Sparkie, my angel-bear, it has been over 2 weeks and I haven’t been able to come up with the words to describe what you were to me. You saved me, you know that. I adopted you when you were 6 weeks old and I was starting my whole life over on my own for the first time at age 24. We grew up together. I never left your side except to go to work. And even then, 6 years ago when I became disabled, I got to stay home with you 24/7. Then it was a joy. Being with you brought blessings despite my painful physical ailments Now it’s a curse, wandering the house looking for you in all your secret safe places and you’re not here.
I took my adoption of you very seriously and was determined you would have the best life possible. Everyone who knew us assures me that you did. Even when you were still here, people would comment on how loved you were. “No cat has ever been more loved.” You know why? Because you loved me so much right back. You were always there for me. You were so much more than a cat – you were brought to me by God to be my guardian angel these last 14 years and I know I would not have made it through them without you. What I don’t know is how I’m going to get through the next 14 years, and the 14 after that – I prayed you’d be with me at least until I was 40 – now I’m 38 and lost – I can’t start from scratch again, there will never be another cat who can match what you were:
My guardian angel
My soulmate
My best friend
My only source of unconditional love
My comfort
My biggest source of joy
YOU were my strength. When I faltered, you came to me and let me bury my face in your belly and cry while you purred my tears away. Such a beautiful purr you had. Such a beautiful cat inside and out. So gentle, so loving, so compassionate.
I wrestle now with how a God, who would bless me so tremendously with a friend like you, would take him away from me so soon. 14 years was not enough. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready to face life without you. I know I almost lost you at 12; that would have been a fate TOO cruel for words. But the steroids that kept you alive and healthy almost another year and a half, killed you in less than 2 freaking days. The vet warned us when we started the shots that when the end came it would be very sudden and quick but 24 hours??? How do you watch your baby go from frolicking and purring and jumping around to dragging himself to his water bowl and not being able to make it upstairs to his littler box? I should be blessed you went so fast and didn’t suffer but I will never forget that last night I stayed up with you and you showed me you were ready to go. I always made you promise there would be NO DOUBT when the time came, and as always, like the wonderful precious kitten you were, you obliged. It killed me to see you like that even if it was only 24 hours and the vet said you weren’t suffering yet. But the Spark was gone from your eyes and I knew I’d lost my Sparkie and no one could fix him up this time, no amount of money, no amount of prayers.
I love you my Sparkie bear, Mr. Sparkles, my pooky-angel; rest assured please knowing you could NOT have been more loved and that I am no longer fearing death, in fact I look forward to it, when we are reunited again. Until then you will always be part of me – the giant space in my heart reserved for you, which is in turmoil right now, will settle full of the millions of happy memories we had. Someday, in a million years I will forget the end and the pain and this agony and I will remember that I did what I promised and gave you all that a cat could ever need. No cat can ever replace you. I will never grieve another this hard, because any and all new cats belong to your adoptive Daddy and I – you were MINE – MY baby – your sister Mootina is ours and the next one we save in your honor will be ours. You even won over your Daddy despite the jealousy you had when he first came into our lives. He saved us. He took us in and saved us. He loved you too, and he mourns you too, but not like me, because there will never be another Sparkie. Nothing will ever mean as much to me again in my life. You were dependant on me. You were the only child I can ever have. I have to admit that judging by how cuddly, loving, well-adjusted and secure you always were, that I guess I did my job. Now you are in heaven, with your brother Rodney, I pray God holds you close and you are not scared or alone, and that when the time comes, He will reunite us, and I wait anxiously for that day. I love you Sparkie. Always and forever. I rescued you, and you rescued me. You will NEVER leave my heart, NEVER.