To my Dearest Chewie.
I’ve had you since I was but 2 years old. My first puppy. My very own puppy. I was so thrilled when I got you! and pleased. Over the years we became the best of friends. Where I went you went. You even saved me a few times when I was careless. and I saved you a few times when you were.
On my freshman year I became desperately suicidal after Jeff died. Everything was a nightmare for me. I had a feeling you knew what was going on but you kept to yourself until the day I decided to try to overdose on my meds and take my own life. I held the bottle up and looked at the tiny blue pills. “this is it” I thought. But then you raced into the room and knocked them out of my hands. You handed me your leash in an effort to cheer me up. It worked.
We walked everywhere remember? Up and down and around town. Many people came up and commented “well what a handsome dog!” I’d smile and thank them and you’d shine with pride. Such a happy proud pup. then before I knew it you were diagnosed with kidney failure. “Mom Mom please” I’d begged “He saved me”. You HAVE to save him! I’ll give him one of my kidneys!” I’d suggested with hope still living in my heart. It was soon crushed when my mother replied “Honey doctors don’t do doggy transplants.” So that week we just kept you comfy in the safety of our home. One morning I woke up with a start to find you behind the couch with labored breathing. I’d picked your head up and set it in my lap and stroked you. “I love you I love you” I’d said over and over. Then you tensed up and quietly passed away. That’s when I started screaming.
After your burial dad took me to a “surprise” place (which I’d figured out what it was hours before.) Nobody can ever replace you Chewie. You know that. But someone could start to mend my heart a little.
My dad took me to a german shepherd breeder. When I walked into the room with the puppies the smallest one came charging toward me. The smallest one…like you were! He was black and tan. The rest were sable. The different colored one… like you were! I picked him up and held him. He was like you all over again! “this one.” I said smiling. “You sure? he’s the runt!” said the breeder. I was sure all right. I could feel you inside him. Is it you? Could it be? Thoughts raced through my mind. “What are you going to name him sweetie?” asked mom. “Chewie jr.” I said. By honoring your memory I was finally at peace.
I love you Chewie. I hope you are watching over me and your little brother Chewie Jr. We all love and miss you.
I’ll see you soon.
E.M.