MY BABY GIRL YOU DIED IN MY ARMS AT HOME THURSDAY EVENING AT 21.15. I KNOW YOU HAD BONE CANCER. A TUMOUR ON YOUR FRONT RIGHT LEG, BUT WITH YOUR MORPHINE PATCHES AND STEROIDS YOU NEVER LET IT BOTHER YOU MUCH YOU WERE STILL PLAYFUL RIGHT UP TO LAST WEEK WHEN YOUR BACK LEGS GAVE UP A BIT, EVEN THEN YOU WERE STILL CONTENT AND WAS STILL EATING A WHOLE CHICKEN A DAY AS WELL AS YOUR TREATS- YOUR FAVORITE BEING ROAST BEEF. WE’D STAYED IN DOORS FOR A FEW DAYS TO TRY AND REST YOUR LEGS.
MONDAY THE VET SAID TO INCREASE YOUR STEROIDS I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE SIDE EFFECTS AS THAT IS HOW YOUR SISTER TOOTSIE DIED AT HOME WITH US. THE VET SAID YOU HAD A HEART OF A LION. PEOPLE USED TO SAY YOU WALKED LIKE A LION, TOO. YOU SEEMED FINE I MASSAGED YOUR LEGS AND SLEPT ON THE FLOOR WITH YOU. YOU WEREN’T LEFT NOT EVEN FOR A MINUTE. I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY BUT YOU KNEW THAT ANYWAY WE WERE INSEPARABLE FOR THE 8+ YEARS I HAD YOU. I NEVER TOOK A HOLIDAY IN ALL THAT TIME CAUSE I COULDN’T BEAR TO LEAVE
YOU AND YOUR SISTER TOOTSIE.
WHEN TOOTSIE DIED 15/11/00 I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE FROM HER LOSS – YOU WERE THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME GOING YOU MISSED HER SO MUCH AND PINNED FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS YOU LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT THE VET HAD TO GIVE YOU INJECTIONS TO BUILD YOUR STRENGTH UP. WE GOT THROUGH IT
ME AND YOU TOGETHER.
YOU CAME TO WORK EVERYDAY. THE BUSINESS WAS NAMED AFTER YOU BOTH SO EVERYONE WOULD CALL IN TO SEE YOU YOU WERE SO SPOILT WITH TREATS AND CUDDLES ALL DAY EVERY DAY. EVERYONE LOVED YOU BUT MOST OF ALL ME. MY LIFE TOTALLY REVOLVED AROUND YOU AND YOURS AROUND ME. YOUR EYES NEVER LEFT ME.
WE LOVED EACH OTHER SO MUCH.
THEN ON THURDAY 31 OCTOBER AGAIN WE’D STAYED IN I’D JUST WASHED YOUR BAD LEG AGAIN AND YOU’D HAD SOME STEAK I WAS SAT WITH YOU ON THE FLOOR YOUR HEAD ON MY LEG STROKING YOUR BIG BEAUTIFUL HEAD AND CHATTING AWAY AS I ALWAYS DID TO YOU TELLING YOU YOU’D BE BIG AND STRONG AGAIN SOON. YOU STARTED TO LOOK AT ME STRANGLY YOUR EYES WIDE. I LOOKED DEEP IN YOUR EYES WITH MY NOSE AGAINST YOUR BIG CLOD WET NOSE TELLING YOU
HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU.
I NOTICED THE UNDERNEATH OF YOUR TONGUE WAS A BLUE SHADE THEN YOU STARTED BREATHING DIFFERENTLY, PANTING YOU LOOKED SO SCARED ALL OF A SUDDEN. I PUT A LITTLE WATER IN YOUR MOUTH AND HELD YOU SO TIGHT ROCKING YOU NEVER TAKING MY EYES AWAY FROM YOURS. MY PHONE IN MY POCKET I RANG YOUR DADDY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I SAID, MORE A WAIL THAN WORDS WITHIN MINUTES
I HEARD HIM COME IN THE DOOR.
I TOLD YOU IT WAS OK YOUR DADDY WAS HERE NOW AND HE LOVED YOU SO MUCH TOO, WITHIN THE SECONDS IT TOOK HIM TO ENTER THE ROOM YOUR EYES BEGAN TO FLICK SO QUICKLY FROM SIDE TO SIDE. I SAID I LOVE YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN YOU THEN STOPPED BREATHING. YOU LET OUT 3 DEEP GROANS A NOISE I’D NEVER HEARD BEFORE- THAT SOUND AND YOUR SCARED EYES HAUNT ME NOW AS SOON AS I CLOSE MY EYES. YOUR DADDY HELD YOU AND CRIED YOU WERE GONE – I DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE IT FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS I LAID WITH YOU I KEPT THINKING I COULD SEE YOU BREATHING BUT DEEP DOWN I KNEW
YOUR GIANT HEART HAD STOPPED BEATING.
WE SNUGGLED UP UNDER YOUR TIGER BLANKET. I WANTED TO KEEP YOU WARM; I COULDN’T STOP CRYING, SOBBING, CUDDLING YOU AND SMOOTHING YOUR BEAUTIFUL FUR. YOUR DADDY THEN LAID WITH YOU ALL NIGHT HOLDING YOUR PAW- YOUR BAD LEG WHICH HAD BEEN SO SWOLLEN WITH THE TUMOUR JUST WENT DOWN TO NORMAL SIZE. I PRAYED THAT WAS THE TIME YOU HAD REACHED THE BRIDGE AND YOU HAD TOOTSIE THERE
TO GREET YOU WITH HER KISSES.
THE NEXT MORNING I PRAYED IT HAD ALL BEEN A HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE BUT AS I NERVOUSLY WALKED INTO THE LOUNGE THERE YOU WERE WRAPPED IN YOUR BLANKET YOU LOOKED SO PEACEFUL JUST AS IF YOU WERE ASLEEP BUT THERE WAS NO SOUND NO SNORING JUST SILENCE. I LAID WITH YOU UNTIL YOUR DADDY TOOK YOU TO THE PET CEMETREY. A FRIEND CAME TO HELP CARRY YOUR BIG BEAUTIFUL BODY
ALL 11 STONE OF YOU.
THEY TOOK YOU IN YOUR BLANKET I COULDN’T WATCH YOU GO I LAY ON MY BED WITH YOUR PHOTO MY HEART BREAKING. THE FOLLOWING HOURS AND DAYS ARE A BLUR I JUST HUGGED YOUR THINGS AND SOBBED THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER CLEARLY WAS SAYURDAY 14.00 WHEN WE HAD TO LAY YOU TO REST. WE HAD RESERVED YOU A PLOT NEXT TO TOOTSIE SO YOU’D ALWAYS BE TOGETHER. I CUT SOME PINK NERINES FROM THE GARDEN THAT I’D BEEN GROWING TO PUT ON TOOTSIE GRAVE & WITH PICTURES OF US ALL TOGETHER AND YOUR HALF CHEWED TREATS AND TOY YOUR DADDY CLIMBED IN YOUR GRAVE WITH YOU TO PLACE THEM ALL UNDER YOUR CHIN SO
YOU COULD SEE THEM.
DADDY READ YOU A PRAYER AND WE SAID OUR GOODBYES. I DON’T KNOW HOW I MANAGED TO STAND THERE MY LEGS WERE LIKE JELLY I JUST WANTED TO BE WITH YOU. MY FAMILY AND PEOPLE WHO KNEW LIT CANDLES FOR YOU AT 14.00 HRS TO LIGHT YOU WAY TO RAINBOW BRIDGE. I BELIVE IN THE STORY OF RAINBOW BRIDGE AND KNOW WE’LL BE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN FOR ETERNITY BUT AT THIS TIME IT DOESN’T TAKE THE PHYSICAL PAIN AWAY I’M FEELING NOW YOUR GONE. I’VE MANAGED TO COME INTO WORK TODAY PROMISING MYSELF TODAY I WOULDN’T CRY BUT ALREADY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN ASKING HOW YOU ARE. THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY TEARS YOU WERE AND
ARE SO LOVED MY BABY.
SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING IN TIME I’LL BE ABLE TO REMEMBER ALL THE YEARS OF FUN AND LAUGHTER WE SHARED; SOME ARE SAYING I SHOULD GET ANOTHER DOG TO HELP WITH MY GRIEF BUT THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE MY BABIES AND I’LL NEVER EVER HAVE ANYMORE. I’LL LOVE AND MISS YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.