Baby,
It’s been only 2 days since i had to let you go, and my heart is broken in two. When you went you took a piece of my heart with you. I have cried so much i can’t figure out where it is all coming from. I can’t stop. You gave me signs it was time for you to go. And although I didn’t know Friday night I was going to do it Saturday, I talked to you and petted you and kissed you, and you listened and relaxed and kissed me back and wouldn’t let me stop petting you. When I asked you Saturday if you wanted to go to doggie heaven you kissed my lips. I knew it was time so for all the love you gave to me for the past 14 years I had to prove I loved you back and do what God knows I didn’t want to let you go.
It is so hard going to bed because you’re not there with me. Your blanket you slept on the last couple nights along with your leash and collar and a poem that I know you read to me the night before are on your side of the bed. It is so scary waking up and not having my best friend with me anymore. I could always count on you if I was scared, or sick, or just needed an ear.
You were with me through some of the hardest toughest times of my life as well as all the wonderful times too. Bubba won’t eat. Angel is always wanting in my lap. Either one of them will get on my bed. Angel did today and went over to your blanket and collar and sniffed it and got off the bed. They miss you too I know it.
I don’t want to wash my sheets just yet.
I want you with me. I get to pick you back up in 2 weeks to be with until I die. Then you will be with me and I will be able to take your collar and blanket off my bed. Help me Baby from heaven to be strong, you were my special dog, my best friend. Every time I asked you “Do you love your mom.” you would give me a kiss. Every time I asked you if you were my best friend you would give me a kiss. If I asked you if you were stupid you’d just hold your head away from mine.
You knew you were my best friend, you knew I loved you and still do. As they gave you that shot to give you piece you looked up from my lap into my eyes and took your last breath. You died looking into my eyes. I tried to close them, but they wouldn’t close.
Thank you Baby from my very soul for giving me unconditional love, for always no matter what being there for me, for always being so happy to see me, and for never wanting me to leave you when I had to go to work. Today it was strange because you always barked when I left the house. There is no barking now. Angel or Bubba do not do that. That was you telling me you were going to be lonely without me and don’t go.
Thank you baby for being so calm and loving on the way. You told me you were ready by not standing in the car as you always used to do instead laying your head on my lap and not letting it up until I had to shake you to get you up. You deserved me being with you until the end. You deserved going out with style and knowing that I was right there with you and you were not alone. I have a tomb stone with your picture on it and forever will visit you.
Below is the poem that I keep next to your collar on my bed and will frame when I get you back. I know if you could have spoken to me this is what you would have said. You will never ever be forgotten. And You forever will be a part of my life and the love I had for you will never die.
I love you Baby…..
May I go Now
Do you think the time is right? May I say goodbye to painful days? And endless lonely nights…
I’ve lived my life and did my best…An example I tried to be…So, I can take the step beyond and set my spirit free… I didn’t want to go at first, I fought with all my might… But, something seems to draw me now, to a warm and loving light… I want to go, I really do, it’s
difficult to stay…But, I will try as bes I can,
to live one more day, to give you time to care for me…And share your loves and fears… I know your sad and afraid… I see it in your tears.. I’ll not be far I promise that..And hope you’ll always know, that my spirit will be close to you where ever you may go…Thank you so for loving me. You know that I love you too.. That’s why it’s hard to say goodbye… And end this life with you… so hold me now just one more time… And let me hear you say…Because you care so much for me… You’ll let me go today….
Baby Alban Aug 10, 1990 to May 29, 2004