Knowing that I will never be able to hug or pet or kiss you again, Daisy, is the most stunning blow of this event, I think still see you in your favorite spots. I still look to see if you’re there, I know where you “should” be but there’s nothing left but some of your fur and maybe some dents in covers or cushions you used to sit on. Should I keep your fur? It’s a sad replacement for the real thing. Oh, how will I not have you a part of me anymore. Now, when someone asks me how many cats I have (I used to proudly say ‘2 girls’) I don’t know what I’ll do. I may still say 2 anyway, you’re not “gone,” you’re just not “here.”
I have to watch what I say now, your name was on the tip of my tongue all the time: “Hi, Dais; Daisy, where are you? What do you think, Dais. Do you want some of this, Dais? Daisy, you’re a funny girl. Do you want a kiss? C’mon up here, Dais. Daisy, Daisy, c’mon, come in now. Do you want to go out.” How will I get all that out of my head and heart. I know I’ll call your name out of habit and love. Maybe you’ll be here some time and hear me! Just let me know, I’ll be able to tell if it’s you.
Daisy, you were probably like a lot of cats, but to me you were a constant amazement. Aside from knowing how super smart you were, as well a real beauty, you were a little cat, but curiosity and enjoying exploring really were some your best traits. Aside from insisting on have a taste of everything we cooked! I loved how you seemed interested in everything.
You liked to sit and help me work, watch me cook, and question my constant furniture rearrangements! But, you big scaredy cat, you ran (flying) and hid when it was time to pull out the vacuum — that I never got.
You were nosy enough to check out every piece of bag, box, sack that I ever brought in. You tried sitting on every piece of furniture, cart, table, cabinet, couch, chair, rug — everything, just to try it out. You checked out every cupboard and door you could find. You really found it most exciting when bureau drawers were open so you could jump in. I would see you in there and say, “Daisy, what are you doing in there!” You would kind of, sort of smile at me then snuggle down like you were glad you could sit in there — until you got tired of that, too. You found so many goofy places to take your naps. I used to watch you sleep, you were very beautiful, even with your little kitty snoring — very loud for a little bugger! Remember how goofy you were when you would kind of creeping along, looking so serious and intent on your destination — but, one slip of someone’s shoe close to you on the floor would make you jump a foot in the air — you scared yourself!
How many hours of typing did I do with you on my keyboard, with your hands on my wrists, with your hair settling all over the keyboard! You were my helper all right, and I know there were nights the work wouldn’t have gotten done without you sitting here for “moral support.” My little muse.
As soon as you’d get out the door, you loved to run outside, flop on the sidewalk and roll over and over, just feeling so good about yourself. Then you’d go have a grass salad. Of course, you’d throw up when you came in! I loved watching you enjoy the outside. You’ve brought mice, rabbits, bugs, and of course the two birds you caught that flew into the house! That I wasn’t too crazy about. You were a true cat, you knew how it felt to be what you were born to. I hope you enjoyed your time on your own outside, it was my joy to make sure you went out as much as we could.
I remember your kisses, your tapping me on the shoulder to look at you, pulling my hair, you used to bite my hair when you were little. You had an interest in me and just stared at me many times as if you were trying to tell me something or memorize my face. You knew how to get me to look at you. I think I knew you, of what you would let me see — for that I am grateful. You taught me a lot about myself, you kept me in check, you seemed to know when things were tough for me. You had a big heart.
Sorry you didn’t like Sally so much, she liked you a lot. But you knew that, you just wanted to be the boss of her. And she cared enough for you that she let you be! You’ll see her soon, be good to her when she gets there.
So many years, so many things to remember. I will always remember you, Daisy. You were the best. I will look for you every day of my life until I see you again at the bridge. Hope you found Rusty for me, too.
Your cat character showed me qualities of perseverance, courage, hope, patience, and right-positioning. You were a great little sales cat. I bought your whole thing — the terrific parts of you made up for some of the things you like to do that were not so terrific. Because I cared for you it didn’t matter, you were my cat and I was your mom. I loved you always no matter what. You could do no wrong.
I will continue to love and respect you forever. You taught me about life and love. I believe you didn’t deserve to get cancer, your poor little body just gave up and you couldn’t do your favorite things anymore, even though you so bravely tried. To the end, you kept trying. I’ll keep that in mind next time I feel like giving up.
There’s some things I’m sorry about that I didn’t do for you before you had to leave. I hope you can forgive my weakness at that point, you know what that is. If I had that minute again I wouldn’t have left you for a second.
We bought a plant (hooray, you can’t eat it) in your honor, a peace lily. That’s what we want for you — peace and joy wherever you are. We have your picture in the dining room, on cabinet where you liked to sit. We have a candle and a card for you, and the flag is put up outside in honor of you enjoying the front yard so.
Darling, sweet Dais, I just can’t imagine how I’m going to get to phase II of this. I can barely function 4 days after you’ve died. I know it’s because I just wish you could still be around while I continue doing this staying alive thing. It just doesn’t feel like fun anymore. It was you I came home to, you I thought of before going away, and if you were okay when I couldn’t see you. I thought you were like my girlfriend, my kid, my buddy, and you never failed to keep up your end of the bargain.
I’m glad we had our little chat the night before you died. I hope you knew that was the best I could do. I’m sorry now I didn’t give you just one more hug. You will be in our hearts forever, my sweet, goofy girl.
Sally is in this thing too, she’s right here with me, she misses you too, Daisy. I’m going to be very good to her so she knows how much I care about her too.
Thank you for all the love and joy you brought into my life. I will miss you very much.
I’ll see you (and Rusty and the others) at the Rainbow Bridge — won’t be too long. Could you try to find Eric too?
Your sweet little face and spirit will be in our hearts and minds forever, and always with thoughts
|25, July 2005|