The day we went to the animal shelter I sternly told my two girls we were just looking. Chandy, our golden retriever, had passed away a couple of months ago. Holly, then 13 years old and Grace, 7, agreed to only look. Knowing what a silly agreement that is to extract from one’s children, I know now that I missed having a dog as part of our family terribly and must have been hoping that we would find our new family member.
We got to the shelter and a volunteer brought us to the long hallway with pens on either side. In Philadelphia shelters dogs are only held for a couple of weeks before they are put to sleep. Just not enough room and too many abandoned dogs. All the dogs were barking at once, there must have been at least two dozen dogs. One of my girls, I can’t remember which one, pulled my shirt sleeve and said “look at this one Mommy!” In the first pen on the right there she was, sitting quietly right behind the wire mesh, not communicating with barks – but her eyes! Rich chocolate brown, so expressive. She just looked at us so intensely. My daughters both held their hand up to the wire, and she licked and licked their hands, so grateful for the visit, for children to love, even for a moment. Well, that was it for us. A short while later we emerged with Zoe – the name she had been given by her previous owner. We thought about changing her name but somehow she was, well, Zoe! Now we know the name is Greek and means “life”.
That was ten years ago. Holly is now married. Grace is in college. On August 13th I called them both up to tell them that it was time, that Zoe had told me it was time for her to go. I promised them that I would take very good care of her. Everyone cried. We knew it was coming – the vet had told us she likely wouldn’t make it past 7 years due to horrific hip problems. She was 13 years old when I put her to sleep. The vet came to our house and then took her away to be cremated. I don’t remember much detail after she left me, my grieving was so deep. I always have stayed right by my dogs’ side, petting them and speaking to them softly so that they knew I was with them and not to be afraid. Then their essence, the friend you have had for so long, is gone. So quickly, so quietly. And you know that they aren’t ever coming back. She was such an amazing, amazing girl.
I have her ashes now, in a box next to Chandy’s boxed ashes. My girls and I always intended to have a ceremony for Chandy but somehow it just never happened. I don’t think I wanted to let go. We’ve got a great place in Lake Placid, NY in the Adirondacks. Both dogs spent many happy times there, as we did with them. This is where we intended to spread Chandy’s ashes. Although the two dogs never met, they both spent their lives with us. They loved us, comforted us, licked our tears when we cried, were excited when we were excited, played with us, and protected us with fierce loyalty and unconditional love. Perhaps it is time to place them both to rest, together, along the shores of Lake Placid.
Goodbye faithful and lovely friend.
| Zoe |
| 13, Aug 2010 |
| Stephanie |