This that I write is the most hardest thing that I’ve had to do. omorrow,”August 19, 2005″ ill be the 1 year anniversary of your death. his past week, for me has been “HELL” in rememebering “YOU”.. As I write this it’s to the music of “Josh Groban”. The song is “You’re still you”.
I look out into the yard at the statue of the “Virgin Mary”. She watched over your garden. MY sweet Boy, words that everyone say, “Time heals all, or it takes time is sometimes what people say as they don’t know what else to say. Time moves on and days move into months and years. Till we’re faced with the “First anniversary of your death.

I was ok for the first part of this week in just dealing with the memory, but it’s not thru and I see you; I hear your beathing and I can see your eyes of all the hurt that you were going through before I had to make that one decision that all pet owners pray that Jesus will do for them, to help you go home. Home to Jesus and his mama.

I know that you’re looking down on me and you would say these words to me. Don’t be sad for I am so very happy now. I don’t remember the pain that I was in. Let me go. Let go of the guilt that you hold so deep in your heart. I don’t blame you!! You did all you could for me for I love you. “I am happy now for you set me free.”

My sweet boy, I have never hurt as much as I do today. and I am so very scared of tomorrow coming as I’ll be alone. I look over in the space that once was your cage, it’s so very empty now without you. My life is so very empty now. I look at your brother, “Toby” and I hug him and I tell him that “I love Him”. I have learned the hard way that time can pass and in a blink of a eye we can be gone and for the ones that are left behind didn’t get a chance to say “Ilove you, or good bye”. To not take life for granted that it changes eachday.

I know that you’re happy that you are in that big puppy play heaven playing and romping and sitting on your head showing off of how big of a boy you are. I know that your old body is no longer old, but new again. A body that doesn’t have cancer, that it’s just as free as you are…

I remember the night that I rushed you to the animal “ER” as I was having to make that choice, to let you go that I was on the phone with someone so very special to me. That each time we would be on the phone, you would make your funny puppy talk as if to tell her “Hello from you”. She too loved you from a far. As I helped you go home to Jesus, I said these words to you and I want to say them again as my heart needs to hear my own words.

“Now I lay you down to sleep, I pray to Jesus your soul to keep. Keep you safe, keep bad dreams away. Lead you to your new day.” I know that when it’s my time to come home to GOD, you will be there with ones that have gone before you, to wait for me that GOD will tell you when it’s time for me to come home, and you’ll be there waiting for me.

As I close my eye, can see that day. It will be as if it was in slow motion. We would run to each other. I would get down on my knees and you would run inot my arms, kissing me telling me that you are back into my arms; that I will be your mama now; that NOTHING will ever separate us again.

As the tears run down my face now, I don’t want this to end, that somehow you can see me; that you will reach out your paw to me to let me know that your right by my side always; that your never more than a bark away from me. I love you Bandit. Don’t ever stop smelling the flowers that GOD puts down in front of you. I love you. We will be together someday at the rainbow bridge.

Tell Duke, Rusty that I love them and that I’m taking care of myself and you my sweet boy, I’m taking care of your brother, Toby. love you and as the song Josh says, “You’re still you. You are still you; you are my sweet boy and I love. I have memorized your face, your eyes your heart. Through the darkness I can see your light of your heart. I long to hold you in my arms and not just my heart to know that it wasn’t my fault that I did all that I could to help you go home.

I love you and will always be your mama. You’re still you my sweet Bandit. Go and be happy, Go and be free. FOR NOW YOU ARE FREE…


19, Aug 2004