My Boy Friend
Note: This is not a pet….this is my bf & need somewhere to put this……i need to let go…
he died in a car accident & i made this peom 4 him
Deep cleansing aqua, the color of the sea;
The bright shiny gloss sits upon my nails.
I wish for the calm,
the soothing feeling,
to fall upon me – to grace my soul.
I sit and I wait;
wishing for what I know will not come.
For what is not possible
I hurt inside…
I hurt for me and I hurt for him-
though he knows not yet.
My heart is torn in two different ways.
My mind can’t find any logic for an answer
One way I care; I care for him and
I do not want to lose him that I may love.
The other, I can’t stand him.
He’s immature, a little boy who I can’t talk to;
who I don’t want.
But I loved him for who he was;
for making me laugh…for loving me too.
I remember, missing him.
A day apart – unbearable.
But every minute together was like heaven.
But now, that’s gone.
We do not talk
and I fear I am the one who’s lost.
I want to cry.
I want him to know how much
I have loved him.
I want him to know
how much he did, and still does
mean to me.
I care for him
as I’ve cared for no one – yet still I have fallen out of love.
I tell myself
I can’t cling to what isn’t there.
What maybe never was…
But the love I felt was so real and true.
I can’t help but wonder where it went.
you always remember your first love.
I’ll never forget.
I can’t let go.
My mind orders me to just let go
and move on.
But my heart won’t move
and is tangled in a web of feelings
towards this boy.
A battle of logic vs. emotion
perhaps, that is complex beyond me.
A battle fought
with tears, fears…
but a battle without victory.
If mind wins,
my heart must break.
If my heart rules,
I shall never be free.
It hurts so much-unresolved stinging.
I wish for the soothing of the sea.