I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car sleeping as we drove to our cottage and new home. When we got there I tried to move the arm my dog Daisy was lying on and got no response. After a few short seconds of denial I turned and informed the rest of the family that Daisy had died. We were all completely devastated as Daisy had been with us for 10 years. I had gotten Daisy when I was 4 years old and so I barely remembered life without her. Living without my dog was harder than I ever imagined. I held her in my arms and cried to the night sky. I usually hated to express any tears or emotions in front of others. I kept them inside and stayed calm on the outside while screaming on the inside. Their was no way I could ever have controlled my tears and cries that night and I made no effort to do so.
The next day was Daisy’s funeral. The family was joined by neighbors and others because so many people loved her. I lead everyone in the rosary and then we buried Daisy alongside her brother our kitten Mickey. I managed to control myself in front of all those people but left quickly to relieve myself of the tears and pain I felt. I collapsed on the forest floor and cried.
The days continued. I wrote poetry for her and stories, I curled up on the couch often to have cries. Since our cottage was under construction though I had no privacy and tried my best to stay in control of my feelings. Some times though I just couldn’t and that summer was a difficult one. Summer was mine and Daisy’s favorite season to spend together and this one was so hard. I missed having a dog so I got 2 new ones. Summer and Ruby. I knew it was a mistake to get one so soon and found it so difficult to give them love when really I just wanted Daisy back. Summer ran away but slowly I am beginning
to love and enjoy Ruby.
When school began I focused on schoolwork and continued to miss Daisy. Holidays were hard because everyone one of them had a memory of Daisy. Halloween I dressed Daisy up and we gave candy to the trick or treaters. Christmas was especially hard without her. We came across her stocking which will had a bone in there. Something she much have missed the previous christmas and now would never get.
People say that you grieve in these steps denial, guilt, anger, acceptance, recovery. I expressed my loss differently. I only experienced denial for a few seconds after she died and then accepted it immediately. I never felt guilt or anger just sadness. My room is covered in memorials for Daisy like pictures and her sweaters and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and how much better this day would have been had she been part of it.
Keeping busy helps me cope. I volunteer in my church and at the nursing home, I exercise, work hard in school and have managed to enjoy life again.
At the beginning if I cried I could count on my mother or somebody to be there and mourn with me. 9 months have passed since Daisy’s death and everyone has moved on. I haven’t though and am now grieving alone. At the beginning I could cry freely and people would hug me and give me comfort. Now though I feel those closest to me losing patience and never cry where others can see my but in the privacy of my bedroom when no one else is around.
I have a strong faith and I know that God is with me as I recover from my terrible fall. He will never lose patience with me and I cast my cares on him knowing he will give me the strength I need.
Daisy will always have a special place in my heart and I know she is blessed with happiness and health in Gods kingdom of light and joy. I know I will see her again someday.
God Bless Her And May She Rest in Peace,
| Amy Elizabeth Bye |