Since my trip to Europe in June 2000, I knew this day was not that far away. For the past 18 years (90+ in human years), I’ve had a close companion for everything I’ve done around the house. Miss Kitty Too (as in also), was her name. Once a small kitten trying to take the place of the original Miss Kitty. But after having the first Miss Kitty for 15 years, it was hard for a new fur-ball to learn what her place was in my life, but she soon did.
For over 16 years, she was every bit the spoiled cat any Siamese is supposed to be — and more. See saw me through three jobs, a period of unemployment (sorta self-imposed) and my first 12 years at Arkansas Tech. For days on end, I would be traveling following the Wonder Boys basketball team. She was always there waiting on me to return. Then she would follow me for hours, telling me in her own special way (crying) what had been going on while I was away. If only I could have understood her language, I’m sure she had stories to tell, at least SHE thought she had to tell me all.
In her 16th year, things turned darker. When I returned from Europe, the first thing I noticed was that Miss Kitty (MK for short) had lost a lot of weight. Her caregiver was very diligent in making sure she had fresh food and water. But being her own stubborn self, she was not eating much at all. More food was thrown away by far, than what she ate.
I understand that animals become attached to one person or another, but it would seem that after a week or so, MK would have understood that maybe I wasn’t returning and she had better “warm” up to this person and eat. But no, she apparently didn’t like the idea and was on a hunger strike of her own choosing until I returned. She never did fully regain her weight, but her spirits and appetite were almost immediately up once I was back in her life.
Over the next year, her health gradually faded. The trips to the Vet were more frequent and the prognosis was always the same, Liver and Kidney failure. One by one, her body organs were wearing out due to her advancing age. However, with my persistence, Dr. Spencer continued to treat her as best as she could, even worrying that she might die while in her care. You see, I would leave her at the clinic where they could keep close eye on her while I was away on business or vacation trips. Each time, they were so relieved that she was able to go home and they did not have to give me the bad news that she had died while I was gone.
After the visit to the clinic last Friday, I decided that one more week would be the deciding time frame if she did not improve vastly. And of course, she didn’t. As a matter of fact, she deteriorated even more. She wasn’t eating much at all and not even drinking very much water either. Large amounts of water are necessary to maintain bodily functions with failing Kidneys. I had pretty much made up my mind by about Wednesday, that Friday would be OUR last day to suffer. We both were really suffering at this point, or at lest I was.
Thursday night, her last night at home, she climbed up on my bed and curled up next to the body pillow that I have there. Recently, she determined that it was a safe place for her to sleep because I wouldn’t usually kick her lying there. The past couple of weeks must have been torture for her. Every time I touched her or picked her up, she would cry. She was sleeping in a fetal position about twenty-three and a half hours a day. I also noticed that her right eye was turning a bit cloudy. It still reacted to light, but I doubt that she was seeing much out of it. But, all of this didn’t make it any easier when I got the carrier out of the closet and set it down in the kitchen. I looked at it for over an hour before I finally convinced myself that she was not going to get any better. I really needed to let her go.
She would be the third cat I would have to put to sleep. The other one was a yellow Tom cat that adopted me before I moved into this house. He came along about a year or so after MK moved into my life. He was an outside cat that would come in for short periods of time in the Summer and longer ones during the Winter. He and MK never became friends and tended to keep their distance from each other. He was about ten years old when he started to lose weight and body control. I don’t know what caused this,
but it was a fairly rapid decline.
After watching him closely for several days, I decided it was time to let him go. For some reason, it was not as difficult for me when he was put to sleep as it was with the original MK. Speaking of the first MK, she was in great physical shape when we discovered that she had a major tooth/gum disease that had gone undetected for too long. She had lost a couple of teeth on one side of her jaw and x-rays showed the infection had gotten into the jaw bone. Within a couple of weeks after the teeth were gone, her lower jaw began to shift to the side. She could no longer eat anything solid. The x-rays also showed that the damage was going to be on-going such that her jaw would continue to shift. Surgery was an option, but at her age, the expense would not be offset by very many years of continued good health. So, she was put to sleep in what should have been the prime time of her life. I began looking for another Siamese within a few days and that’s when I found a litter that I could choose from. The new MK was only about 6 weeks old and not yet ready to be taken, but I knew she was the one when the time came. Her life was special as well, but this is about Miss Kitty Too, and we shall continue.
My younger cat Peanut, a two-year-old, gray/black, long-haired, adopted stray female had already gone outside by the time I finally got myself ready to take MK to the vet for the last time. About 8:45am, I opened the carrier and set MK at the opening. Normally, it was a fight to get her in, but this time she went in by herself. I think she knew that this was the last time she would see the house she had lived in for past 8 years. I’m so glad the stoplight on Main Street was green. Had it been red, I might have turned around and gone back home. This would not have been a good choice for MK, but my thoughts were pretty clouded at this point. During most trips, she would cry constantly since she did not like riding in the car for any reason. But this time, she had a much different cry, it was almost a moan. It was an eerie sound that
I was not accustomed to hearing from her.
When I got to the clinic parking lot, there was thankfully only one car in the lot. Then a woman came out, got in it and backed out. I recognized all the other vehicles and knew that I was the only customer around. When I got in the office, they all knew why I was there. I still told them that her time had come. I tried not to, but I broke down a cried. I could tell the staff was also upset since they had known her well from all the visits in recent months and her determination to live on.
I quickly signed the paperwork and we were taken to an examination room that she had been in many times before. It was the only one with a window and after days of cold and rain, it looked so spring-like and warm outside. Normally, she would fight getting out of the carrier because of the strange smells and sounds, but this time she didn’t even attempt to move. So I pulled on the towel she was sitting on and that brought her out. Even with the bright light coming in from the window, she didn’t even look outside. She didn’t even attempt to stand up. She just stared straight ahead totally oblivious to me, the Doctor or anything else. She wasn’t scared or crying.
The drugs were prepared, and so was I, at least I hoped I was. I had never been with someone, and to me MK was a SOMEONE, at the moment of death. The Doctor had some difficulty locating a vein as hers were so small. Finally on her right front leg, she found one and started the injection. MK had always been good when it came to shots. It was oral medication that she just would not take without a major battle as in the “Cat from Hell” story.
The end came much quicker than we had expected. Since she was so thin and frail, she was unconscious even before the drugs were fully injected into her vein. I was rubbing her head with one hand while my other hand was under her chin. Her head fell quickly into my hand within a couple of seconds from the start of the injection and it didn’t move again. Within less than a minute her heart had stopped and her spirit was gone. It was Friday, November 30, 2001 at 9:02am and it was over.
MK never said a word or even moved from the time I removed her from the carrier. It would have been so much harder if she had fought the needle or reacted badly to the drugs. I think that she knew her time was now and she was ready to leave. But, I was sure not ready to let her go. I left her body with the clinic since I didn’t have any place to bury her around here. They will cremate her body this weekend, after all, it’s just a shell that once contained her personality and spirit, which are now gone from the frail, sickly body that housed them to the end.
MK tolerated her space being invaded by rabbits, squirrels, other cats, a couple of dogs (one full-time in the house with her for several months) and numerous room mates and all of their friends. Most nights would find her curled up on my pillow, or on the headboard or just spread out on the bed waiting on me to come join her. She was definitely not a lap cat, but would seek me out and sit as close to me as she could. If she was asleep when I moved, she would hunt me down when she woke up and then continue her “cat nap” beside me.
The next few days will be tough, but after the last couple of years, I won’t be worrying about her health and safety any longer. I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about finding her lifeless body somewhere in the house after work or when I’ve been on a trip, even if just to Little Rock for the afternoon. My biggest fear recently was that she would try to jump upon something and not make it and get hurt in the process. Deep down, I was hoping she would just pass away while sleeping and I would not have to make the decision I had to today. She was a fighter until the end and then she knew it was time to give up the fight — for both of us.
I could not get myself to take any pictures of her the last few months because of how frail she was looking. The picture above was made in 1999 and was one of the last pictures of her looking really healthily. Life goes on and I’ll rest better now (I hope), knowing that she is no longer suffering from anything.
As for Peanut, she’s lost three of her friends recently. Of course, Ruby the miniature Dachshund, by far her favorite, now lives in Denmark with Visti’s parents. Her story is at an earlier date in this never-ending saga. The other, a stray that I brought home from the office in the Fall of 2000 — an outside cat for sure. They fought constantly and chased each other all over the neighborhood. But, they could always be seen together, even when not fighting. About two moths ago, “Big Kitty” didn’t come to get her breakfast. I figured she would be around later in the day, but after about three days, I was pretty sure she was gone. For several days, Peanut would check all over the yard looking for her friend. Since she was so friendly, I hope somebody picked her up and
gave her a good home.
Peanut and MK were not really friends, they just tolerated each other. Peanut has noticed that things are different at home with MK gone. She’s checked the place where MK ate, it’s no longer there. And, the chair where MK had spent her past few days, is also empty. The blanket on the back of the couch, it too is not being used. I guess Peanut expects MK to return, so she will not go too near those places. Peanut had taken up residence on my bed most of the evening, a place where MK had taken up residence for many years. But, when it came to bed time, Peanut would go to her chair or window shelf and
leave the bed for MK.
It won’t be long before Peanut figures out that she has now risen to the Top Cat position in the house. I’ll just have to see how she wears the title
as she has big paws to fill.
Saturday, David and I will start putting up the outside Christmas decorations since the weather is going to be really nice. Inside decorating will wait another week or so. Maybe this will get my mind off today’s events. We’ll see.
December 1, 2001 – The first day without Miss Kitty Too.
Twenty-fours hours have now passed. Last night, Peanut was already asleep in a chair in my bedroom when I retired for the night. Soon after I was settled in bed, she left the chair and jumped over on the bed. She came right up to my face, so I raised the covers to let her get under them. For about 15 minutes she was snuggling against my side with just her head sticking out. This was not exactly her favorite place to be except when I am making the bed. And then, she wants to be under everything I was putting on the bed. When I’m finished, there is always a big, moving lump right in the middle.
When she crawled out, she went back to her chair to sleep. When I awoke this morning, she was sitting in the window, soaking up all the warm morning sunlight. A bit later, she moved to the top of the TV as it was now on and maybe a bit warmer than the window.
About 9:30am, I left to do my normal Saturday morning errands, pay some bills and stop by the Post Office. In my mail box was an envelope from the clinic. I waited until I got home to open it since it was not their regular billing envelope. As I suspected, it was a sympathy card from the staff. I’m sure they do it for all of their clients surviving loved ones, but I was really a bit surprised none the less. The inscription says it all.
Throughout the day, I caught myself looking at the places MK called “hers”. The living room chair, on top of the couch, a chair where she could see her food dish in the kitchen and on my bed pillow were some of her favorite places to cat nap. They were all vacant. Even while lying on the couch, later in the evening watching TV, I thought I heard her scratching in the litter box, or thought I felt her eyes staring at me from the arm of the couch or even felt her jumping on the couch to lie down beside me while we watched TV together as we did for so many hours. Maybe she is still here,
it’s that we just can’t see her any more.
December 8, 2001 – It’s been a week now.
The title kinda sums it all up. The first week is now behind me. For the first couple of days, I was counting the hours since MK left, but now I think of her daily as I’m around the house. She is not where I expect her to be, but even that I’m getting accustomed to. I was not fully aware of the time this morning when the first week passed. I guess this is a good thing for me.
The one thing I have noticed with Peanut is that she is now more impatient when there is something she wants. She wants out as soon as I get up, even before her breakfast. She will come in about any time after she’s been out for 30 minutes or so. And then it’s not long before she’s ready to go out again. The doors are like the revolving ones in some departments stores and hotels. I wonder what she will do when I go back to work in January.
I haven’t told very many people that MK is gone. Mainly because some have older pets of their own and it will perhaps only upset them a bit when they think that theirs won’t live forever either. Others, might not know exactly how to react since MK had been a part of my life for so long — perhaps even longer than they have been. A few might have thought I kept her far longer than perhaps I should have. But then again, she really didn’t “tell” me that she was ready to go until the last couple of weeks. However, if someone asks, I’ll tell them when and why and send them to read this page. As I said in the beginning, she was SOMEONE to me, and losing a family member is hard,
even if that “person” was a pet.
December 14, 2001 – Two weeks have passed.
The time passed me by again. It’s been two weeks now since my beloved MK left my side forever. As I suspected, several friends have ask about her, and I’ve told each one that she is gone. They have all expressed sadness,
shock or surprise when I tell them the news.
These days, I find myself not looking in MK’s favorite napping places, hoping that it was all a bad dream, but not finding her lying in some familiar place. I also don’t think about her as much as before, but she is always in my mind. As days go by, I’m sure my thoughts of her will subside, but she is never very far from me as I have her picture in my PDA (handheld computer) along with other friends and even some of people-friends. So, I can look at her
whenever I feel the need.
I still have not put up my inside Christmas Tree, although I do have all of my outside decorations up, with the exception of the white-lighted-spiral tree in the front yard. It will probably go up on Saturday. I don’t think it has anything to do with MK directly, but I just can’t get into the mood, even though I have had plenty of time. Maybe next week.
December 28, 2001 – It’s been a month.
It sure does not seem like a month has passed. With all the activates surrounding the holiday season, I’ve really had little time to think about MK except that I still miss her and the fact that she did not see Christmas. See enjoyed the movement of the tree (it rotates) and the flashing lights when it is first put up. She would sit on the arm of her chair and watch it for minutes on end. Occasionally, a bright ball would get so much of her attention that she would just have to see if she could get it on the floor to play with. More than once, she succeeded. I’m glad that I didn’t step on one during a dark-house trip from one end to the other. Now, all of the decorations are down. I’ve been in Harrison with the High School basketball team since yesterday. Tomorrow, we return home. Miss Kitty will not be there to welcome me home as on so many overnight trips in recent years. I’m getting used to it now,
but there is still a void.
May 30, 2002 – It’s been six months now.
What can I say that hasn’t been said before?
Fond Remembrances
Miss Kitty Too