How do we cope with death? There are so many different things that people do. For me, I try and take control. I need to help everyone through it, while my own heart breaks. But it’s easier that way, cause else I will have to deal with it and face the loss head on and that helplessness is something I can barely cope with, I can’t breathe when I think about it and would certainly not survive it.
I start with the end of my story as it is the pain and anguish that I am currently surviving, but as I write I hope to express the joy and love that has led to my sadness. 6 months ago we were send an angel, though at the time we didn’t realize how much she saved us
from ourselves or taught us.
She had a Jewish nose, floppy ears, slanty eyes and a slight pot belly, the tallest basset I have ever seen, and the skinniest dog I have ever owned. She was taken suddenly from us on 3 February 2008, a traumatic shock that I am not sure I can ever recover from. However the one this that has given me comfort is that I have realized that it was time o her to leave. She came into our lives when although we were happy thee was something missing. Di was feeling fat and had stopped loving herself and most things around her. But Bailey was there for her and changed her life taught her to love again, to love unconditionally and be loved in return they gave each other such joy. She was a dog like none I have ever experienced, I mean where to you get a basset with such energy and a kindness that is unsurpassed, one that actually listens and is trainable. Well the answer hit us like a ton of bricks today.
She was with us for a short time because her time was up, our lesson had been learned, DI had learned to love and be loved, and she had started to love herself. If something as beautiful as Bailey loved her, how could she not love herself?
On Saturday night Di held Bailey on her chest and felt a heart breaking, with such intensity that her heart broke in return. We misinterpreted this heart break thinking it was our friend Adele’s pain. Only in retrospect did we realize that it was bailey’s heart that was breaking because she knew it was time to leave us, she also knew how much it would hurt us to lose her. Being the selfless angel that she was, she chose her last moments to share a lesson with Adele in who’s pool she drowned. Her last moments were that of joy and happiness and playing, no fear.
We were on a golf course and uncontactable and I think that’s the way she wanted it. She knew her time with us was over and didn’t want us to be there. Only when the heavens started to mourn her and rain chase us off the golf course did we find out the horrible truth. We were having such a good day and were so happy, so completely unaware that she was already gone. But maybe she wasn’t she was looking over us and then decided that the time for us to know and deal with things had arrived, and so it rained, in fact it poured. Today when we came home and sobbed at the fact that she was not there to welcome us, the heavens opened and mourned with us.
There was not a bad or evil bone in her body and touched everyone’s life that she came in contact with. She was the most amazing and giving angel and I will always love her.
In August my mother and I decided that it was time to get her a new dog. Ever when I saw the photos of the puppies I realized that I had to get one. Well let’s just say that Di was so not amused by this thought. We had lengthy discussions and almost broke up over it and delayed getting a puppy. Eventually however we went to go fetch our little bundly, the first thing that was ours. I was driving and Di and my mom were holding their new babies. That’s when I realized that there was a bond between those 2 that would never be broken. I was allowed into their bond, I was like the dad, I would play when I got home from work, and Bailey would sleep beside me so that I could protect her.
Di and Bailey were best friends, I did all the practical things like food, and vets. But Di and Bailey would play and love and go to puppy school and above most else they would just ‘be’. It was the most amazing this to see, so many people don’t understand it, however for people like us, Bailey was our child. We are mourning the loss of our child, luckily there is no blame, just love. We will get through the pain together and this will bring us closer together. We will have to have another child the pain and emptiness is just too much to bear. We have too much love to give and we need to give it to another life. We know that Bailey was special an angel sent to us on loan to give us hope and healing. We will get a puppy who will be our child that we will love differently but we will still love her as we need to have the pitter patter of little feet in the house.
I will never forget her happy bark, the way she sat on the couch and looked at us whatever we were doing, the way she would sniff instead of bark when she was nervous, cause she was never angry. She was too good for that, she only barked when she was playing because she was such a happy dog. The way she sat on a chair at the table as though it had been set especially for her.
I love you, Bailey; I will never forget you or the joy you brought. I hope you are currently out giving some other lost soul as much joy and happiness as you gave us.
I will always love you,
| Bailey |
| Deborah and Diane |