Author: Sheri Williams

How will I….

 

It’s been almost three months since that middle of the night episode when you awoke sick and began wobbling and jockeying back and forth unable to balance. I knew immediately that I had waited too long to let my precious sweet angel go💔 I was keeping you as long as I could, contemplating if letting you age… was the right thing to do? 

(for the reader)

My 1st schnauzer love,💕Sportster Dozy, is running, barking and playing happily with my 💘Shadow Sweetie Pie (schnauzer love #2) and all the other beloved pet angels at the Rainbow Bridge🌈 I pray and want to believe this to be true🙏🏻 Just seeing his happy little face makes my heart overflow yet ache for the enormous loss.

 

I miss you so very much! I have found it difficult to even focus enough on losing you to write this memorial. Our relationship began when you were 6 weeks old, absolutely the most darling little guy💞 so scared, shivering for hours, only wanting to be held. Our eyes were fixated on each other as we soaked in our new future, together, you and me❣️ Throughout your life, you were the most handsome, distinguished, beautiful boy😊Looking at you, I would marvel at your perfection!

 

In the beginning it was just us. We would walk, morning and evening, before I went to school and after. I adored your proud, bouncy strut with your head held high and chest pumped out😉 We would stop continuously until I would finally attempt the Alpha persona and pull you along saying, “Come on, Sportster, let’s go home”. You would investigate everything: you would sniff and sniff and sniff any new dog smell until you deciphered whatever went on in your head from, what seemed to be, your bionic nose😊

 

When you would see little statues in yards, you would bark and bark…and speaking of your bark📣It was the highest pitch I think I’ve ever heard, a kind of yap. I eventually found it funny, that noise would come out of such a confident, strong boy❣️ If we came across other walkers, you would bark and bark, especially if there was a dog, and I would have to pull your leash tight and walk quickly past. I never claimed to have trained you, but OH! How I loved you then, now and will forever💔

 

I remember when we discovered little Busy Bones! You loooooved them and it was the first time I could sit you on the couch, which you couldn’t jump down from yet, and I needn’t worry about you for almost an hour at first! All your life you enjoyed those busy bones! You would look around, eyes wide, happily, open-chewing one bite at a time while holding the rest of it between your parallel, pointed paws!

 

My original plan was to take you everywhere with me all the time😉You made me so happy just being with you, talking to you, petting you,…….. just looking at you made me so very happy🥰I remember taking you to the Polar Bear Challenge as a wee bitty pup. It was so exciting for you, you couldn’t control yourself! I realized then that maybe I couldn’t take you everywhere!?😉

 

I now know that I could have invested in training to help both of us. You were really only a nervous little guy when other people were around, I believe that is why you did not let people pet you and would growl and nip🤔You earned a bit of a bad reputation with the fam and folks at the vet office for this reason. I would try to talk to you about being nice to people but you could never get over your “stranger” anxiety!?

 

After 2009 we adopted Shadow and he became ours, yours’ and mine💗and accompanied us for everything. We traveled to: Grandma’s in Kansas every Thanksgiving, Christmas and 4th of July and to Brother Bob’s in Iowa for Spring break🤗 How you loved Bob❣️ I remember when the fire alarm went off at his house and you jumped up into his lap cuz you were so scared. You would sit/lay next to him on the couch, it was obvious you felt safe with my brother. You were only that comfortable with a few family members. 

 

I adored your one-person-love for me but felt you missed out on a lot of love from others. Everyone always wanted to pet you. People would look at you and say, “Aww ” then, they would not even hear me when I would warn them that you didn’t like to be touched and they would go ahead and reach to pet you. You would give them the side eye warning, which only I recognized, quietly growl while slightly showing your teeth and then nip the air with a ‘grrotcha’ sound and people would jump😇 That was  always the same.

 

You were so jealous when I would have a love interest. As soon as we would start cuddling or kissing, you would bark and bark like crazy until we would stop to look at you, discuss and laugh!  Both you and Shadow were the same in this regard, except Shadow might even jump on the couch to physically try to play with my guest. You both were quite the pair💖I can’t even explain how much I miss you😢both.

 

It has been so hard for me to say goodbye to my Sportster Dozy😞my heart shreds typing these words😭I’ve been able to contain my emotional loss of you, partly I believe, because I’ve kept your ashes, so I still have you…makes me sorry I didn’t keep all my pet babies but I never planned to. I honestly couldn’t think of doing anything else for you, my 1st schnauzer lover baby boy. I purchased a decorative sign, sitting right now, on top of your cherished box of beloved ashes, that says ‘LOVE is greater than loss’. So, I’m holding onto this thought as I keep you in my heart and the love we shared, close in my memory.

 I love you forever my Sportster Boy❣️

Rest your sweet spirit and know how happy you made me.🙏🏻

Your Momma loves you💓🌻