My sweet Akasha only lived for a year and was in our lives for a mere nine months. I found Akasha in a pet store. She was a scared little girl that no one wanted because of her lack of trust in humans. I wonder if she had been a feral kitten. She had been there for a month and the store wanted to take her to the pound since she wasn’t wanted. Even though I already had a full house at home I did not hesitate in my decision to bring her home. I knew she belonged with me. For a kitty that was so scared and fearful of humans she wrapped her small fragile body around my neck and purred the entire drive home.
Oh how she loved to snuggle up under the blankets with my husband and I purring away like a sweet little angel. Akasha made me love like I didn’t think I could love. Such an old soul for such a young body. I remember her calm stare the unspoken trust, the love in her eyes, her patience with all the others during feeding time. What a special girl she was. Akasha taught me in a houseful of nine other kitties that all love is unique and special. I hurt for her loss more than I could imagine.
I struggle with the guilt of not knowing if I could have helped her had I known. She had been the vet several times and I always commented on her odor. The doctor could not explain it. It wasn’t bad breath. I had associated the odor with my Jasper when he was dieing of kidney failure. I should have recognized it. How could I let this happen. If I had found out sooner that she was ill would she have had a longer better life or a life full of tests, surgeries, and constant car rides to the vet.
This all happened just a little over a week ago. Akasha began to pant and hardly breathe. She started rejecting her food. In a panic I rushed her to my vet where he recommended a specialist. The X-rays showed a mass covering her lungs almost completely. There was barely enough room for her to breathe. An ultrasound showed a mass four times the size of her heart. My baby was slowly suffocating and starving since eating brought her great pain. I was told there was little we could do and had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had my sweet little baby put to rest. Akasha and I had a strong bond and this was something I refused to do until I realized to hang on would be to make her suffer so. I knew she understood what had to be done. Akasha, the lady she was, knew how to make a graceful exit. I held on to her small delicate paws as slipped away to a world of no more pain. I cried for her short life, I cried out of shame and guilt, I cried in relief that she would suffer no more, I cry still now for everything.
I miss her so but do not want to bind her soul to this earth. I want her to know I made the choice out of love. There was nothing we could have done to help save her without causing so much pain and agony for her. Akasha left this world like a lady with such dignity and grace. I know she would not want me to be sad. She has taught me to take the time to enjoy life and all the others around me. She had an “old” soul that was the most beautiful soul I have ever had the honor to meet let alone be apart of. Akasha my love you are forever in my heart, mind and soul. Until our next meeting remember I love you now and always.
I miss and love you, Akasha, my love.
| Akasha |
| Ramey Hoff |