Dear Alba
You were worth about P6,000 but we were able to receive you at P4000 so we could bring you home from the streets. Sometimes we pass that same street in Mabolo and it would break my heart to see the lady who sold you. The lady who asked us to promise to always take care of you and to never forget to feed you “Tiki-Tiki” because you liked it so much. You also liked a lot of attention to be groomed and you always slept beside me for warmth and loving care.
We took you in the green van and slept. At first we thought you fainted and woke you up during the ride but you were okay after awhile. Then we stopped by Gaisano Country Mall so my sister could buy you some puppy food and I was with you in the van. You played with the juice straw and licked the shake can. We bought you tiki-tiki on the way home and you loved it so much.
I remember washing you blow drying your hair. You played catch with the rubber blue earth ball and kept playing with it for a months until I last saw it with millions of craters on its surface. This object will remind me of you always. You really had fun with it and it looks tortured now. It gives me an image of what you’ve been doing with it to satisfy your craving puppy teeth trying to hold it with your puppy paws as you always did. You bit my mom’s curtains and peed on her most expensive carpet in the dining room.
We will always remember your really sharp claws that scratched our heels while you were jumping on us. You played with the puppy doll and got angry when I sneaked it up on you. You bit its nose and wrestled with it. When I placed it on the chair you tried to get it because you thought it looked so damn similar to you. I remember when I arched my back so you could get up on the chair and it tickled so much! I tried training you but you only spilled the water. You looked against the glass and barked because you saw yourself. You ran around the garden and almost ate grass until I got it out from your red little tongue. You were always so frivolous and jumped all over Anka all over the garden.
I promised myself I would let you out every afternoons but some days I was so selfish and sad that I failed to notice that my true happiness was in you your love was a reflection of God’s love. I gave you a treat dog bone and you carried it around.
My last wonderful vision of you was when I came back from my bedroom and saw you carrying a black pot you probably got from the gardener’s beautiful plant. You looked so cute. Then you placed a little stone in your mouth because Autumn was obsessively digging a hole in the garden. I squeezed your mustached face when you came to me and felt I wanted to hold you more but you saw Anka and went crazy to play and jump over and under her sometimes she even wanted to tame you by gripping on your neck sometimes. But you were too playful and energetic that you would just wiggle under her big Beagle body and Anka would wag her tail anyway everytime you did that.
When you let go of me to see Anka it’s the same feeling now I still want to hold you..but you were always too quick..you never stay put little Alba. But your eyes always looked upon me you run towards Anka and then me constantly to seek assurance that I was still there crazy pup!
Going back to the first days we placed hot water on your dog food so you could eat them and your mustache would get dripping milk all over them. And your eyes I always felt they were there even when they were covered by your long hair. The lady who sold you said that when you grow up we could tie your hair up..but you never lived to have it. When you were close to death my helper Maritez told me you loved for your hair to be cut (when you happened to be dehydrated probably a day before your death–we didn’t know then). You loved to be groomed just as the lady on the streets said. The ball is rotten because of you (I still can’t believe how you’ve hollowed it out!) and the brown beagle puppy doll is still here and Anka now howls because the air is now just empty of your puppy spirit. It’s unimaginable for her not to be able to play with you again as you did everyday it’s just not right and normal for her! Existence is confusing without you now!
If only I did keep my promise that I would let you out every afternoons I would’ve known you were sick beforehand you would’ve SURELY been saved..you would’ve..God help me you would have… now I keep wearing the same pajamas I wore when I found you dying about two days ago. I don’t know how to look at the garden or pass by it.
I remember you always every passing day still can’t believe it and still feeling as if I’m being wharped to the day I touched you and to the day I could’ve saved you. I feel this ALL THE TIME. I still believe that I will be with you soon because it is nothing without you. You are still here. I will always be eager to see you in the garder and always eager to have you in my arms. Time is just slow Alba but I can see you running towards me in the garden and I will have you and I am with you you little rascal!
You’re not like a motherly female nor a male more like a playful angel but I liked you as a little female. My little Alba
this is not the end.
Rachelle