Rannoch by Pamela Rose / Your second mum after Shoni

To Rannoch,

Rannoch I loved you with all my heart.

My worst nightmare was that we had to part.

So soon, so swiftly and with you in pain.

You were my life, my love my reason to live.

You gave me joy, friendship, love and pride.

When we were out or at home with you at my side,

You have left me now and you are sick no more,

But your legacy and my memory of
you will never cease
To be with me for ever and
I will have no peace
Till we meet again.
Those last days which were precious
were marred with your sickness
That cancer, so evil that infested your pancreas
That cancer that eats on the flesh and the mind
That took my baby away and left me behind.
You have returned to dear Shoni who brought you to life
She would never have wanted
your years to have ended in strife,

I thank you for the years that
we shared together
Your death has pierced me,
my sorrow is inconsolable,
All the vets and experts were
totally fallible,
How they failed us.

One day I may remember the happy days not the sad,
The walks and ball games that we so often had,
And the agony I now recall of helping you walk,
your last day when your paws were swollen with poison of cancerous enzymes that penetrated
your person may ease but I doubt it.

I recall how you slept on or
under my bed each night
The hole in the carpet where
your nails went in tight,
The way you called me when
you wanted us
to sleep
With that high pitched bark
that penetrated my ears
The absence now of which brings
back my tears,
You barked when I sneezed,
you barked at the hoover
You barked at the stapler
and the paper hole remover,

Your looks were exceptional and
all turned to stare
At your eyes and your coat
like a cuddly bear,
Your temperment was supreme and
your smile that you wore.
Your personality shone makes me and
the world miss you more.
The softness of your eyes,
there the truth lies,
I thank you again and cannot
wait for the day
When we meet again.

Forgive me my dearest
if you missed a life on a farm
Working sheep all day long to protect
them from harm
Forgive me my love if I failed you
in the end
By searching for answers and
your aches failed to mend,
Forgive me love of my life,
if the food made you ill
By trying to save your kidneys,
a worse evil did in you instill.

How I loved you to distraction
and more than life itself
And I cannot bear a tomorrow without you.
Till we meet again my dear Rannoch, my soul mate
Be safe and be well waiting for me at the gate.
If the power exists I will join you again
So we can wonder and laugh down memory lane,
Life without you is no life and
my pain is so great
That I cannot yet face sleeping at number 28
The house I bought you to live
for the end of your days
Not to lie on a table where
I kissed you goodbye
And held you in my arms whilst
the vet watched me cry.
The 28th June 2003
Is imprinted on my brain
As if carved in a tree
The same 28 as was your home,
My sweetest and dearest you were loved by all
And mourned by all who you did enthral.

This nightmare without you is
becoming more real
This is only a snippet
of the sharp pain that I feel.

I loved you dear rannoch,
you were like a child to me.
I still cannot deal with
this terrible misery
so deep and relentless is
the pain that I feel
that the wound of bereavement
will never heal.

Your bravery and struggle with
the heinous disease
And your fight and achievement
to retain all dignity.
Is a lesson to learn for someone like me
But my dearest I am weaker than you ever were
And survival without you is not what I prefer
If not for dad.

A legend you are and a legend you will be
Deep in my heart as engraved in a tree
I still cannot accept the shock of your death
The late diagnosis
Of cancer in the pancreas
Your life brought a light
to my life for those years
Now the light has blown out
by millions of tears.

And the sunshine you brought has turned into rain
The clouds and the cold represent all the pain
How long will it be till we meet again

May your soul rest in peace dear love of mine
And I hope that you find a light that will shine
I remember the day that you came from the womb
You have left having made my life like a tomb
As days go by the pain intensifies
The aching heart which inside cries
Your absence has become reality
And an eternal finality
Kisses and hugs I bestow upon you
For a friend that I loved who was loyal and true.

My dearest Rannochy,
The love of thee
Will ne’er leave me.
Sleep sweetly
3rd and 4th July 2003
snippets changed 27th May 2004.

It is now 4 years that I lost you
each day now as it passes has significance.


My darling Rannoch,
28, June 2003
Pamela Rose