Benji by Donna / Heartbroken

Last November I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put my sweet Daisy to sleep forever and last week, I had to send Benji along to be with her.

Both were rescue doggies that I adopted within weeks of one another about 8 years ago.

Daisy’s family situation had changed and they no longer wanted her and a Rescue Shelter called me as they knew I was interested in a smal dog. So, therein entered my sweet, beloved little girl.

A few weeks later, the same shelter called as they had rescued a little dog (both Llasa Apsos)who was an hour from being killed in a shelter.

Daisy immediately ensured that Benji knew who was boss and we lived all these years so happy and with so much fun. I moved to a caribbean island for a few year and they loved playing in the sand and the ocean and went absolutely everywhere with me in my travels.

We returned about a year and a half ago and shortly after, Daisy developed chronic renal failure. For months I tried everything to make her feel better and keep her around, however even the daily saline injections were no longer helping and she was losing weight, was going blind and lost her balance when trying to walk.

Finally, in November, the vet said ‘it was time’ as there was nothing else that could be done for her. I cried and cried as if my heart would break and thought I would never get over it.

However, I still had my Benji boy to take care of, even though he was not well and missed her alot. He kept going to the door and even barking at it at times and then looking at me as if she were there.

He already had arthritis and had difficulty walking, but his health started to deteriorate a lot the past few months, until he could not longer make the stairs and had to be carried down 3 steps to pee and poo.

His hearing went, but he learned to come to me with hand signs. His appetite was failing and even chicken failed to appeal to him. He kept getting eye infections that would not heal and finally, he just wouldn’t move from his little bed and seemed to want to be left alone, mostly.

I brought him to the vet when he started to fall over when he tried to walk and the last day, he couldn’t stand long enough to do his business.

Again, those words from the vet and I had to say goodbye to my beautiful little boy.

I feel absolutely overwhelmed and as if my heart is going to break. I am so lonely and the house feel so empty. I miss them so much and wonder if I will ever stop crying – no, sobbing!!

The pain in my heart feels like an open wound and as if it will never heal. This terrible feeling inside is called grief but has no name that makes sense when it seems to consume me.

I loved them so much and know they loved me, but it is not enough when all I want and need is to have them by my side one more time to cuddle, to talk to, to play with and to take the loneliness away.


I hope there is a heaven they will go to.