♥Fudge♥ by Lynsey Mitchell / Lynsey xxxxxxxxx

I was 3 years old. My parents, my two older sisters and myself lived in an old cottage situated in a very small country side village that only consisted of about 4 or 5 houses. We had a problem with mice so my Mum looked in the local paper and found an advert for a litter of kittens for sale. They lived on a farm and their mother had been used for exactly the same purpose that we wanted a cat so we phoned up and later that day my mother and I drove to the farm to have a look at the kittens. I can’t remember exactly how many there were in the litter but I do know that all the kittens were black apart from one, who was a calico. My mother and I both loved the calico but she was priced at £20, we could only afford one of the black kittens, priced at £10. Fortunately, the owner of the kittens fell in love with me (or rather my hair, I have bright red curly hair which has always attracted unwanted attention :]) and agreed that we could have the calico kitten for £10. so, we drove back home to our cottage with our new addition to the family, it was the start of a wonderful friendship.

I immediately fell in love with this little furball of a kitten (she was long haired so when I look at photos of Fudge as a kitten she really just looks like a ball of fluff). I desperately wanted to call her “Simba” after the lion from the classic Disney movie (I was and still am obsessed with the lion king :]) but my parents explained that this kitten was a girl so the name Simba wouldn’t be suitable, and before I even tried to suggest it, they said there was no way they were calling the cat Nala. So I came up with the not-so-original idea of “Fudge” and the name just stuck. Fudge would curl up in one of my dad’s slippers and sleep there for hours, and when the Christmas tree went up she would climb up it and play with all the decorations. She followed Mum everywhere and would claw her way up Mum’s dressing gown and sit on her shoulder. She quickly sorted out our mouse problem and 9 times out of 10 we would open our front door and find a little “present” be it a small bird, a mouse or even a baby rabbit, you name it, Fudge could catch it.

When Fudge was about a year old we moved to another small village (not as small as the last one!). This is where I started school. On the way home from school I would turn the corner and get to the bottom of my street, and guaranteed, Fudge would be there waiting for me, she would then walk by my side all the way to the house.

When I was little I was a classic child and would refuse to go to bed no matter how tired I really was, and my parents would often find me and Fudge curled up under the kitchen table together, both of us sound asleep. We have a photo of me as a 5 year old child fast asleep on the floor with fudge curled up right next to me and
my arm wrapped around her.

One evening Fudge seemed out of sorts, it got worse over the next 2 days so mum took her to the vet. She had problems with her kidneys, I can’t remember much about it but I do know she was on a drip and I was told when I got home from school one day that it was likely Fudge would have to be put to sleep. I ran to my room in tears. Fortunately Fudge pulled through and went back to her old self, her old routine. “have breakfast, go out and hunt for the day, meet Lynsey
from school, then sleep”.

When Fudge was 7 we moved again to a larger house that was surrounded by many fields where Fudge would be in her element. I loved Fudge with all my heart; she was the only one in the world who i had had with me all my life who I could tell anything too and know I wouldn’t be judged. Fudge would sleep right next to me, curled up on my pillow and I’d wake in the morning to her purring. I’d buy Fudge treats and toys and make sure she always got something special on her birthday. years went by. Just after Fudge’s 14th birthday we noticed that her tummy looked very big; we had no idea what it could be. I knew she was old so I started to worry that this was the beginning of the end. I was right. I had tickets booked to travel to my sister’s house; she lived 3 hours away so I didn’t see her often. I didn’t want to leave Fudge but she had been ill before and I guess I thought that she would pull through again, so I went away for my week at my sister’s. I have regretted that ever since.

I phoned Mum every day to check how Fudge was. “she’s been put on medication, the vet says she has heart failure”, “the vet is doing blood tests”, “we’re trying a new medication now” and finally, the day before I left “there is nothing more the vet can do, Fudge has heart and kidney failure and fluid in her lungs. She’s finding it harder and harder to breathe.” I broke down, sobbing. “Do you want me to get her done before you come home?” asked Mum, “NO! of course not!” I cried. “I’m coming home on Thursday, Book her in for Friday” I said.

As soon as I got home I grabbed Fudge in my arms and sobbed; she did her usual and rubbed her cheek against mine. She wasn’t purring though, and i could hear the effort she had to put into breathing. I gave her some nice treats I had bought her, spent time with her, giving her hugs, telling her how much I loved her. She slept in my room that night as usual. I stayed awake as long as I could, tried to save every last moment I had left with her. She curled up on my pillow and purred. It makes me so happy to know that on her last night, she was happy. I finally couldn’t fight it and fell asleep. I woke up at 3am, I couldn’t feel Fudge next to me so I switched on my bedside lamp at looked over at my desk to see Fudge curled up on my laptop.

It was on charge and will have been warm, that’s why she chose there. She looked at me and closed her eyes slowly, the way all cats do when they’re happy. I smiled, switched off the light and fell back asleep. The next morning I don’t really remember that well, I remember letting our family dog, Guinness (and English Cocker Spaniel) give Fudge one last kiss (he was very attached to her) then getting in the car with mum and driving to the vets. The vet who was dealing with Fudge was very nice. Her name is Moira, she was very helpful, understanding and supportive, I’m glad that we had her.

I held Fudge’s face in my hands, trying to hold back the tears, trying but failing, and just told fudge that I would love and miss her forever, she looked at me and did that thing with her eyes again, I think she knew what was coming and she was telling me thank you.

Thank you for letting me go, for loving me, for everything. I sure hope that’s what she was saying anyway. The vet then prepared the injection; I held Fudge in my arms; my mum sitting next to me, stroking Fudge. I felt her get heavier and heavier in my arms. She was looking at me the whole time, and I could see in her eyes that she was happier than she’d been in a long time. After a minute or two the vet said that Fudge was now gone. I gave Fudge one last kiss then walked out the room. Fudge would stay at the vet so that the special pet cremation company that we had hired could go and pick her up so that she could be cremated.

Mum and I drove home in silence. I was 17 years old but when i got home I bawled like a baby. 2 weeks later we got a call from the vet to tell us that Fudge’s ashes were back (we had asked for a special urn for her to be returned to us in, it cost us £150 but it was worth it for us to have Fudge back with us. It also has her name engraved on it).

When she got back home I sat and talked to her for a while, telling her everything she had missed, how much i miss her. I plan on scattering SOME of her ashes in her favorite spots in the garden and keeping the rest with me. I’m crying as I write this story, and I’d like to say to anyone who’s pet is getting put down in the near future or who’s pet has been put down recently: You will never stop missing your pet and you will never stop loving your pet. The first week or two will be hard but it will get better and you’ll find it easier to smile when you think about your friend rather than cry.


R.I.P Fudge, I love you and miss you so much it's unreal, I'll meet you at rainbow bridge.
Lynsey Mitchell