My boy came into my life late in his life. We met after I saw his picture in a local magazine-the shelter’s final effort to find him a home after surviving a neglectful, abusive life for eight years in a household that shoved him into a backyard and forgot he was the once adored pet of the homeowner’s deceased father.
Patrick wasn’t a “dog fancier’s” choice since he was found in a morbid condition; one eye so severely damaged it had to be removed. A matted ball of fleas and fur that everyone who normally rescued hardship cases felt Patrick had no future. Thankfully, one shelter in my area refused to give up on him and took him – nine years old, unneuter, blind and deaf with very bad arthritis, terrible ear infections-a beat up blonde cocker spaniel surviving in a world without the benefit of sound nor sight.
For two years, Patrick, remained at the shelter with some twenty-five other dogs, none of them likely to find homes quickly. Unfortunately for Patrick, he spent two years without so much as an inquiry other than “the Poor thing,why do you all keep him alive?” The no-kill shelter owner was and is a dedicated professional who felt Patrick’s life was worth the risk and expense. However, with the years passing she was losing hope and had made a decision that at the end of 2001 if he had found no home for his own good and safety they would seriously consider putting him to rest. His photo and brief story had accidentally caught my eye as I was just browsing to pass time and
was mesmerized by his gaze.
Before I met him and the shelter owner, I didn’t know how close he was to death. I simply fell in love with his gentle pose and was determined to meet him. Patrick is the first dog I have ever owned and I must tell you I was scared that I would not be a good owner. His disabilities did not frighten me so much as the plain fact I felt it was his choice to adopt me.
With a lump in my throat I arrived at the shelter, nervous that he would reject me. Slowly, Patrick descended a stair case feeling his way down the steps and within moments scented me and came right over where he took refuge between my legs resting his head on my foot. I thought he was the most beautiful dog I have ever seen and I felt what an honor to become this gentle creature’s seeing-eye and hearing companion.
Instantaneously, the shelter owner began to cry and said to me “I can’t believe this-Patrick has always been so aloof and has never made contact with anyone. He is so quiet we hardly know when he is in the room and have to coax him to his bowl. You are the first person he has ever just gone up to and you just stood there not making a motion or a sound. It’s pure kismet.”
During the next hour, Patrick taught me how I needed to walk him as the owner relayed his story. Patrick was once deeply loved by an older gentleman who passed away during Patrick’s first year of life. The man’s adult child had taken him in yet left Patrick to rot tied up for nine years in a country yard until the family simply just up and moved away. Patrick was found five days later by a sheriff who had reports a kid was crying in the yard area. This is where they found him. He was a mess. In desperation as a last resort the deputy had called this shelter after all other shelter’s turned him down.
I remember being so angered in learning about the neglect he suffered yet being so amazed at this dog’s grit and determination to live in spite of being blind and deaf prior to rescue. I remember when being asked why I was interested in Patrick and simply saying two reasons-I can’t imagine an elderly dog living out his life never knowing love beyond the first year of his life. It is an honor to continue to love him as his first owner did. Second, because he is brave and beautiful to me and the only trick I am interested in him achieving is being able to locate his food and water bowl. I am looking forward to the privilege of being his eyes and his ears and his loving friend.
That day Patrick and I left the shelter and began our life together. I will never forget the look upon his face as he sat cuddled in my mom’s lap for our drive to his permanent home. His one eye barely open as he rested his head upon my lap as if to let me know-What took you so long to find me-Thanks.
Patrick had a resolve and courage in him that astounded not only me but all who met him. At first it would break my heart to hear people giggle at him for not looking so perfect and for walking in circles. You see Patrick was so adept at doing his best to over come his disabilities that at first glance people had no idea he was blind and deaf. They just thought he was goofy and not trained because he did not come to them like most able eyed dogs.
Patrick had taught me the valuable lesson of reaching beyond pity and embracing patience. It sometimes took us twenty minutes to walk about forty feet. His disabilities made it difficult to teach him to respond using hand signals since he could not see and voice commands were useless due to his deafness.
Without thinking Patrick and I had our own system of unique communication using scent,touch, and vibration. We walked using a harness and retractable lead and a series of clicks and vibrations. He taught me that with a little kindness from me no one would ever know the difference unless they truly examined our situation.
He loved the freeness of walking on the beach even though it confused him a little. At first he would just go around in circles thrilled at the smell of the birds and salted ocean fragrances. Patrick had a real love and devotion to the elderly he met there and they got to know him well. I guess it was Patrick’s way of remembering the first person who truly loved and cooed over him before he came into my life.
I remember once a child ran to meet him but when the little girl saw only one eye she ran off frightened screaming “monster mommy the doggy looks like a monster.” It never dawned on me that to most kids, Patrick, did not fit the idea of a conventional dog and may appear frightening. It was then that I began realizing that Patrick had a valuable story to share with other children about the challenges of special needs and acceptance. Sadly, Patrick was unable to become a service dog due to his inability to pass the citizen’s test but that did not stop us from meeting some of the kids and elderly folks who had special needs. Patrick had a way for reaching into their hearts and bringing them out of their shells. His quiet style and charm in spite of his one-eyed appearance and bad limp encouraged the often overly shy kid in the wheelchair or with cp to dare to reach out and not feel so different. Many times we would interact with able kids who had never taken the time nor had the chance to meet someone with a unique need. Their interaction with Patrick helped them to overcome their fears about making friends with those in unique circumstances.
They learned through Patrick that just because you look different didn’t mean you were not smart or capable. For me this is Patrick’s legacy.
In November 2005, Patrick had just celebrated his adopted birthday and was 15 when he passed away. He went to sleep in our home and simply never woke up. I am so grateful he died naturally but I am also so deeply bereaved by his passing having only spent four years with him.
People tell me how nice it was that I rescued him but the truth is Patrick rescued me. I never really new what true kindness and bravery were until I met and observed this gentle soul who lived in a total world of silence yet refused to give in or give up. It was hard for him to make friends with other dogs due to the pack mentality and his difficulty to pick up on the overt pack communications. He loved everyone and everything and he did it with such grace and patience. It was his nature-his loving, gentle, devotion and tenacity to simply face the world without sight nor sound and still have a calm and tranquil day that is etched upon my heart and memory.
He would stumble and fall and just shake it off. He rarely ever barked and never expressed aggression toward any living thing or person. Never snippy nor scared. All he really liked was my old army blanket and an occasional romp in the trash can and to get into the car. It didn’t matter if we drove anywhere or not. It amazed me how he would find his way around a room by using the edges of the room and working inward.
It amazed me how he would do his very best to find his way out the door to do his thing and if confused would seek out the plastic on the floor rarely having an accident. It amazed me that in spite of the occasional other dog who would try to intimidate him he would simply blow them off and leave them be as he went on his way exploring the bushes as if still a hunting dog. He may have lived in a silent world but in his own way Patrick spoke volumes to me. He still does.
Patrick truly will always be remembered by me as The loving teddy bear with a heart beat. I have begun working on some children’s stories using the lessons he taught me to share the goodwill and
friendship he gave me.
While it has been difficult to get through the days without his physical presence his immortality is tattooed upon my soul. I cry because I am selfish and am having difficulty letting him go. Deep in my heart I know Patrick is finally back home with the man who all those years ago loved him dearly and has been waiting on the other side for his return. If I have done nothing else in this life I have had the esteemed honor of caring for this man’s beloved pet as if Patrick had been mine
from the day he was born.
What Patrick gave me can not be measured in words or deeds but in the simplicity of kindness, gentleness and the virtue of love. I thank God for giving me even one moment with this brave and simple companion. In the reflection of the water, the sand crinkled between my toes or as the wind blows through my hair I shall feel my Loving Patrick as if still here never more than a breath away.
With gratitude and love, my gentle boy,
| Franni Toy |