve.
I hope my pain and sorrow don’t seem selfish,
I knew that eventually I must unleash.
Not left with too much time to say a proper goodbye,
I took a deep breath and let out a sigh,
“You are so beautiful,” I said.
Inside and out,
Above and beyond.
I wanted to shout!
Please forgive me for one thing:
I could not bear to watch you leave.
That last moment was the hardest,
When they were about to put you to rest.
I know I promised to stay till the very end,
But I didn’t have the courage to see your life end.
I feel regretful about this,
Forgive me please.
Your body has passed on,
But your soul and spirit shone.
You and I are not alone.
I am waiting, anticipating
To see you again very soon.
I hope that God answers my prayers,
And that he gives us a chance to reunite.
I hope in my heart that you come back to this earth
Reborn as an infant kitten during a new birth.
God willing, I will find you as this new kitten
I will know by instinct that it is you, my love.
For now,
I hope to see you in my dreams,
To talk to you, to hold you.
I hope God answers my prayers soon.

 

Love and kisses