I am writing this tribute to the memory of my dog Daisy. Daisy died almost a year ago on July 1st 2005. The say that time heals all. I disagree because I don’t feel any better, though a year has passed since I tried to move her while she lay in my arms and got not response.
I feel like a different person who always is experiencing an aching pain of loss and grief. I’ve reflected a lot on every detail of Daisy’s beautiful death and life and how much a small little lap dog taught me.
Daisy came into my life when I was four. She was the first of many pets but always my favorite. She got me through the stumbles and hardships of my childhood and was always there for me when I needed her.
I spent so much time with her and I fortunately do not have any serious regrets although I guess when someone you love dies you always wish you had done more. I miss the little things like when she would wait for me to come home from school, our daily walks, cuddles, summers at the cottage and even her bark.
Sometimes I can feel her so close to me. I just know it is her coming to check up on me. I am not ashamed to admit that I can still cry terribly. For the first few months I cried freely. Now though if I start to cry or find it hard to sleep I can feel my old friend come to sleep on my feet and it gets me through the night. My tears will slowly stop and I will begin to breath normally again and relax. I think it is her saying I know you miss me and I miss you to but you have to continue on your journey through this life. It just goes to show that Daisy will always be there for me though I cannot see her, I can feel her.
I now have a new dog and I love her. Not near as much as Daisy though. I admit that I was afraid at first that it was an insult to get a new dog so soon after losing her. I now know that it’s a honor to her memory. No matter how many dogs I have through the course of my life I will always reflect on my first and favorite Daisy.
The last few years were hard for Daisy. She had heart condition that had become a severe one and her aging body could not give her the active life she had always enjoyed. When 2005 came around she was getting worse. She was beginning to suffer. That is when I began to pray to God to take her and tell her regularly that it was okay to go that I would be okay. I just prayed that God would give her a natural death because having to do that myself would have destroyed me.
On a long drive to our cottage Daisy lay in my arms and was suffering. When we stopped at a rest place and everyone went inside she looked up at me with eyes that told me all I needed to know. I told her it was okay to go, that I loved her and always would. To give Mickey our cat a kiss for me when she got to Heaven and to always watch over me. I know she has done all that and more. Continuing to drive Daisy began to drool and when we got to the drive way of Daisy’s favorite place our cottage she lifted her little head to get one last look and died. So peacefully that I didn’t even notice until I tried to move her.
Every single detail of that day has stayed with me and I can still cry about it. However I thank God for that day because putting Daisy to sleep would have broken my heart worse than it already is. God spoke to me and gave me the strength to let go of my friend and
place her in his arms.
So a year has passed since that day and it hurts but I know I will be okay. The first thing I want to do when I get to Heaven is run and embrace my little angel. She gave me so much and it was clear that God put her in my life for a reason. That sarcastic little dog with so much personality that made everybody smile. Why did she have to get sick I sometimes wonder because she hadn’t I would have had a few more years with her. Daisy has given me more love for our lord and I think she was an example of the love God has for every one of us. I’ll see her in Heaven so it is just goodbye for now, but see you soon.
amyelizabethbye@sympatico.ca
I love you Daisy!
| Amy Elizabeth Bye |