My poor baby Cecil who was only 5 years old passed on Halloween this year. He had feline leukemia and was a very healthy strong boy. He was a beautiful cat with lots of white fur and black/gray stripe on the top like a coat. He had beautiful green eyes. He was a very large cat and topped off at 18 pounds but then lost weight when he got sick.
He was a very social talkative cat. Everyone loved him. Even people who hated cats grew to like Cecil. They said he was a one of a kind. They never knew a cat like him. He was very special. I feel like I saved his life. I gave him a good quality of life even though it may have been short.
I know he loved me.
Sometimes he would rest his paw on me. He loved to sit on the couch above me on the back. He liked to be higher up. He had a sense of dignity and pride. That’s why I couldn’t let him go on to suffer. I know he was holding on for me. His breathing was beginning to be laboured and he was throwing up everytime he ate. He was miserable. He was just laying around. I was miserable.
It was a living hell anticipated the inevitable.
He would look up with me with this helpless look like please help me. Put me out of my misery. One thing he always did was greet me at the door. Even when he got to be really sick. He would use all of his strength and energy to see me. It reminded me of when I was a baby.
I lost my dad from lymphoma which Cecil had. I was only 9 months old. I don’t remember him of course but I hear stories that he crawled on the ground to play with me when he was so sick. I think alot of this brings up past grief. I hate loss and death. I never understood why we have to go through so much pain. Why the innocent die young. I know God has a plan but it’s hard to understand. I felt a sense of peace when we put Cecil down. As hard as it was, I couldn’t stand to see him breathing like that. He was so weak. I kissed him on his head and told him I loved him. I couldn’t be with him when they injected him but my friend was. I slept at my grandma’s that night because I couldn’t bear to go an empty apartment with reminders of my sweet baby.
I woke up in the middle of the night and looked up at the sky and saw a bright star shining. I know it was a sign from Cecil saying thank you mommy, I’m ok. I felt a sense of relief. I could almost feel him laying on my chest like he used to. I can’t wait to see him again in heaven. I miss you baby, mama will always love you.
I love you,
| Julie |