El Primo Primero by Mary Mother O’God / Sus Amigos Y Amigas

He was always thirsty, unusually sluggish, constantly and voraciously hungry, especially for “carbo’s,” and was constantly
drowsy after eating.

My baby “Bubbie” (e.g., brother,) Larry, had told him what it had also been my sad duty to tell our little guinea pig of a pal, that a “blood test” would most probably be necessary in order to make sure he did not do “the amphibian/freedom animal/froggie thing” (i.e., CROAK on us,) and to diagnose what was causing his illness.

This was a Guinea Pig who had been used in the highly regarded laboratory experiments of Dr. Sherwyn Schwartz, M.D. His best nickname was “Rege” (after Regis Philbin,) however, his REAL name was “HOWIE” and he was a fat little animal. We also used to cal him “Sleepy,” “N.B.,” and “El Apestoso.”

Most people, especially girls and women, found “Howie” too stinky, dirty, smelly and repulsive, but a very few discerning ladies knew what Larry and me had long ago found to be true. “Howie” was just a cuddly and cute little fuzzball.

Sadly, Rose “Mama Rosie” Gorman and very few other brilliant ladies actually liked to have “Howie” around, especially if he sat on the couch for too long and left a “Poo Poo” or “Doodie” (number twos) smell behind. He was quite well “house trained” or, in other words, “paper trained,” and, even with the frequent urination (number one) that accompanied his terribly sad final illness, Howie rarely “poured out” (did number one) on the furniture.

His beady little eyes both shone bright, yet nervously apprehensive as we arrived at Dr. Arturo Marroquin’s office. He whimpered when we arrived at the door. He was so very frightened that he was shaking. He could sense that something painful was about to happen to him. Most animals are like that.

The good doctor’s lovely receptionist gently told us that Dr. Marroquin had not yet arrived, and that this brilliant man would probably not be in the office for another hour or more.

We left and went to the nearby Apache Cafe on Commerce St. He waddled bravely through downtown San Antonio, Texas, but Howie’s little short legs were painful, and he quickly got so tired and worn out during the two block walk. Howie got some bits of “tripa” tacos on soft flour tortillas and that seemed to settle him down a bit.

When we returned, the fine physician was, indeed, present. He quickly checked “Howie” out for vital signs, inquired as to his myriad symptoms and then recommended that we take him up to the lab and have a blood sample drawn. Later, during a fateful telephone call, we learned that “Howie” would not be with us for too many years.
This made Larry and me so sad.

We finally “lost” him during the first week of March or the final week of February. There had been many trips to various doctors, many labs and clinics and specialists, including the great Dr. Sam Miller, Dr. Frank Madla III, the internationally renowned Dr. Difu Guan, as well as many “scary times” until that terrible, awful day when we found “Howie” dead. He was sleeping peacefully with his three (3) best pals,
the cats, nearby him.

Larry and our whole family really do miss him a whole bunch. There are many types of pain in this cold and cruel world, but losing “Howie” is, as the great pianist, Luvine Elias, once said, “a hard lick.


Con Todo Amor Y Carino,
El Primo Primero
Mary Mother O'God