Many of you may not like what I am about to write.
I do not either but unfortunately what I have to say is true.
I do have one question for you…how do I make up
for what I have done?
It was July 3rd. My boyfriend and I just finished a doctors appointment
in Buffalo NY. I suggest we stop in the pet shop and “see”
the guinea pigs. At first sight I fell in love with this
black headed dark brown eyes and brown and black body.
Her fur was every which way. “Please Matty I begged”.
I held her in my arms and tears came to my face.
“She loves me and needs me”.
We took her home along with a cage water bottle food dish,
and cardboard box. I sat in the back seat holding her carefully.
We drove back to Rochester NY to show Mallie her new home.
For days weeks months years we let her run around the house.
She would poop everywhere! She would hide under the recliner for hours.
She would place herself in corners of the room.
The only time we could get her to play was when we were trying
to catch her to put her in the cage. We had to use lettuce and be fast.
She did not like to be held. She had to be wrapped in her pink towel
to settle down and let us hold her. Sometimes she even needed to
be fed a carrot to keep her attention.
As soon as she was done down to play it was.
She loved being in the bathroom hidden behind the toilet of course
while Matt took a bath.
This was hard on both Matt and I. He was used to a dog that always
wanted to lie with him. I was used to a guinea pig named Maxine
(5 1/2 years earlier) who loved to be held by me for hours sometimes.
She too loved hiding under furniture. I think after a while of not too
much affection our hurt became our controller.
After we bought our house and “had something new” to deal with
we played with her less often. Her play time was very minimal.
We stopped picking her up and petting her. As terrible as it sounds she
became a caged animal.
I often would say we should spend more time with her. We should pick
her up and pet her but we never did. I never realized it though
until now that she is gone.
One year after buying the house we were ready for a dog.
The dog became our life. He was so different than Mallie.
He never wanted to be away from us. He always wanted to be the center
of attention. And he was. I was so worried about him hurting Mallie
that I never let her out of the cage to play. I did not want him to bite
her or think she was a stuffed toy. I kept her away so he would not
harm her or kill her. Occasionally he would go over to the cage
to sniff her she would stand up and stiff back.
I think they loved each other. Even then I was blind to her needs
of companionship.
On February 15 in the night she must have been tired of the
lack of attention and love. She died.
In the morning I thought my life was over. It is.
I read a book on guinea pigs yesterday. It said they thrive on compassion
love attention and exercise. They need more than lettuce and food,
they need vegetables and fruits. I gave her some but not many.
They even need more companionship than even me…they needed a
guinea pig companion. No one ever told me that.
I then realized I killed my guinea pig. Mallie was living in total loneliness.
She was as lonely and depressed as I am now but everyday since
I took her from the pet shop. Do you all hate me as much as I hate myself?
How can I ever recover from what I have done?
I love my malliepoo. I miss her and need her.
I can not even look at Liam my puppy. I see her pain every time he
is near me. I do not want to push him away but I hate myself.
I had enough love for both of them…why didn’t I give it to her?!!!!!
Somebody help me!!!! Mallie I want you back to hold and love.
I ALWAYS LOVED YOU AND NEEDED YOU.
Please remember that. I am so happy you are in Heaven with
all the other guinea pigs and love and compassion.
I will be there again someday.
I will find you and never let you go.
You are my life.
Love Always,
Nicole (Matt too)
| Nicole and Matt |