Chester – My Chester Cat, My Living Love
By Darlene Marie Beasley
Prologue:
I hardly know where to begin. There was a time when I considered writing my own life story down, since it has certainly taken some heavy twists and turns over the years. But this is the story of Chester. On this earth he lived as a Siamese, Lynx-Point cat. But his spirit was that of a Guardian Angel, and that angel made his way straight to the uncharted inner depths of my existence, my heart and my soul. He was unlike any other creature I have ever known, human or animal. I believe he was not of this world, that he was truly an angel sent by a loving God to save me (and save me he did, more than once). I hope his brief stay was filled with the immense love and appreciation he so richly deserved – I tried my best to let him know how much he meant to me. Now that he has gone, my eyes are open to the divine plan he was such a crucial part of. I now know what love’s true meaning is, thanks to Chester. He deserves to be remembered, as I cherish his memory and
await the day we are reunited.
Chester was the most loving, loyal friend I ever had, and will ever have. He was my child, my little boy. At times he was my reason for living. I loved to just be with him. But always, I lived to love him, as he did for me. Unlike anyone else, EVERY memory I have of Chester is a happy one. Even cleaning the litter box was not really a chore, because Chester asked for so little in return for his amazing love and devotion. The one sad memory I have is when I had to say goodbye to him, as he lay lifeless in a box. Even now it hurts so much. And there are days when it feels unthinkable, unbelievable that he is gone. Why did he have to leave so soon? Thirteen and a half years went by far too quickly. He was the most precious gift that could ever be given me, and I was privileged beyond measure to be Chester’s ‘mom’.
For bringing me the most joy, laughter, and especially love, Chester wins hands down! So this for him.
June 30, 2003
“NO, HEAVEN WILL NOT HEAVEN BE, UNLESS MY CATS ARE THERE TO WELCOME ME”. – Epitaph found on a tombstone
Week One –
Chester was (and still is) a little baby angel that God allowed me the privilege to love. When his kidneys finally failed, they did so dramatically, as one day Chester was fine and the next he wouldn’t touch his food. I knew something was wrong, so I swiftly took him to his veterinarian.
When my husband Terry and I picked Chester up the next day, he had dramatically changed. He was bloated to twice his normal size, and too weak to even walk or hold his head up. I knew he was dying, but couldn’t face it – this is my precious child. I put him into bed with me and put my arm around him. He didn’t move the entire night, except to squeeze my finger with his front paw, as if to say “I’m still here – I am still with you.” I could not bear to see him suffer as I watched helplessly, so I went into a state of numb shock.
The next morning, he was worse so we rushed him back to the animal hospital, where he was given another blood test. Before I left him there, I asked if I could stay with him. The vets didn’t want me to go to the back where he was getting the IV drip. So I kissed him and he looked at me with such pain, but such love – I put my finger into his front paw, and with what strength he had left, he squeezed my finger and held it. I kissed his paw again and hoped he knew I love him with all my heart. The he was carried away by the veterinarian.
Since it was Saturday, Terry and I had to rush his blood samples into the city where the lab was, to get a reading that day. So we did. Shortly after the vet called to tell me he had too much potassium in his system, because the kidneys weren’t working. The last resort was to put him back on an IV, on bicarbonate. The vet watched him during the night, and tried her best to save him. Sunday around 5:00 am, he just sighed and his heart stopped. I was told that Chester died peacefully. Terry and I waited by the phone that morning, and when the vet called to tell us he had died, I screamed – my heart could have been physically ripped out of my body and it wouldn’t have hurt as much as the pain of losing Chester does. I wanted to die with him. I wish with all my being I could have taken his place. I had begged and pleaded with God the night before to spare him, for just a little while longer. It happened too quickly. One day he seemed fine, then the next he was dying.
But God didn’t spare his life for some reason. I am heartbroken and destroyed. My child has been taken from me. The little angel that on many occasions had given me a reason to live. He was too pure and lovely for this earth, yet he loved me unconditionally. All he did every day of his life was seek me out to love, love, and love. He lived to give and receive love. He was the gentlest, sweetest most loving creature, human or otherwise, I have ever known and ever will know. I can only hope now that he is waiting for me in Heaven. Surely God has prepared a place for him. God does say “Blessed are those whose hearts are pure, for they shall see God”. Doesn’t that mean Chester too? If anyone deserves Heaven, it is Chester.
Around 9:00 a.m. on Sunday, Terry drove me to the Vets to pick up Chester’s body. Chester was brought out to me in a box that had a dove on top of it. I kissed Chester’s little face, his paw, and placed my hand on his little body, now cold and stiff. And then, with his body in a box on my lap, I was driven to the crematorium. We spent a few moments saying goodbye, I knelt beside his body, which was on a table. I kissed him, touched him for the very last time in this life.
I am in so much pain that I have to see a grief counselor. Terry also cried for Chester, because he knew what an extraordinarily special, beautiful lovely little animal he was. Chester won the hearts of so many people! I am so worried about Misty. The poor little thing is shattered, won’t act normal, meows constantly looking for Chester. I have to stay by her and try my best to comfort her. I can barely function myself. My heart has died and gone with Chester. I will never be the same. I had Chester cremated yesterday afternoon, the day he passed away. His ashes are being returned to me today.
July 5, 2003
The Pastor at the church we attend does not believe that animals have souls. But I know better as I am sure thousands of people who have experienced their unconditional love do. In fact, that such individuals hold the belief that humans are the only creatures that are souls is to me an arrogant, selfish way to exist. That we are “superior” to other creatures in God’s kingdom is an ideology that is, thankfully, based upon the ignorance of those whose lives have not been blessed with the love of a pet.
A dear friend of mine offered words of comfort to me that have remained in my heart to this day, saying “I certainly understand your grief, because I have seen how much both of you meant to each other. He was such a delicate little thing that I doubt he would have lived this long if it hadn’t been for all the love and attention you lavished on him. Yes he was one in a million, a little angel disguised as a kitty. Well, I’m sure you’ll see him again someday, and I’m sure he’ll be just as happy to see you when that day arrives.”
I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. In 1990, my former husband David and I had adopted a domestic longhaired kitten that I named Alex. One Sunday, out of the blue, we decided that Alex would be happier if she had a feline friend. She seemed to be in a bad mood a lot (for no apparent reason). So we nicknamed her “HOCWABA” (acronym for “haggard old cat with a bad attitude”). This particular Sunday was Easter Sunday, March 1990. In the newspaper there was an advertisement for Siamese kittens, for sale at a local cattery. After church, we visited this cattery. Well, I remember there were two kittens left, a male and a female. I wanted the male, but didn’t think I would get as attached to him as I (thought) I was to Alex. So I let my husband decide. He purchased the male for $100.00, and then we headed home with the little guy. I looked at the tiny creature, wondering what to name him. Here was this tiny, white kitten with huge blue eyes and the beginnings of a lynx point marking on his forehead – and dark brown rings on his little tail. For some reason, I looked at him and said, “He looks like a Chester”. Perhaps I remembered the name from the gym, where electronic weight machines had names like “coach Chester”. In any event, I named him Chester. My husband had other ideas, though. He said, “How about Harold or Stanley or Elvis”. I replied his name was Chester. He was playfully nicknamed the other names as well, but his real name would be Chester. He teased me about it, but I could see he loved Chester too.
“Sometimes it’s interesting the way life turns out. Some things are very hard to predict and others come as a complete surprise. My cutest memory of Chester is when he would awaken out of a dead sleep, look at you with a “goofy” face because he was still half asleep, and go “squeak.” Yes, he was very cute.
“I remember the day we went to that lady’s house to buy him. They had two cats. One of them was very pretty and the other one was Chester. Do you remember that she refused to sell us the other one because it was a “show cat” and had a big future ahead of it? Then she chased Chester from room to room to room until she finally cornered the little critter. He had no hair, bulging blue eyes, and long legs… Very odd-looking little animal. We played with him and I asked if you wanted to buy him. Do you remember what you said? “Do anything you want to do, David, Alex is my cat, but if you want to buy him go ahead.” Then you laughed and walked away. As I sat there contemplating the situation, I said to myself, “We’re buying him for Alex, hoping that having another cat will improve her mood a little bit since she is such a ‘Hocwaba’. This is perfect. Obviously Darlene doesn’t want him, and I don’t want one crawling all over me all the time. This one runs and hides and tries to avoid people – perfect! I’ll take him!” So we bought him and took him home. You think you named him and I think I named him, but that’s okay. Obviously you changed your mind and decided you liked him more than Alex. And obviously he changed his mind and decided he liked being cuddled, kissed and adored by humans. And I was left sitting there wondering, “What just happened here? She didn’t want him. He didn’t like people. I bought him for Alex because he would stay out of my way.” But Alex was Darlene’s cat. Nobody was supposed to pay any attention to Chester and he was supposed to like it that way.
“Then suddenly, everything changed! Darlene wanted him after all. He tricked me, because he really did like people, especially Darlene. Alex hated him for a long time, and then despised him after we brought Misty home. And after Chester stopped hiding in the chair, he was crawling all over me every time I sat down. It was conspiracy I tell you – a conspiracy! Well, obviously God knew what He was doing. Chester turned out to be the show cat and that woman who thought she knew so much about cats turned out to know nothing about the prize she let get away from her. We bought him for all the wrong reasons, and in spite of it all, Chester turned out to be the most wonderful gift I ever bought for you. I would say that was $100.00 well-spent!”
I remember Chester would invent the type of games he liked to play. He loved to fetch his “Chester toy”. I would throw it down the hallway; Chester would go running after it, retrieve it and bring it right back, often dropping it into my lap. Then he would look at me with those gorgeous blue eyes as if to say “Mommy please throw it again!” The toy would often be a little plastic “troll” with bushy hair that Chester would grab and toss up into the air! He also did that with socks – tossing them in the air and leaping like a little acrobat after them. It was a wonderful thing to watch. Chester was so beautiful and graceful, and could leap or jump onto just about anything.
Chester made the cutest noises. When he was half-asleep, he would often look up at me and make a little “squeaking” noise. He also like to “grunt”, “squawk” when he was happy and excited; he also had a lovely “crackly” purr. He was quite talkative sometimes, and had a distinctive, high-pitched meow. He would get into these talkative moods, and I’d say to him “him has something to say, so he’s a-talking away!” Lots of times he would cry like a little baby until I picked him up and hugged him, singing to him his favorite “Chester” medleys. All he wanted was to be hugged, kissed and loved. He loved to hug my shoulder, kiss my ear and rub his little face into my hair. He would purr into my ear. I would sometimes “dance” around the house with him, and he loved it. He did not want me to stop, or to let him go! This pastime is one of my most precious memories of Chester. As said before, all the memories of him are happy or beautiful ones.
Chester was the ‘Q-Tip Bandit’. Whenever I used a Q-Tip cotton swab, Chester was on the scene, snatching the Q-Tip from the bathroom rubbish can and running off with it! He actively looked for Q-Tips, and would quietly sneak into the bathroom looking for them – knowing where they were and then trying to nonchalantly walk away with one in his mouth! Well, he eventually outgrew his fetish for Q-tips – but for a while he had a grand time with them, until I got
a rubbish bin with a lid on it!
Our favorite game was “And I Caught that Chester Cat”. I would chase him, and he loved that! He would soon stop so I could “capture” him. I would say, “And I caught that Chester cat (as I gently touched him), and I pinned him to the floor (as I hugged him), then I “wrestled” him “fiercely” (as I gently stroked and played with him, tickling his belly and kissing him, as he purred and purred). I would say this silly thing out loud during the “capture” and it was his absolute favorite game. We played this game frequently over the 13-year time. He just loved to be chased and “caught”!
I remember another favorite activity of Chester’s was the “carnival ride”. I would hug him to me, then rock backwards on my back, then back up again as he was held into my chest, sort of like he was strapped in to a carnival ride. He really loved that, so sometimes I would rock back twice with him!
Chester had many “Chester medleys”, songs I would sing to him, and only him. They included “Chester Sweet”, and more. He also had a lot of nicknames. They included: Harold, Stanley, Elvis, Chee-Chee, Tee-Chee, Neener, that Cheshire Puss, Chester-Chester, Chester-Sweet, my baby boy, my pride and joy, Sweetie. Chester adored the love and attention given to him, and nicknames were just a way of expressing that love for him. He certainly gave love back. Chester had an endless supply of love, and it was a privilege to be loved by him. Chester’s love was priceless, a glimpse into the endless love of our Creator.
July 21, 2003
It still hurts so much! As the days progress, one after another, it is becoming painfully apparent that Chester is not here anymore. I look for him around the corner, for he always came when I called his name out. I cry out for him as I lay in my bed, weary from the realization that I’ll never again feel him gently walking across the bed, on his way to snuggle against me. In this lifetime, I’ll never hear the sound of his lovely voice, hear him “talking away because he’s got something to say!!.” When I go into the bathroom, Chester would either follow me there, or wait patiently outside the bathroom door until I came out. My heart is with him, and my brain is somewhere else; where I do not know. I can hardly function these days.
How many times did Chester allow me to cry into his soft, lovely-smelling little body when I was heartbroken? How many times did Chester beg me, in his special way, to please keep going – not to leave him. He did this on so many occasions. He was my soul mate, my happiness. He was truly God’s most precious gift to me. How did I come to be so blessed as to earn the love of that gentle, beautiful creature? Why was it me? I am nobody special. But Chester loved me so unconditionally. And I didn’t deserve it.
I long to call his name out, to say “come here Chee-Chee, my sweetheart!!”. But he can’t hear me, can he… I feel lost without him, as he was my precious child, my most loyal and devoted friend. He anchored me to sanity, showed me what it really meant to love someone. He was my angel, my guardian angel. I hope that he is watching me from Heaven, and knows how much he is loved.
It won’t be long before I am reunited with Chester, and we cross into Heaven together. He is waiting for me – I will see him soon. And then we will never be parted again.
July 22, 2003
Today, Paul of “Pets @ Rest” delivered Chester’s ceramic urn. He had asked me beforehand if he could show it to the staff at Albany Vet Clinic. It has turned out very well – it is a lovely and fitting tribute to the best friend I ever had, my little boy. His picture is on it, and his gorgeous blue eyes are so apparent. It has “The Rainbow Bridge” on it, as well as a personal letter to Chester. I also included the Bible verse “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”. Chester was pure in heart, and I know he awaits me in Heaven. I know he is well again, happy and healthy and healed. I know he must miss me as much as I miss him, so our reunion will be quite an incredible time. It will be what I wait the rest of my earthly life for. I had often asked God to keep Chester with me forever in Heaven, as he hugs my shoulder and we walk together. As God in His mercy will allow us to be together forever. May the Lord give you hugs too, my Chester cat, and shine his love upon you in Heaven as you have done so many times on this earth!
I love you Chester, my beautiful little boy.
July 23, 2003
Here I sit, wondering what you are doing right now in Heaven. Have you seen Alex there? My precious Chester cat, I hope you are playing with your favorite “Chester toy” and basking in the warmth of God’s presence. He created you, sent you to me for a moment in time, and then brought you home to Heaven. Will you be the first one I see when I cross over to your side? When I see rainbows, I know it is your way of telling me that you are still watching over me, even though you have left this cold world for an infinitely better place. When the sun warms my face, I feel your presence and a sense of peace melts over me as if you are hugging my heart. When I sense your unconditional and never-ending love, I also sense a terrible pain and longing straight to the core of my being, because I cannot see you again in this life. Yet sense that you want me to go on, to finish the race and look after loved ones like Terry, Misty and little Stanley. When the race is over, I will see you again. I will see you leading a group of cats I loved here on earth. And we will be together throughout eternity. That is certainly something to look forward to. I live for that day now.
I know my time here is only a second compared to what I will have with you forever. Life is so short, so I will live out what precious time I have left, and try to live as best I can. And be grateful for the love and kindness I have been shown. For God’s grace in the midst of moving on – leaving those stupid mistakes I made behind. They don’t exist anymore. I hope you know that my love lives on, my love for you has made me a better person – you have made me a better person, Chester. You were the one true thing of beauty I have experienced in this otherwise bitterly painful and disappointing life. Thank you for the love you gave me – all that unconditional love and affection. You had infinite patience with me, putting up with me when I was at my worst. You loved me under all circumstances, never criticizing, but waiting for me to scoop you up in my arms and give you a Chester hug and kiss.
You loved heat and sunshine. Remember those days in winter when you would sit on the floor heater, as the warm air blew up? You loved sitting in the sunlight, or keeping warm with mommy under the bed covers. You really loved that sheepskin rug, kneading it frequently with your paws and looking as though it was total bliss!! Now, the sun is shining and I once again feel your incredible comforting warmth – spreading over me, pulling me into your embrace and freeing me. Because you have told me that you are in that light, watching over me until I can once again embrace you when I meet you at the Rainbow Bridge.
There is a poem that jumps out of its pages to me, because it is reminiscent of where I am on this journey. It speaks of how I have remained but will remember Chester in the beauty of the world. Even in this bleak world beauty can be found – as it was when Chester walked here, as he was so beautiful. I see him in every rainbow, each sunny sky and in the natural light that shines down on me. I see him in Misty, who was Chester’s lovely feline companion and my dear little girl. I won’t have to wait long, so I will try to be aware of these priceless treasures Chester reveals to me every day I have left.
Even in this bleak, lonely world beauty can be found – as it was when Chester walked here, as he was so beautiful. I see him in every rainbow, each sunny sky and in the natural light that shines down on me. I see him in Misty, who was Chester’s lovely feline companion and my dear little girl. I won’t have to wait long, so I will try to be aware of these priceless treasures Chester reveals to me every day I have left. And I now look ahead to meeting Chester in God’s kingdom, as he welcomes me into eternity and his loving embrace.
I Love You,
| Chester |
| Darlene Beasley |