For Pommy, Our Best Friend,
You were our baby. You were innocent and loving as a child. You never failed to make us laugh in some way or comfort us when times were rough. You were a gift from God. We were blessed for 16 years by your life on the earthly plane.
As soon as I learned to walk as a toddler, I would dash towards all dogs I encountered. I was in love with dogs from the moment I laid my eyes on them. All I ever did for many years was ask my parents for a dog…we had other pets over the years…red eared turtles, hamsters, goldfish and budgies but my big dream was to have a dog. My parents told me that I wasn’t old enough.
Around my 13th birthday, my parents gave in to my persistence and gave me the greatest gift I have ever had besides my own life…my dog. When my dad came home with my Pommy, I didn’t see him at first. I asked my dad where he was. Then dad laughed as he opened his coat jacket and revealed a little ball of white fur tucked inside. My little Pommy was about 2 months old and he was so small that he could fit in the palm of my hand! It was love at first sight!
No matter how bad the day was, as soon as I entered the house, I knew you were waiting for me, waiting to give me nothing but pure love and joy and that made the greatest difference in my life. You followed mom around the house. She called you her little “shadow”. When we ate, you joined us in the kitchen to eat. When we watched TV in the den, you came to lie next to us. When I studied in my bedroom or talked on the phone, you would push the door or scratch at the door with your paws so you could come and check up on me. You made me laugh so often because when I went to the washroom, you even waited for me outside the door till I got out so you could follow me yet again.
My little Pommy grew up with me. He spent many many hours sleeping by my feet underneath my desk when I studied. He also liked to sleep near me when I played my violin or when my brothers played the piano. He was there throughout all those years of teenage angst, romantic disappointments, difficult teachers, exam periods, little spats with brothers and parents. My little Pommy didn’t like it when we yelled at one another. When mom got mad and came storming in the direction of my bedroom, my little Pommy could sense it immediately. He ran ahead of my mom and into my bedroom where he would stand right by my side and bark angrily at my mom. He was our little peacemaker. He didn’t like it when we yelled at each other. My little Pommy was there…for all the lows and highs…
all the laughter and the tears.
My little Pommy did so many cute things. When he was a puppy, he would go underneath the kitchen table and grab our house slippers and hide them around the house. Sometimes you made mom mad because you jumped into the garbage can to grab some chicken bones or other “goodies” which you would drag around the house and growl like an angry wolf who possessively guards his bones if we dared approach you. But not once in all your 16 years did you bite us. I taught my Pommy how to do a little dance…he was so smart he could learn to do anything. For a treat, he would do anything but ONLY if he got a treat! He would get up on his hindlegs and do a little turn sort of like a pirouette. When you were young, Pommy, you would dash out of the house and run all over the neighborhood. We were terrified that other dogs would attach you or that you would get run over. We would chase after you, you would pause look at us and then dash away again when we approached ” Catch me if you can!” your eyes seemed to teasingly say. When the ambulance sirens went off, you would howl like a wolf as if to answer the
“call of the wild”.
How you made us laugh when you would bark threateningly at dogs that were so large relative to you. You were the size of the craniums of some of those dogs! Size didn’t intimidate you. You were so peculiar with which dogs you befriended but not with human beings. You loved nearly 100% all of the people you met and they loved you.
My little Pommy used to love rolling on his back so I could give him a “tummy massage”. My little Pommy did so many cute things…after his baths, he would dash all over the house and roll around in the carpets. Or after a walk, he would feel so energized that he would dash all over the house like Road Runner. We were amazed that you could take such long walks nearly to the last year. Such a small dog with so much energy and so much spirit! Whenever we had the first snowfall of the winter season, my little Pommy would jump in delight and roll in the snow as if to make snow angels as little kids do. In the spring, there was more energy in his step as there was in mine and he seemed to smell the spring air ever more deeply. In the summer, we had such long strolls with our Pommy in the late evening as the sun set in the distance. Mom and Dad would have their talks and sometimes I would also converse with them during these walks. But I was mostly observing Pommy and thinking to myself how lucky I was to have him because he was such a beautiful miracle.
When I looked into my Pommy’s eyes, I was almost sure he was studying me and thinking some human thoughts. His eyes seemed to be wise as if he was some wise enlightened being that manifested the earthly plane in the form of a dog. He came to our house to watch over us and protect us. He was our living guardian angel.
How I loved to lie down next to you and sometimes put my ear near your chest to hear your little heart beat. How I loved to caress your ears after we gave you a bath. Your ears were so silky and soft after a bath.
A few months ago, the veterinarian announced that your blood tests revealed the beginning of kidney disease. We changed your diet but you didn’t eat as much as you used to and you slept so often. I was sad because you didn’t want to play anymore and you couldn’t go for long walks. But you still followed us around the house and you could still hear us and see us.
I left you about one month ago. When I last saw you my Pommy, you still seemed so youthful. I knew you were old but I was planning to see you again soon. The night before my parents said that my Pommy got very sick, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that my Pommy was feeling very cold so I wrapped him in my blanket and lay him on my bed where we both fell asleep and all of a sudden it started to snow and all I saw was a bank of snow. The next evening I found out you got very sick very fast and I wanted to quit my job for a few days to take a flight and be right by your side. But mom and dad said you wouldn’t make it through the night. I’m sorry Pommy.
You were a strong spirit till the very end. The end came so fast. You were so blessed my little Pommy. Dad, Mommy and my 2 brothers were there till the very end. I was away and it still tears my heart apart as I write these lines. How much I wished I could have made it on time. But they put me on the phone and you seemed to recognize my voice. As weak as you were, you opened your eyes in response to my voice and then you slept more peacefully. I think you understood what I told you…I told you to go to sleep like I always did when I lived at home. Every night I would come to your bed and tell you to go to sleep and then give you a little kiss on your little forehead. So on the phone, I told you to go to sleep and that everything was going to be OK. You knew what the word OK meant. Whenever you felt a little sick, I would come to see you and caress your little head and said everything was going to be OK and it was. I told you I loved you like I had every day. I told you I would never forget you. I told you to watch us and wait for us. And I said that
nothing could separate us.
When you left, it rained so hard that evening …we had an amazon-like rainstorm that lasted all night on a July summer day. It was raining with my teardrops…all our teardrops. Tears for you but mostly tears for me and all living things that have to feel this suffering. Tears for all the cruel things human beings do to one another and cruel things they do to other living creatures. Tears for all the people who haven’t realized how important it is to value your loved ones every single day…we can only take one day at a time.
My little Pommy… you gave me a reason to live. You made rainy and snowy days sunny. You made boyfriend break ups easier. You made PMS easier. You made me smile and you made me laugh. You gave me a sense of peace whenever I held you in my lap and caressed your little head. My little Pommy, I know you are waiting and I feel like I want to join you soon because the world seems lonelier without you here. How much I want to see you and touch you one more time. But I know I have things to do here, it’s not the time yet.
Every time a loved one dies, I feel humbler because I realize how easy it is to die and how much our seemingly large worries are really not worries at all. Every time a loved one dies, I realize how much we have to be better to one another and forgive our differences that we so often chose as a reason for a fight.
Goodnight my little Pommy, my baby, my toutou, my little Prince, my Pom Pom, my little angel…all those names which I will never pronounce again. I was so lucky. I realized how lucky I was when he was here but I never realized how much a little dog’s love could take up such a large part of my heart. Please wait for us, Pommy. I know you’ll follow us because you were always our little shadow.
Surely you are in paradise.
Thanks Mom and Dad, for the most beautiful birthday gift in the world…my Pommy.