I have written many tributes to my beautiful dog Daisy. But lately I have not written any. Daisy died in my arms 4 years ago. I was only 14 years old. Daisy taught me so much about everything. She taught me to love, she taught me to forgive, she taught me about friendship and lastly she taught me about death. In the other tributes I posted on this site for my dog Daisy, I struggled to say what I was feeling. The overwhelming pain than was in me just could find no relief despite all of my efforts to get on with my life. Their was no sanctuary for me, I carried my grief with me always like a heavy sack upon my back…weakening me and slowly dragging me down until I was to weary and unmotivated to get up.
How am I now?
I have gone through all of the stages that death forces you to endure. First I denied it. I knew Daisy had died but everytime I heard a dogs bark I believed it to be her and when I realized it wasn’t I became hysterical once again. Then I began to bargain with God. Please give me a sign that Daisy is happy and okay, I would plead. I would beg God to promise me that Daisy would be waiting for me the moment I passed away. Sometimes I would feel signs of Daisy’s presence. I could swear that she was touching me, walking across the floor and licking my face. It may have been my imagination, I now logically think, but maybe it wasn’t.
Either way it gave me the strength to awake every morning. Then I felt anger. It was so wrong that my beautiful baby had died. Then I felt guilt that their may have been something that I could have done to save her. Lastly I felt sincere and complete sadness that caused me to cry everynight for the best friend I had ever had and now had lost. After the one year anniversary of Daisy’s death I swore that my grieving time had ended and that I would now move on with life. That did not happen then and it still has not happened in these 4 years.
I miss Daisy every moment of my life.
At 18 years old I am so different than the young girl who had loved her little mutt dog more than anything. I have a whole new life but that has not meant that I have forgotten Daisy. I remember her so fondly when I think back on childhood. She gave me a lifetime of memories that I still cherish. Gone are the unlimited rows of pictures and monuments of her in my bedroom. I now have only a photo of me and her framed on my bedside table. And that is enough. I no longer feel the need to cry everyday or write a poem everyday for her in order to prove that I will not forget her. 4 years have come and went and I still remember her the same as before. But now it is different…because I am at peace. I am in a good spot now where I have learned to live with my terrible grief without forgetting the true beauty that a bond like Daisy’s and mine was.
When an event occurs that makes me think of her, I smile. And when an event occurs that makes me want to cry, I cry. But the tears are less frequent because I feel peace within my heart that someday I will once again hold my beautiful Daisy in my arms and feel her loving kisses upon my face. Daisy’s mission on earth was fulfilled. She taught me everything she needed to before departing. I still have work to do in order to fulfill my mission. I understand this and I live each day with joy and understanding that death is not the end, It is merely moving on to your next mission. Daisy had to leave many years before me but someday I will catch up to her. And I can not wait to see me beautiful Daisy once again.
With Love,
| Amy Elizabeth Bye |