April 29, 2004 was the worse day of my life. It has been one year that you have been gone. When your life here on earth ended, my life and world as I knew it ended with you. My soul mate, best friend, confidant, comforter was gone. 365 days have gone by without you. 365 days of missing you. If wishing you back could bring you back, you would have been here thousands of times. Wishing will not bring you back. In reality, I cannot wish you back as you were – so sick and suffering. The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that you are at peace. I rejoice that we had 17 years, 10 months together to share the joys, the sad times, the funny times together. From the moment of your birth to that last second one year ago, we were inseparable. In a way we still are. I feel your presence around me at all times. You have not let me know you are there, but I just know you are. You have to be.
The house is so empty without you. I close my eyes and I still see you sitting on the counter waiting for me to come by so you can con me into giving you some extra food. You certainly could pack away the chow!! Every time I have chicken or turkey, I cry a few tears as I remember how you devoured your share and other’s shares, as well. You would grab my hand with food in it and pull it to your mouth, so certain I would share with you. I always said that if you ever stopped eating it would be the end for you. That was so true. You tried so hard to eat until the very end. I remember so vividly how it felt to have you in my lap and how soft your fur was. I so enjoyed, and miss so much, our conversations as you relaxed there. You spoke “cat” and I spoke “human”, yet we understood each other. Apparently I even mastered a little “cat”. At least you pretended that I had it right and continued talking to me.
This past year, C.C. and Gizmo have joined you. I surely missed not having you here to comfort me. With all these cats, I have none that can offer comfort like you did. Take care of Gizmo for me. He always had me to protect him when he was here. He needs you.
Angel and Princess have missed you.
The holidays were so lonely without you. I decorated a small tree and placed it, with a special candle and flowers, next to your urn. There was no holiday joy here with you gone. I put a tree up but it sat empty. I remember how you always helped me decorate the tree, each year picking out an ornament to be yours. I could never get
the strength to decorate the tree.
There is so much I want to say to you, but luckily I got to say most of it to you before you left. I know that you always knew how much I loved you. I know you wouldn’t want me to be so sad all the time but I lost the most precious baby in the world. It is so sad that the world’s best cat is no longer in this world. I know all humans think their cat is the best but I know I shared life with the best cat ever.
I know we will be together some day. I have to believe that you are preparing a big welcome for me. You know that I don’t like big parties. Just bring all my angels with you to meet me, but keep them back a little. I want some time with my special boy before I reunite with the others. Thunder can come with you. What a glorious day that will be when I reunite with my soul mate kitty and soul mate doggie. Until then, know how much I love you and miss you, my precious guardian angel.
Loving You Always and Forever,
| Lois |