I can not remember a time when you were not around. It seems like through all that I have gone through you have been their with me. The day that I drove you home from Trace’s house, I had no idea what a huge part of my life you would become. You and I have gone through other animals, boyfriends, lots of tears, lots of happy times, and you were even with me when I married Mark and our family grew.
This summer Mark suggested for several days that I take you to the vet, but I was scared for what they might say. When I finally did, I found out you had mesothelioma and would probably not live very long. I was sad, but I felt confident that you would be fine. Weeks and months went by, then suddenly it hit me that I knew I had to take you back to the vet. I never felt a bit of sadness until I had to actually pick you up and put you in the car to go to the vet.
Wally (my other cat)and I hugged and kissed on you until we were late for the appointment. You seemed so happy and you kept bumping your head into me like you always do when you are happy, not to mention all of the purring.
Eventually we got there, and thank God Mark was there in the parking lot waiting so he could be with us. Our WONDERFUL vet was just that, wonderful. He was very patient and honest with us. We spoke a lot of “quality of life” and “options”. When I told him that I did not want you to go through anything that would not help you long term, the vet said I was making the right decision. It was decided that Mark would stay with you while you were put to sleep.
I hugged you and gave you kisses on your head and told you “I love you so much”. You were head bumping and purring. I walked away, looked back at you, and you looked right at me, then I left the room. I had NO IDEA that I would feel this kind of pain. In a matter of minutes (it seemed like forever) Mark came outside and hugged me and told me it went very smoothly. I felt awful that I was the one who made the final decision about you no longer being here. I know that I truly had no other humane options, but, it didn’t make it feel any better. I went home holding the fuzzy slug bug blanket I took you to the vet in and
laid on the chair and cried.
Then (completely out of her personality) Wally came up to the blanket and head bumped it. She sat with the blanket and I for over an hour. She misses you like I miss you. She sleeps next to me in “your spot”, and she is more compassionate now then I have ever seen her. Many times throughout the day and night she meows uncontrollably, I think it’s her way of missing you. When she does this I hug her and she seems better. Today Mark brought your ashes back home. While I cried, Wally bumped the metal container over and over. I really think that she knows you’re back with us.
I only wish you could have seen the new house we are building. We had a screened in porch built just so you and Wally could enjoy the fresh air. I know you would have loved all of the windows, not to mention watching the ducks swimming in the water. When we move in and the weather is warmer, Mark and I will go out on the boat and sprinkle your ashes in the water. You will always be in my mind, and in my heart.
ALL of our love, tears, meows, and head bumps,
| Nikki Meyers |