was 16 years and 1 month old when she died
Friday March 5th at 1:00AM.
She was a beautiful gray and white long cat with a nose half pink and
half black. She had amazing coloring. She was long and petite.
She gave me so much joy in the two years that I had her. Two years ago,
my stepfather passed away and my mom had a nervous breakdown and was
institutionalized leaving my stepfather’s two cats
(Tiffany and Shannon) behind.
I decided to take them in knowing full well what I was getting into.
I had never been a cat person. I’d known these cats for 14 years but
wasn’t *attached* to them. I considered myself a dog person. And I
hadn’t had a pet like my dog Hey-Hey for many years. I knew Shannon
pee’d on the carpet but I thought ‘what the heck? I’ll take them anyway.
At first I didn’t really know how to deal with them. Tiffany was aloof
and adventurous scouting out the place. Shannon didn’t want anything
to do with the new surroundings. They had been two-bedroom condo-cats
for 14 years and now they were part of a small studio.
Gradually I became grateful for having them. My boyfriend of 6 years
had left just a few months before and somehow the cats filled the void
that was left by him.
Tiffany loved to jump up on my shoulder and perch letting me walk
around with her on my shoulders. She had done this only with my
stepfather. I felt privileged.
I thought that she’d live forever. She was playful. She didn’t come
to me except when she wanted to. She’d lay down beside me at night
and let me pet her stomach until I’d fall asleep then she’d jump down.
She’d wake me up in the morning with her meows. She became the
“hallcat,” going out into the hall and watching the other tenants as
they came in. We went down to the laundry room together a few times.
She would bless me with her gracefulness. She would sit in the window,
meowing a strange guttural meow at the birds in the tree.
One day I noticed she was not going out in the hallway. I thought it
might have something to do with the new cat down the hall. She just had
no interest in it. I noticed she was having a bit of trouble jumping
from place to place. She started throwing up more than usual and one
night last week she had some mucus in her eye so I took her to the
vet. They did a blood test when I told them of her throwing up.
That was on a Saturday morning and she declined from there. I decided
to try to help her so I began administering fluids to this otherwise
healthy cat. The blood test had determined that she was indeed very
ill with liver kidney and hyperthyroid problems (off-levels in the blood).
So I proceeded with subcutaneous fluid therapy hoping beyond hope that
she would get better. She was such a good girl about getting her
fluids. It so pained me to do it. I realized at some point that she
just wasn’t eating so I began gently force-feeding with a special
syringe and giving her a high vitamin Eukanuba formula that the vet
gave me. Tiff seemed interested in the smell of the food but then
would turn away. It pained me so to force-feed her.
She was able to hold some of the food down but as the days went by in
that week she became sicker and her movement ceased on Friday sometime
during the day.
I came home from work later than I had originally wanted at about
5:30PM and as I entered into my apt. I called out for her. I saw that
she was lying on the floor in her spot. I went to pick her up and she
gave out a couple little cries. The vet had told me that when an
animal’s near death it cries. I didn’t know what she meant until I
heard that cry. She’d never made that sound before. I took her up and
held her in the recliner for the next 6 hours not eating only getting
up to use the bathroom.
I wailed and cried like a banshee because I knew my baby kitten cat was
dying. I tried to force-feed some water because she seemed very dry
and moved her mouth like she was thirsty.
She took the water lapping it up.
She had lost all motor function. She lost control of her bladder. I
just sat there with her telling her it was okay. At one point when I
was crying/sobbing my eyes out she moved her head out from underneath
my chin and rubbed her head and mouth on the side of my face. She
literally extended her right paw and *patted* me on the shoulder 3-4
times. I swear that this was divine intervention and her way of
saying “I’m going to be all right. Don’t you worry. I’ll be/am with
Jim [my stepfather].” Of course I continued to cry.
At 11PM I moved us to my bed which was difficult on Tiff. We lay
there I began dozing off to the sound of her labored and strange
breathing. I’d never heard anything like it before… I cannot describe
how strange it sounded. Not so much labored but almost like when
humans find something curious and affirm something with a “Hmmmm?”
That’s how she sounded. It was bizarre. I couldn’t help but think how
strange this was. I continued to hold her and talked to her as much
as I could telling her stories of the things we did together and how
much I loved her.
I was praying to God to take her so that I wouldn’t have to put her
through a vet experience once again.
Finally after 12AM she began to sound as if she were on a respirator.
She threw up and gave two excruciatingly sad cries. Then her breathing
was very slow and finally she struggled for 4 seconds or so and
stopped breathing.
I couldn’t stop wailing. I held her and kissed her forever. Then I
bundled her up in her favorite down comforter with her favorite
fish-toy and put her in the recliner where we had sat for so long.
I went down to the local pizza joint where I used to work and told my
friend the chef that my cat had just died and I needed a hug. He held
me for awhile.
I am grateful and so blessed to have had two good years with Tiffany.
She was a ray of light in my life. So sweet and funny– how she’d
chase her tail and make the funniest meowing noises.
On one of her last days I had taken her down the hall on a towel sort
of scooting her along and she just looked at me like I was crazy!!!
Part of me wishes I had taken that day off from work. But you just
never know when it’s time. I had spent many fine moments with her when
she was alive.
I believe I will be with her again. I believe she’s with me now. I
know that wherever she is she’s being loved and loving others as she
always did on her own terms.
I miss you Tiff my teenage kitten cat. I love you and I’ll see you
when it’s my time.
Thank you for giving me the best years of your life. Thank you for
filling the void left by Josh. Thank you for being there for me. I
know you’re with Jim and you’re happy to be with him. I know you’re
here with me.
You made me realize it’s so important to love others and not fear
death. You give me faith that there’s a better place where we’ll all be
together again one day.
Until then,
Love,
Tracey
| Tiffany |