by Anna Curran / Anna Curran Copyright 2014

Daddy and I brought you home one day,
you were such a happy pup.
So excited to meet us,
you even pooped in the truck.

We took you so many places that day.
You were so excited, all you did was play.
You were always so good and loving to us
and never ever did you ever make a fuss.

You would sit at the gate, as the neighbors would say. You watched for our cars, at the gate you would stay. Daddy and I wondered if a brother for you would be nice. So in came Chili hoping he would suffice.

You welcomed Chili into the family,
even when he nipped you on the nose.
But a bond between you both
soon thereafter arose.

Fiesta Island was your favorite place to be,
oh how you swim in that little sea.

You jumped up and down like
a rabbit when excited,
throwing a ball down a path
usually made you elated.

As the years passed by and
the older you became,
your fur turned white and
you looked wiser but the same.

This poem sucks so far, but Chase;
it is all I can do.
All I do is cry now and mourn for you.

They say there is a heaven and an afterlife. They say we will be together
again at the end of our lives.

Chili and I are quite a pair so lonely
and depressed.
I don’t sleep anymore and
barely get up to get dressed.

You left without warning and
I thought I was prepared.
But I was not ready for you
to leave us and the love we all shared.

You gave me a look on January 8th,
nothing distressing, just a look.
You walked into daddy’s office and
at first I thought not much of it,
but something told me to get up
from where I sit.

I walked in the room at 7pm.
Again nothing new or distressing
I thought as I sat.
But something in your manner
told me this was where I needed to be at.

Your daddy called to say “Hi” at 7:20pm, I thought for a moment if I should say anything to him. As your father spoke, I don’t remember a thing that he said, I just looked and pondered what to say while petting your head. Your father loved you probably more than me, I knew I may ruin his day… but at least he would know.

I doubted my skills as a nurse as I could not make you comfortable and as the time went on, I knew my requests to you were not justifiable.

I begged for you to stay for just a little while longer, please wait for daddy, Chase, he would want to be with you.

Your panting got louder your tongue turning white, I knew you were trying but the end was in sight. I sponged water in your mouth and held you and cried. The children were sad, crying and the puppy by my side.

I don’t think you knew who I was after 8pm, which made me sad that you wouldn’t know I was with you to the end.

I held you tight and laid next to you on the floor and told you repeatedly, “I Love You, I Love You” hoping you would hear my words
through the tears and sobbing.

I felt so helpless I could not save you and I knew that you probably would not want to be saved.

I called my mom and cried on the phone, never speaking to anyone long and leaving you alone.

She told me to tell you it was ok to leave, something I said I would never do again because the recipient seems to concede.

At 10pm after 3 hours of this. I laid on the floor and held your head. I said these final words, “Chase we love you so much, you have been such a good dog. Daddy says it is ok to leave, he loves you so much, and when he gets home, he will take care of things and take you to
Fiesta Island where you can play all day”.

At 2205 or around that time, you gave in. Your breathing labored, incontinence ensued. I cried so loudly I even scared myself. Your head started jerking as you took your last breath, I was beyond myself and so heartbroken as you were going. I whispered in your ear, “please take your last breath and don’t suffer anymore, I love you, I love you, I love you , I love you, I love you……”

At 2208 you took your last breath just as you were told, it shows that more than me, you were so brave and bold.

As weird as it sounds, since your body was still here, there was some denial as I could see you sleeping in there.

I have seen you nearly everyday for the past 13 years, I think don’t anything can stop my broken heart or tears.

I cry now at the drop of a hat,
a bit of an inconvenience depending
on where I am at.

In the near two decades that I have known your dad, never have I seen him look so tired and so sad. I have only seen tears in his eyes only twice in my life, when he saw that you were gone and the gaining of a wife.

I’m trying to be strong for Daddy, kids and 2 other dogs. I am trying to cope and not be such a dope. My eyes are swollen and I keep forgetting to eat, Chase not one diet book has ever been successful at this feat.

I have a continuous headache from crying so much. Chili is depressed but still eating a bunch. I worry about him and how he will do without you. Something deep down tells me the puppy as a distraction simply will not do.

Could you give us a sign every now and then, that you are fine and we will see each other again.

I have a favor to ask, I mentioned it to you before. Can you protect us from heaven where you sit at the door.

Finally, thank you for letting me be with you to usher you from this world.
Daddy said, it staved off some strife, knowing that someone was there through the last breath of your life.

We will never forget you and that will never change. But the rest of this life without you will always feel so strange.

I will always love you my Angel


Anna Curran